aftermath.

[Claire Pierce]

you’re my back bone, you’re my cornerstone, you’re my crutch when my legs stop moving.
you’re my head start, you’re my rugged heart, you’re the pulse that i’ve always needed.
like a drum baby don’t stop beating.

words: seven hundred thirty eight words tag: padfoot/sirius notes: asdlkfj

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He had nearly died. Now she was going to kill him when he finally woke up.

-------------

It had been a blur when they got to St. Mungo’s at last; Sirius had been broken and bleeding everywhere and passed out about five seconds later, Ethan was immediately rushed away in even worse condition, and Claire had shouted orders in an attempt at controlling the situation as she ignored her own injuries. She had done her best with healing spells before she could get to Mungo’s; her encyclopedic knowledge of pretty much everything extended to many healing spells, as well as some experience over the years and an insistence in getting some Healer training in the past. However, she wasn’t able to do much for either of them, but while she limped around in the chaos, she hurriedly fixed her hurt wrist as she followed them taking Sirius away down the hall. She hadn’t taken no for an answer at the door to the room they were treating him in, choosing to hover anxiously behind the Healers as they worked on his many injuries - there were broken ribs, broken leg again, and a deep gash on his side.

Claire ignored the pain in her left arm, in her head, in her back; she could already feel all her bruises and the soreness, there was a cut on her face and scrapes from the fight, her head was pounding, her arm had a gash from a curse down the side of it. But she waited next to Sirius as they worked, refusing care from another Healer, demanding that they deal with Sirius and Ethan, who needed far more care than she did. When they were finally done with Sirius, who now laid in the bed unconscious, one of them turned to her and insisted on healing her injuries and bandaging her cut. “It will probably leave a scar,” the Healer told her, but Claire shrugged - she already had several and didn’t care too much - and tried to ignore the pain that shot through her shoulder. She was brought a chair after refusing to leave and go home to get rest, so Claire settled down in the uncomfortable seat to wait some more.

Sitting in the heavy silence of the room for several hours broke down the walls surrounding her thoughts, worries, and feelings. They had crossed over that final line a month ago at last and Claire had never felt more vulnerable, fighting to not cry as she stared at him, still unconscious and looking completely awful. He wasn’t at his worst - there had been worse times, especially three years ago - but now she could picture only the worst and how that was. He was so stupid she thought over and over again, but she just wanted him to wake up again because she couldn’t feel that he was okay until she could talk to him or see him conscious.

She didn’t know what to do with herself. All the thoughts and feelings were overwhelming and she sat paralyzed in the chair, unable to stop her thoughts from getting out of control and unable to think rationally and calmly like she was used to. This was seeing in front of her the things that she had been secretly terrified of for months. He had almost died and those moments were just playing over and over again in her head. She wasn’t able to stop herself from freaking out as she was now alone in the room, all her thoughts and fears and memories overwhelming her. Lately, she hadn’t been as worried, which she had a feeling had to do with the new situation of the last month... But when it came to Sirius himself, it was always different.

A Healer came in again to check on him; apparently he was doing better, still out as the damage was still being repaired, but the bleeding had stopped and his bones were slowly healing. Half an hour or so had passed when Sirius’s eyes slowly opened. Claire moved closer immediately, feeling the increased soreness from sitting in the same position for several hours. “Sirius!” she said, her voice shaking. “Oh, thank god. I...” She trailed off, staring at him for a long moment. “Sirius, are you trying to get yourself killed? You have to stop doing things like that!”

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[James Sirius Potter]

Everything had happened quick, from the moment they stepped into Cato Blackwell's residence to rescue Ethan there had been spells blazing all about, screams could be heard from every which direction. But the only three things on Sirius mind had been to get Ethan out, keep Claire safe, and do as much damage to Cato as he possibly could. By the time they apparated Ethan out of there to St. Mungo's, Sirius had no idea what damage had been done to Blackwell, all he knew was that he was in tremendous amounts of pain. He had been bleeding for more than too long already and he couldn't hold himself up any longer, his leg which he knew was broken again had completely given out on him by the time he got to Ethan. As for Claire, she was injured too and he knew that, and he made sure he did not leave without her by his side but as soon as they were out of there, the exhaustion and loss of blood and the pain finally over came him and he didn't know how quick it was, but he fell unconscious quicker than he realized it had happened.

Several hours later, after healers doing what they could to patch him and Claire up as best as magic allows, he started to be aware of his surroundings once more. Eyes still closed at first, he could feel the familiar intense pain of his body healing itself after being in the care of the healers. He ached all over and had a massive headache. There was no sounds in the room around him, but whether or not that was a good sign or a bad sign he was not sure. He couldn't remember what sort of condition Claire had been in when he had passed out, which caused his heart to beat faster in worry as he finally opened his eyes, slowly and groggily from whatever sort of medications or potions or spells the healers had used or given him this far. Within a second of having his eyes open, they found Claire. Who looked extremely tired as always and had many scrapes and bruises and he could imagine she must not be feeling very well at the moment either.

It was only seconds later that his eyes were met by hers as she realized he was awake and he managed a small, tired smile at her first words. “Sirius!” she said, her voice shaking. “Oh, thank god. I...” She had moved closer to him before speaking and he was very relieved to see that she was okay. It was only a few seconds later that the reaction he had expected from her first came about. “Sirius, are you trying to get yourself killed? You have to stop doing things like that!” With that though, he could tell she had been more worried than she would have admitted before recently. But with all the events in the past month, how everything had finally pulled itself together for the two of them, it didn't surprise him at all that she had been so worried. He had been equally worried about her when trying to get them out safely.

