thinking is a dangerous thing,

[James Sirius Potter]

A week and a half ago, Sirius had been laying in bed at St. Mungo's once again, with Claire by his side after narrowly escaping death once again. They had talked for quite a while that night, and he had promised her that he would try to think a little more, get angry and act on it a little less. As hard as that would be for him, he did promise her. After all, he hated that she worried about him so much. After a while, they finally fell asleep that night and the next morning he woke up frustrated to still be in the hospital. Even more dissatisfied the moment they told him he would be there two more nights. Finally though, after two and a half long days of complaining, he was home where Claire was forcing him to rest just as much as he had been there. After all, after the healers had given him the bad news of his three night total stay at Mungo's, they then informed him he would be required a minimum of three weeks off work and three more on desk duty before they would clear him to field work again. This was only due to the years of abuse Sirius had put his body through, they just wanted to play it safe and know he wasn't risking further injury by rushing back into it too soon.

In the old days, Sirius would have heard these words and disregarded them completely. But now, living with Claire, he knew that wouldn't be possible. She would demand and make damn sure that he was following their directions and taking care of himself. One thing was sure, his sleep was so off due to pain that he wasn't having too much trouble objecting to resting for most of the day. He would try and sleep, manage a few hours then would roll the wrong way on a sore rib or his back would twist a direction it was too stiff to go or whatever it may be and he would wake up instantly and be awake until it subsided and sometimes longer than that because he just couldn't fall back asleep. But during all the time he lay awake, at least Claire and her insomnia made good company for him. That was a good change from when he was staying at his brothers house, simply lying awake all night left alone with his thoughts. That was one of the things that had lead him to drink so much previously.

Now, at about six o'clock in the evening, he yawned big as he woke up from yet another nap as he had on and off all day. He very much was not used to this lack of sleep. He sat up and rubbed his face, his beard over grown at the moment and his hair a wild mess from having been asleep, but hey, there was no need to shave and comb your hair if you weren't going anywhere, right? What was on his mind right now was much more important than that anyway. Several times recently, he had dreamed the same thing, and that was him seeking out many different witches and wizards, then them gathering together and then he would hear the words spoken from himself, 'I want to thank you all for coming to the first meeting of the New Order of the Phoenix.' It was something he had tossed around in his waking state and his dreams for quite a while, but the dream hadn't left him alone, his sub conscience hadn't left him alone since they had rescued Ethan...

Sirius sighed, looking at the clock on the wall. Claire would be home soon, or at least he hoped so. He gently massaged his knee for a few minutes then forced himself to stand up and limp his way into the kitchen where he poured himself only the second glass of whiskey he had had all day. This trying to drink less thing was worth it for Claire, but oh, did he miss how easy it was to just drink down a bottle or so of whiskey and be more or less pain free (or at least oblivious to it) for the rest of the day. After he took a couple sips, he made his way back to the living room and out the front door, then slowly sat down on the front porch and lit a cigarette. Only in the past couple days had he been able to smoke relatively pain free, and it seemed his almost thought of quitting seemed to have gone out the window. He stretched his leg out in front of him, and sighed, looking up at the early night's sky, the moon and stars starting to shine bright.

He just couldn't stop thinking on the idea. If the thought of starting up the Order again wouldn't leave him alone, then it really must be time to do something about this. After all, he had three weeks with nothing to do and three more where he was restricted and he was sure if he didn't find some way to occupy that time his head might explode with boredom. Not only would this be a way for him to occupy time, but it was important. The Order was needed. But how exactly was he going to go about all of this? How was he supposed to decide who joined and who didn't? It would obviously only be people he knew for certain he could trust. He would have to bring it up to Claire when she got home. He had thought about doing so for days, even longer than that. Maybe it was from being home alone with his thoughts, maybe it was the reoccurring dream, maybe it was just everything that had happened recently, but it just felt like the time was right and it was something he needed to do.

So Sirius sat there on the front porch as he often did when he needed to think. He smoked his cigarette, a pained cough at the end of it and then sipped his drink again, just looking at the stars and pondering his thoughts as he waited for Claire to get home.

words, 1,047
tags, Claire!
notes, had to get this one out of my head, i'll do my best to reply to the aftermath thread tomorrow! sorry!

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[Claire Pierce]

words: six hundred eighteen tag: padfoot/sirius
notes: sorry it's such a bad post, but i wanted to reply!

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Claire was going to be late. Everybody else had left at least thirty minutes ago; she had intended to leave thirty minutes ago as well. Yet she was still working at her desk, trying to get through all the work she had. Normally, she would have finished this hours before, but