He reached out and took her hand in his, his movements slow from being so sore. "Of course I wasn't trying to get myself killed, Claire." he said with a small smile on his face, his voice soft as he still wasn't fully awake. "And what exactly is it that you want me to stop doing? Working? I'm pretty sure all of this is somewhere in the job description. Find crazy ass holes, have big epic fights, nearly die and scare everyone you care about half to death... I'm getting good at it after all these years, don't you think?" Okay, so he knew that she was probably going to hate him for being such a smart ass right now. After all, he had no idea how bad off he had been when arriving at the hospital, he was sure he had been in worse situations, but he knew by the way he felt now that it hadn't been looking good either. Trying to shrug it off like he was fine though, was the only thing he knew how to do. He just wanted to see a smile on her face, even if it was a smile of her fury with him, it was a smile nonetheless.

"Besides," he said with a grin. "I think I'm immortal or something. Because I'm not a cat, and if I were, I would only have like three or four lives left I'm sure." There, if that didn't put some sort of smile on her face, some sort of feeling of normalcy back into her, then he didn't know what would.

words, 814
tags, claire!
notes, cant believe i got this done tonight. its kinda poopy. but good enough. (: hope you like it! ajkdfjwioklefjaiofjwa~!!!!!!!

[/size]

[Claire Pierce]

you’re my back bone, you’re my cornerstone, you’re my crutch when my legs stop moving.
you’re my head start, you’re my rugged heart, you’re the pulse that i’ve always needed.
like a drum baby don’t stop beating.

words: five hundred fifty six tag: padfoot/sirius notes: asdlkfj

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The hours seemed to go by slower than ever before. She waited uncomfortably next to him, silently freaking out in the quiet of the room. He looked completely awful, much worse than she did. It had been a long time since he had last landed himself in Mungo's from his apparent talent at nearly getting himself killed. This time was the worst in a while, and with what had finally happened between them, it was like that final wall between them had crumbled down, leaving Claire even less okay. Watching this happen to Sirius had always been very hard but now she wasn't able to just lock everything away and ignore what she was feeling. She couldn't lose him.

When he finally woke up, their eyes quickly met and he smiled a small, tired smile at her when she first started talking. She tried to keep herself in control; calm and composed, not letting her thoughts and feelings get the better of her. Her voice was shaky and she knew that some of her worry was showing, but in comparison to how she felt and thought inside, she was completely calm and normal. He slowly reached out to hold her hand, and while it made her smile just slightly, she protested, saying, "I don't think you should really be moving, you know. I know you're hurting all over." It even hurt her to speak at all because everything was sore and her face was bruised and hurt. She tried to avoid showing her pain as she shifted, sharp pain shooting through her shoulder and back.

"Of course I wasn't trying to get myself killed, Claire," he told her, and she rolled her eyes as he continued. "And what exactly is it that you want me to stop doing? Working? I'm pretty sure all of this is somewhere in the job description. Find crazy ass holes, have big epic fights, nearly die and scare everyone you care about half to death... I'm getting good at it after all these years, don't you think?" He was smiling again, his voice soft and tired but still able to sound like a smart ass as usual. She didn't smile back. "I know it's what our job is, Sirius, and I know that we're good at our jobs, but it's like you're more impulsive and reckless than you need to be. I think things through!" She said as her voice rose above it's former quiet tone. "Somehow you always end up terrifying me because you almost die all the time."

He grinned at her now, becoming more obnoxious as usual as he said to her, "Besides, I think I'm immortal or something. Because I'm not a cat, and if I were, I would only have like three or four lives left I'm sure." She glared at him, pulling her hand away so that she could cross her arms, which just hurt more. "Shut up, Sirius. You could have died today and yet you're just joking around! Don't you take anything seriously?" she asked him, her voice louder but she couldn't stop it from shaking again. "Do you know how hard it is to watch you almost die? Do you know how hard it is to have to wait for you to wake up, not sure if you're going to be okay?"

[/size]

[James Sirius Potter]

It was harder to keep his eyes open than he would ever admit, between still being in pain and whatever they had given him to help with it, he was so tired he couldn't figure out how he had even gotten himself to wake up. Maybe it was simply because no matter how tired he was, hurting had a tendency to make sleep difficult. He already knew that there would be at least a couple weeks coming up where he would be lacking a decent night's sleep due to pain. But hey, what was worse? Losing sleep, or not being around to lose that sleep in the first place? Honestly, he would gladly lose sleep and hurt than have left Claire after things had finally started pulling themselves together for the two of them.

When he reached out to take her hand, he saw the small smile come across her face and then heard her concerned words. "I don't think you should really be moving, you know. I know you're hurting all over." To this he simply rolled his eyes. "It's worth it." he said softly, giving her hand a small reassuring squeeze. He took in a long deep breath to yawn, but that came back with a cough, and then eyes shut tight at the pain that caused for his broken ribs. A small groan escaped him before a sigh. Man, it had been a long time since he had felt like kind of sharp pain. But hey, at least there was a small spot of good news for Claire. He wasn't going to be able to smoke a cigarette for a bit without it hurting him, maybe, this time around, he might be able to quit. But he wasn't going to count on it just yet.

He watched as she shifted in her chair, obviously uncomfortable and hurting herself. He badly wished there was something he could do to make it less for her. It was one thing for him to have to be hurting, but for the most part, he was used to it. He had been through worse, more intolerable amounts of pain before this. But he hated to know that she was feeling the same sort of pain he was. Even if it was less, he knew it was still very uncomfortable for her. Finally, he caught up with reality and realized she was speaking to him again, his mind seemed to be slowed down whether it be the medicine or just waking up, he wasn't sure.

"I know it's what our job is, Sirius, and I know that we're good at our jobs, but it's like you're more impulsive and reckless than you need to be. I think things through!" As she spoke, her tone got just a little bit louder as she continued. "Somehow you always end up terrifying me because you almost die all the time." At this he sighed, but couldn't help but let out a short lived, pained chuckle. "You've known me for our whole lives. In thirty something years, have I ever, once, been good at thinking things through? And it is not all the time... I'd like to call this the third or fourth time... The times that I've simply broken bones, but stayed conscious don't count as almost dying."

After his last statement, she pulled her hand away from him, crossed her arms and gave him that 'You're an idiot, stop talking or you'll regret it' look that she was so damn good at. "Shut up, Sirius. You could have died today and yet you're just joking around! Don't you take anything seriously?" He opened his mouth to speak here, but she continued before he got the chance. Louder, and quit obviously upset with him on many levels. "Do you know how hard it is to watch you almost die? Do you know how hard it is to have to wait for you to wake up, not sure if you're going to be okay?" At this, he sighed, at first, unsure of what to say.

"I'm sorry, Claire." he started with simply. Because 'I'm sorry' was always where he started when he knew he needed to. "I know I act like its not a big deal... I just want you to not worry about me... I'm here. I'm awake. I hurt like hell, but fine nonetheless, or I will be. But when it comes down to it, I would rather it was me than you. Besides, I'm too stubborn to die. Those Nex fuck heads are going down before I ever do. It's not one of those, 'Or I die trying' deals." Not that he was sure any of what he said was reassuring for her in the least, he just knew it was the truth.

words, 817
tags, claire!
notes, ehhhh, not so great? not sure... ehhh. maybe i over used my posting muse, but I still had to reply! gahhh! -----I've had this up on my computer all day... can't believe I never hit "post reply" i seriously thought I did before I walked away... sorryyy!!!

[/size]

[Claire Pierce]

you’re my back bone, you’re my cornerstone, you’re my crutch when my legs stop moving.
you’re my head start, you’re my rugged heart, you’re the pulse that i’ve always needed.
like a drum baby don’t stop beating.

words: six hundred thirty nine tag: padfoot/sirius notes: i'm sorry this is late and so so bad!

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Claire ached all over, she could barely move without feeling some pain in some part of her body, and she realized that she hadn't slept in more than twenty four hours. Combine that with the growing tiredness that was an after effect from the day's ordeal; Claire was absolutely exhausted. Despite being tired, she hadn't been able to sleep as she sat next to Sirius's bed for several hours because she was simply too worried, her mind full of too many thoughts.

Now he was awake and unsurprisingly being normal, rolling his eyes at her as he said, "It's worth it." He squeezed her hand, but her smile faded as he tried to take a deep breath that only resulted in a cough, a groan, and obvious pain. "A few broken ribs, a broken leg once again, and a bad cut," she informed him sadly. While she had an easily fixed hurt wrist and some cuts and looked terrible all over, Sirius had come out of this much, much worse. "You're an idiot," she added, but the words didn't sound the way they usually did when she said them; she just didn't sound like she meant it.

He seemed to wake up a bit more as she spoke, focusing on her again. "You've known me for our whole lives. In thirty something years, have I ever, once, been good at thinking things through? And it is not all the time... I'd like to call this the third or fourth time... The times that I've simply broken bones, but stayed conscious don't count as almost dying," he responded. "No, you never have. I always hoped that I would eventually be a good influence on you, but apparently not..." she said and sighed, before saying quietly, "At that moment, in that situation, you could have." She couldn't say it out loud, but that absolutely terrified her.

Claire finally looked away from him, sighing again as she loosened her arms. She stood up for the first time in a few hours, slowly and painfully stretching her limbs out from their sore, locked position where she had sat on the chair for ages. In need of something to do with herself, she began to pace up and down the quiet hospital room. Then Sirius spoke again, telling her that he was sorry. She glanced at him for a moment, her pattern of movement breaking for a few seconds before she resumed pacing. Then he continued, saying, "I know I act like its not a big deal... I just want you to not worry about me... I'm here. I'm awake. I hurt like hell, but fine nonetheless, or I will be. But when it comes down to it, I would rather it was me than you. Besides, I'm too stubborn to die. Those Nex fuck heads are going down before I ever do. It's not one of those, 'Or I die trying' deals."

"I know," she said quietly, to all of it, before she came to a stop at the end of his bed after a pause, looking over at him once again. "You're not invincible," she said in a surprisingly even tone. Her control slipped after that as she continued talking. "Of course I'm going to worry about you! You're the most important person in my life - I worry about this and worse situations all the time... About the worst situation possible." Her voice had a slight tremor that she tried to keep out but failed; she never really told him just how much she thought and worried, how she was kept up by those thoughts and memories and awful things she could picture so vividly. "Seeing this happen is just...." she trailed off, shrugging tiredly. Her voice had started shaking again, but she managed to admit, "You really scared me, doing that."

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[James Sirius Potter]

That cough had left his chest hurting more than when he first woke up, and he closed his eyes for a moment, after noticing Claire's smile disappear. There goes trying to convince her he was okay. There goes convincing anyone that he was okay enough to go home right away. But oh, how he hated to get stuck there for one night, let alone the possibility of a few days. "A few broken ribs, a broken leg once again, and a bad cut," Claire informed him, and he sighed again and opened his eyes once more.

Just as she followed up with the usual, "You're an idiot," but it didn't sound like it should have. Normally, she sounded like she meant it. Like she truly believed him to be an idiot and he had clearly done something deserving of his title. But right now, it was just different. "Say it like you mean it... It's weird when you don't, love." he said, managing to give her another smile, just hoping for one in return. In honesty, it was probably the first time ever that he had heard her say that in a tone other than a frustrated or angry one. This time, it sounded more sad than anything else.

"No, you never have. I always hoped that I would eventually be a good influence on you, but apparently not..." she said and sighed, before saying quietly, "At that moment, in that situation, you could have." He sighed again, trying his best to remember to keep his breaths even and not too exaggerated when he sighed as to avoid the pain of another cough. Then he looked up at her as she turned away and started to pace the hospital room. "You're right, I could have... But that's over... Can't change it..." he watched as she paced more while he spoke again and then she came to a halt at the end of his bed.

"You're not invincible," she said to him and he took that in as she started to speak again. No one had ever bothered to remind him that before. From the time he was young and trying extremely dangerous Quidditch stunts, all the years of his crazy fights with the members of the Nex, all the injuries and near death experiences... She was the first one to ever make him stop and think about something like that. Which he had never once actually stopped to consider. He hated to admit that she was right, because he knew just how reckless his work style was. Go in, take charge, kick the shit out of those who deserved it and worry about himself last...

"Of course I'm going to worry about you! You're the most important person in my life - I worry about this and worse situations all the time... About the worst situation possible." she told him and he could hear the emotion in her voice. How upset she was over all of this. He lifted his arm enough to run a hand in his hair, a usual sign that he was thinking, his body aching in protest at all of his movement. "Seeing this happen is just...." she trailed off, shrugging tiredly. Her voice had started shaking again, but she managed to admit, "You really scared me, doing that."

He had looked up in time to see the look in her eyes, the sadness and the worry written on her face. Sirius then realized that he had never taken the time to think about how his recklessness affected anyone besides himself and the people he was trying to take down. He had put his family through hell for years worrying about him, but most important, he had done it to Claire. And he never even took a moment to realize it. "Claire..." he said softly, now looking away from her, embarrassed at himself for being such an idiot. "You're right, I am an idiot..." he started off with.

He groaned as he moved, but with whatever energy he had left in himself, he managed to move over just enough so that there was room for her on the bed next to him, and he then patted the spot he made for her. "You should come lay down... or at least sit... I know you're hurting too... I didn't consider how you must feel watching me do this over and over again... I don't want to make a promise I can't keep... But, I'll try to think a little more and actually avoid potential death next time, rather than welcome it like a new challenging Quidditch move..." Maybe, this was the first time that he was looking at things more as life, and not as a game he was simply a pawn in, playing until he won.

words, 822
tags, claire!
notes, sirius had a revelation... he is indeed, an idiot!

[/size]

[Claire Pierce]

you’re my back bone, you’re my cornerstone, you’re my crutch when my legs stop moving.
you’re my head start, you’re my rugged heart, you’re the pulse that i’ve always needed.
like a drum baby don’t stop beating.

words: six hundred forty one tag: padfoot/sirius notes: c:

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Claire hated seeing Sirius pain like this. It was obvious to her how he was feeling at the moment, and that just reminded her that he was going to be confined to the hospital for a few days before he could go home. When he would eventually be allowed back to work, she knew that he would stuck at his desk for ages, which would drive him insane (and he would then drive her crazy as well). He wasn't okay at all, and he sighed at her description of his injuries, reopening his eyes.

He somehow smiled at her as he said, "Say it like you mean it... It's weird when you don't, love." She instinctively rolled her eyes and replied, "Well, at least you know that I do mean it ninety nine percent of the time." She shrugged, adding quietly, "I'm too worried to mean it this time." She applied the term to him all the time, ranging for stupid things he had said or done to being drunk to putting himself in danger. This time her anger was certainly there as expected, but she was still upset and scared from the day's events to act as she typically did.

"You're right, I could have... But that's over... Can't change it..." She sighed at his words. "Yeah, I know. You came out of this alive and you're going to be okay. But what about the next time and the time after that when you're being impulsive and reckless and too angry? You don't know if some time the situation will be different from this." They worked extremely well together and always had, but at times he was too extreme and nearly got himself killed; Claire nearly got herself killed trying to rescue him from whatever it was that he had gotten himself into.

She started pacing again, not looking at him but unable to stop talking. When she got upset, Claire either completely withdrew or wouldn't stop. Tonight, it was the latter, and she just kept talking, unable to even sound calm like usual. "It's always been hard, but I've always been able to be in control and deal with things well. But now... it's like all the walls I've built have come down when it comes to you. I had that last wall up and it's gone and so now it's just even more terrifying to see this happen." Claire had always had issues being open like this, even with Sirius; he had just always somehow known what was going on with her, even if she didn't explain it a bit. This time, it was just spilling out.

She paused and stopped at the end of his bed again as he started talking again. "Claire... You're right, I am an idiot..." He groaned but managed to move over in his bed; she protested this, saying "Wait, no, don't move -", but he indicated that take the spot he had made for her. "You should come lay down... or at least sit... I know you're hurting too... I didn't consider how you must feel watching me do this over and over again... I don't want to make a promise I can't keep... But, I'll try to think a little more and actually avoid potential death next time, rather than welcome it like a new challenging Quidditch move..." She hesitated, but sat down on the edge of his bed next to him. "You really should rest, you know. I'm okay," she said, before continuing. "Thank you... All I'm asking is for you to not act as if you actually want to get killed." She looked away from him, finally leaning back on to the bed and stretching her legs out. "You know that I don't want to lose you, right?"

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[James Sirius Potter]

She instinctively rolled her eyes and replied, "Well, at least you know that I do mean it ninety nine percent of the time." She shrugged, adding quietly, "I'm too worried to mean it this time." Sirius looked away again, he hated making her worry about him like that. He hated to know that he was causing her stress that she didn't need, that he may be one of the reasons she has such a hard time sleeping at night. "The only thing you have to worry about right now, is a lot of complaining until they let me out of this hell hole." With that he grinned a very tired grin, knowing she knew just how much he hated to be confined to a bed. Or anything that restricted his day to day activities, really.

When she spoke again, it was once again words that made him think a lot about things he had never honestly considered before now. "Yeah, I know. You came out of this alive and you're going to be okay. But what about the next time and the time after that when you're being impulsive and reckless and too angry? You don't know if some time the situation will be different from this." "I've really never thought far enough a head to consider the outcome of a situation like these... The words impulsive, reckless and angry pretty much summed up the thought process... It doesn't really go past there..." he admitted to her.

Claire always had this habit of talking a lot. Using a lot of words. Tonight, things could have gone one of a few ways. She could have yelled at him. A lot. He almost expected her to. She could have just not said anything, and then there was the third option. Instead of yelling, she told him exactly what she was feeling. Which was something very uncommon for Claire to do. But with everything that had happened recently, it really didn't surprise him. "It's always been hard, but I've always been able to be in control and deal with things well. But now... it's like all the walls I've built have come down when it comes to you. I had that last wall up and it's gone and so now it's just even more terrifying to see this happen."

Sirius listened to this, looking back to her. "I guess I always knew it got to you a lot... But it's really different to hear you say it... And I know its different now... I don't blame you for being more upset about it... Or at least finally telling me." He definitely knew all along that it really bothered her, when something was wrong and when she needed to say something but couldn't bring herself to say it. But now it was different. Maybe it was the new found relationship between the two of them, maybe it was just Claire finally breaking down and being unable to hold everything in. Either way, maybe it was time that everything got out in the open after all, after all these years.

"Wait, no, don't move -", he had heard her, but did he listen? No, of course not. Once he was settled back down though, he was sure he wouldn't be moving much for a while after that. It had taken all the energy he had left, but finally, after he patted the spot, she came and sat down next to him, and he rested his hand on her leg, just glad to have her close to him. "You really should rest, you know. I'm okay," He smiled a little, "Rest? Remind me the definition, I keep forgetting." A small yawn escaped him, the tiredness from the days events starting to wear on him again. "I have a right to worry about you too, remember? Besides, I wanted you next to me..." he said, his words softer towards the end.

"Thank you... All I'm asking is for you to not act as if you actually want to get killed." He nodded at this, "I can do that..." She finally leaned back next to him, and he took his hand in hers again, lacing their fingers together, and brought her hand to his face and kissed her hand as she said, "You know that I don't want to lose you, right?" Then he brought his eyes to meet hers. "I won't let that happen... I couldn't do that to you... I know what its like... I won't let you go through that. I'm not going anywhere, I promise. I love you, Claire."

words, 793
tags, claire!
notes, this thread is addicting...

[/size]

[Claire Pierce]

you’re my back bone, you’re my cornerstone, you’re my crutch when my legs stop moving.
you’re my head start, you’re my rugged heart, you’re the pulse that i’ve always needed.
like a drum baby don’t stop beating.

words: seven hundred fifty four tag: padfoot/sirius notes: c:

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Claire sighed, knowing that he was going to be so, so annoying and deserving of the title of 'idiot' once again. "The only thing you have to worry about right now, is a lot of complaining until they let me out of this hell hole," he told her. She grinned a little back at his grin, although both of them were looking tired, and said, "Oh, I know. Your knee is going to take a while to recover so you're going to be complaining for ages, I'm sure, even once you get out of here."

She sighed once again at his next response. "I've really never thought far enough a head to consider the outcome of a situation like these... The words impulsive, reckless and angry pretty much summed up the thought process... It doesn't really go past there..." Claire knew this all too well; where she was calm, in control, and logical even though she was crazy, Sirius was reckless, angry, and not thinking. "It's honestly a miracle you haven't gotten yourself killed yet, considering the way you act and don't think," she told him, a bit of typical annoyance creeping into her voice.

Now that she was done telling him just how she felt right then, about her walls and fears - an action that was very rare for her - she realized how surprised she was with herself. She always talked a lot, but typically it was in the form of yelling, especially at these times. If she didn't become silently upset and angry, she was very, very loud. Claire yelled a lot; at Sirius, at people at work, at really anyone if she felt they deserved it. Normally, she would be shouting at Sirius for a while for this, but somehow she had ended up being very honest with him. She was so shaken up and scared from what had happened, especially after them finally starting a relationship. Combined with her new relationship with Sirius, Claire had already been struggling with worries and fears and memories. She had always been unable to sleep well, but now her nights were often dominated by that. The newest event had just been a lot for her to handle, which she was very unused to.

He looked back at her after this, saying, "I guess I always knew it got to you a lot... But it's really different to hear you say it... And I know its different now... I don't blame you for being more upset about it... Or at least finally telling me." She shrugged helplessly. "Yeah, it always has... I guess I've just never been able to talk about it. I can talk a lot, but I've never been good at talking about stuff like that," she told him.

He rested his hand on her leg as she finally sat down, then yawning. "Rest? Remind me the definition, I keep forgetting," he said. "I have a right to worry about you too, remember? Besides, I wanted you next to me..." She smiled a bit at last but insisted, "I'm okay, you don't need to worry about me." He nodded and told her that he could try to not get himself killed, and smiled a little more as she stretched out on the bed, her limbs aching. "Good," she said quietly.

The smile stayed on her face as he took her hand, laced their fingers together, and kissed her hand. She turned her head to face him, bringing her eyes back to his as he spoke again. "I won't let that happen... I couldn't do that to you... I know what its like... I won't let you go through that. I'm not going anywhere, I promise." She managed to slip in and fiercely say, "You fucking better not go anywhere," before he continued to tell her, "I love you, Claire." She stared at him for a long moment, her mouth slightly open, and she was completely shocked. She had never heard him say those words and they managed to make her speechless. "Really?" she asked quietly, her voice shaking. Part of her had the urge to yell at him, something along the lines of 'you better not be saying that if you don't mean it!' But then she smiled in a way that was rare and special for her, reserved just for him, and said softly, "I love you too." She leaned over and, despite the pain it brought her to move, gently kissed him before continuing to smile.

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[James Sirius Potter]

"Oh, I know. Your knee is going to take a while to recover so you're going to be complaining for ages, I'm sure, even once you get out of here." she said to him, looking as exhausted as he was as she too managed a small grin back at him. Sirius knew she was right, as always. His knee had been through more injuries than the rest of his body from the time he was a little kid and it only got worse ever time now that he was older. Sometimes, he honestly wondered how he was still able to walk around at all. "Getting out of here will at least cut down on the complaints. It smells bad, the beds are not comfortable and they don't like my form of self medication." Because no matter how much he had been able to cut down on the drinking recently, it was always how he tried to make pain go away whether it be mental or physical.

He thought again, about all the times that he had put himself in dangerous positions. Sometimes, with Claire or other auror's be his side. Other times, he had gone off alone, not wanting to put any other lives in danger. He knew he could handle himself, could take care of himself. He always came out on the right end of things, but usually beaten and battered as he was right now if not worse. Sirius never took the time to worry about how things might turn out because he knew that they were things he needed to do. But he did know that there was always a better way he could have gone about it, each and every time.

"It's honestly a miracle you haven't gotten yourself killed yet, considering the way you act and don't think," and he could hear the annoyed tone slipping back into her voice when she said that. He sighed again, "I guess a part of me forgets that I'm not an eighteen year old anymore, fit and ready for action. Even though I honestly feel older than I am with everything that's happened, certain things make me forget... Some good, and some bad." The good? The good was Claire. Spending time with him always felt like it always had, but even better now. And sometimes, he wished he had gotten this a long time ago and somehow, being around her, his worries tended to fall away. If he wasn't discussing them with her that is. The bad? When someone pissed him off, he automatically felt like he was ready for a fight, no matter what condition his body was in at the moment and he never stopped to think before he acted, it was all one hundred percent on impulse.

Sirius knew just how unusual it was for her to be telling him all her feelings like this. In all the years they had known each other (so, practically like, their whole lives) she had never been quite this open and honest with him before. Not like this. "Yeah, it always has... I guess I've just never been able to talk about it. I can talk a lot, but I've never been good at talking about stuff like that," she told him. His smile was warm and genuine, comforting as he could make it as battered as he looked right now. "I know, that's why I never asked. I figured, when it needed to be said, it would be. You're good at that. And if I can make things a little easier on you by trying to think things through a little more then I will try my best to do that... But only for you." he replied softly.

She smiled a bit at last but insisted, "I'm okay, you don't need to worry about me." He smiled back. "I always worry. I'm just not good at showing it." he said, being completely honest as she had been. Whenever they put themselves in a situation like this -- as they had many times over the years, working together and all -- he always worried about her. He might not always make it known, but before he worried about himself, how he was, how bad his injuries might be, he worried about Claire. He needed to know she was okay because if she wasn't then it didn't matter what shape he was in, he would make sure she was taken care of before himself.

Then he proceeded to tell her how he promised not to leave her and how he could never do that to her. He couldn't help but bust into another grin when she slipped in saying, "You fucking better not go anywhere," but he didn't falter in what he was going to say. He continued on to tell her that he loved her, for the first time in all these years. It had been true all along, but this was the first time that it just felt it was completely right. He needed to tell her and she needed to know. If something had happened to him today worse than it had, he wouldn't have ever told her and that hurt his heart to think. She stared at him open mouthed and speechless for a moment before asking him, "Really?" which he knew meant, 'Don't you dare just say that if you don't mean it!' But she must have known he meant it, whether it was the tone in his voice or the smile on her face that he knew was one no one else got to see, he wasn't sure. Then she told him what he had longed to hear. "I love you too." as she leaned over and kissed him softly, pulled away and smiled at him some more.

"I always have," he said quietly, his eyes opening again as he closed them when she kissed him. "Just never could admit it until now, I guess..."

words, 1,018
tags, claire!
notes, hope you like ittt!

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[Claire Pierce]

you’re my back bone, you’re my cornerstone, you’re my crutch when my legs stop moving.
you’re my head start, you’re my rugged heart, you’re the pulse that i’ve always needed.
like a drum baby don’t stop beating.

words: six hundred sixty four tag: padfoot/sirius notes: c:

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She rolled her eyes as he said, "Getting out of here will at least cut down on the complaints. It smells bad, the beds are not comfortable and they don't like my form of self medication." Sirius had a bad knee ever since he was much younger and had been limping around on it ever since then. He never seemed to be able to avoid further injuries to it, while Claire had gotten by over the years extremely injury-free, at least free of permanent problems. She had several scars, marks of the fact that even Claire couldn't get out of things unscathed, but she wasn't in the bad shape that Sirius often was when it came to his knee. "Yes, well, while you'll be able to come home to a place that doesn't smell bad and has a very comfortable bed, the person there won't like your form of self medication either," she told him, her expression clear about the last bit. "You'll be able to come home soon, but I'm making you stay at the house until you can walk better because you're not allowed back at work yet. But I'm going to confiscate your 'medication,'" she added sternly.

Now she sighed as he continued, saying, "I guess a part of me forgets that I'm not an eighteen year old anymore, fit and ready for action. Even though I honestly feel older than I am with everything that's happened, certain things make me forget... Some good, and some bad." "Oh, I'm aware that you seem to think that you're still a lot younger," she muttered. They had both grown up quite a lot over the years, but Sirius had never lost his teenage and young adult recklessness and impulsive behavior, which she often commented upon because it only got him into trouble still.

He smiled across at her now, and she couldn't help smiling back a little, despite everything, as he said, "I know, that's why I never asked. I figured, when it needed to be said, it would be. You're good at that. And if I can make things a little easier on you by trying to think things through a little more then I will try my best to do that... But only for you." Sirius tended to scare her on a regular basis due to what they did for a living (and outside of official work) and how Sirius went about it. It had become more and more difficult to deal with and she hated every second of Sirius being injured. "It would be better if you weren't in the hospital all the time," she admitted. He wasn't really there all the time, but much more often than others. Even when he wasn't, she was still scared of it happening. There was too much to remember and be scared of reliving.

Sirius matched her honesty with his own, saying, "I always worry. I'm just not good at showing it." She repeated, "I'm okay... There's no reason to worry." She paused and then looked at him with a raised eyebrow, saying, "Well, then maybe you can try to avoid worrying me so much?" It was almost always Claire at the hospital with Sirius, relatively okay while he was in a much worse state, absolutely terrifying her. She never gave thought to her own injuries, usually able to recover very quickly, instead focusing on and worrying about whatever Sirius had gotten himself into.

She couldn't help but continue to smile as he said, "I always have. Just never could admit it until now, I guess..." It felt very right to tell him that after all the time that they had spent avoiding it, hiding it, not addressing it. "Me too," she said softly. She paused, and then grinned over at him, suddenly saying with amusement at last, "We're such idiots, you know. It took us so long to get here."

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[James Sirius Potter]

"Yes, well, while you'll be able to come home to a place that doesn't smell bad and has a very comfortable bed, the person there won't like your form of self medication either," a short pause, her expression deadly serious, then continued with, "You'll be able to come home soon, but I'm making you stay at the house until you can walk better because you're not allowed back at work yet. But I'm going to confiscate your 'medication,'" At this he frowned. Perhaps he just shouldn't have said anything about that part and she might have forgotten... Yeah right, this was Claire after all. She knew what he wanted and he knew how much she hated his habit. "I think that's unnecessary. You can trust me. I know better than to get completely drunk and let you come home to that, you'd kill me." he said with a small grin.

If that wasn't the truth, he didn't know what was. Even though that was the way he knew best to ease pain -- or maybe it was simply that when he was drunk he just didn't care about the pain anymore, but one way or the other -- he honestly did know better. After all, he really did love Claire, which was the only reason he had managed to cut back on the drinking at all in the first place. So limping around in pain for a while without the help of the drink that he had become so dependent on over the years was worth it. (Hell, if he really wanted to smarten up a little, maybe he would just keep off that leg for a bit but he already knows anyone asking that is just simply asking too much of him.)

"Oh, I'm aware that you seem to think that you're still a lot younger," as she said this he shrugged as best as he could, still trying to move as little as possible as every movement caused pain to his sore body. "Some things never change... I wouldn't feel like me if I didn't act like that..." he admitted to her. It was true, he was an adult now many years into his adult life actually. But the entire time, there were certain attributes about himself that he couldn't let go of. The recklessness of his youth was one thing he never out grew and one thing he just couldn't seem to out grow. It was a part of his personality engraved in him until the end of time he was sure. Could it be controlled? Maybe a little better than he chose to. Something he would have to work on for sure.

He told her that he would try to make things a little easier on her. Use his common sense a little more. Think before he acted. She smiled at him, causing him to smile back. "It would be better if you weren't in the hospital all the time," she admitted. "Trust me, I don't like it any more than you do. So in the long run, it will benefit both of us." Sirius had never stopped to consider that thinking first, may result in less trips to the hospital. How had he never stopped to think about that? He absolutely hated the place, and yet landed himself there more than most people. Most of the healers knew him, and most of them often got tired of seeing him knowing he would be back in a few weeks because he didn't listen, didn't rest, and re-injured whatever he was there for in the first place.

"I'm okay... There's no reason to worry." She paused and then looked at him with a raised eyebrow, saying, "Well, then maybe you can try to avoid worrying me so much?" In all the years they had known each other. From kids to teenagers and all through their adult lives, Claire was the one constant. She had been there for everything he had been through and him there for her. But more often than not, it was her there for him. Especially through every time being stuck in the hospital, every Quidditch injury and everything in his years after as an auror. From minor things like some cuts and broken bones (several times as he left ruining his knee more and more each time) to the times when he was there for much longer stays. Like when he had hurt his back and again when his family was taken... Through all of that, she somehow managed to stay by him.

"I think I can try and do that..." he told her truthfully, realizing finally, just how much she put up with for him. Which reminded him more and more why he loved her so much. Why he had always known there was something more between them. Who else on the planet would have the patience for that? Hell, his wife had barley had the patience for him with all of this. Some things, over and over again, told him that this was the right thing for them. And it had taken them far too long to admit it to one another and just give in, let their feelings take over, and live their lives like they were meant to. Finally, he caught wind of a happier tone in her voice than he had heard all night. Even more than the sincere and happy sound when they had finally said 'I love you' to one another. "We're such idiots, you know. It took us so long to get here."

Sirius couldn't help but have a big grin on his tired features and manage another pained chuckle. "You know," he said. "You really must be my other half, and great minds really must think a like. I was just thinking the same thing."

words, 996
tags, claire!
notes, i absolutely love this thread!!!

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[Claire Pierce]

you’re my back bone, you’re my cornerstone, you’re my crutch when my legs stop moving.
you’re my head start, you’re my rugged heart, you’re the pulse that i’ve always needed.
like a drum baby don’t stop beating.

words: eight hundred twenty nine tag: padfoot/sirius notes: <3

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Claire sighed, letting out a deep breath that tried to release at least some of the built up tension and stress. It didn't really work, but there was never an easy way to let go of the bad feelings, even a bit. Instead, she was kept up for so many hours and had to at least try to distract herself for a while. One worry was fading now - Sirius was okay, he was going to recover and would get back to normal in time - but it brought up many others. She closed her eyes for a long moment, waiting as he spoke again, saying, ""I think that's unnecessary. You can trust me. I know better than to get completely drunk and let you come home to that, you'd kill me."

She opened her eyes back up to find that he was grinning a little. She rolled her eyes with some effort at normality and said, "Yes, I would. After all this time and all the times I've dealt with you like that, I would think that you know better by now." She sighed again and quietly added, a little less strongly, "I just don't want you sitting at home getting drunk all day, okay? Not just for me, but for you." She shrugged a little helplessly, unable to explain it. He had been slowly reducing his amount of drinking for a while, which she was very pleased to see; she didn't want his reliance on it to return due to his form of 'self medicating.' It had been so hard to see him so drunk all the time for so many years.

Through the many years, some things had never changed about either of them. Sirius was still reckless and angry, almost too brave and always getting yelled at by Claire. She was very, very intelligent and more rational, but sharp and rude and hard to deal with. Somehow, the two of them together were a powerful pair, whether it was at work or in action or any other situation. But it didn't mean that she didn't want him to try to be a little less reckless and try to think a bit more; even when very angry or upset, Claire managed to be thoughtful, logical, and calm. He acknowledged his lack of growing up, saying, "Some things never change... I wouldn't feel like me if I didn't act like that..." She nodded with the hint of a smirk on her face. "You know, I suppose it is difficult to picture you actually thinking a bit more. I'm so used to having to think for the both of us," she replied, her voice holding it's usual sarcastic tone.

He smiled back at her and said, "Trust me, I don't like it any more than you do. So in the long run, it will benefit both of us." Really, nobody hated the hospital more than Sirius did. At this point, he practically deserved a room dedicated to him for whenever he was there. He managed to land himself there for varying amounts of time on a disturbingly regular basis. Claire rarely spent time at the hospital for herself; almost all of that time was spent sitting next to Sirius, who laid in bed while she yelled for a while. She would rant and he would laugh; he would be stuck there for a few days, complaining, and she would then laugh at him. "Well, that's good. How about next time, you picture having to stay in a hospital for a while again? I'll even threaten you - I'll get a Healer who doesn't like you assigned to you as your Healer. They'll make your stay even worse. We can make the room you stay in very unpleasant. It'll be wonderful," she said lightly, carrying on with lots of talking as usual, smirking a little more as she displayed something that she had never lost: all the sarcasm and scheming.

"I think I can try and do that..." he said honestly, and she smiled again. "Thank you," she said quietly. After thirty eight years, she had a lot of experience with Sirius that caused her to worry. There were seemingly endless occurrences she remembered, from childhood to their years at school to any time in their adult life. Being so close with Sirius was honestly a test of patience at times, and of how much you can deal with, but it was always worth it. Now he grinned widely and said, "You know, you really must be my other half, and great minds really must think a like. I was just thinking the same thing." She surprised herself by letting out her first laugh of the night. It was the inevitable, really; it always managed to happen around him at some point. "You do mean I'm the better half, the greater mind, don't you?" she teased.

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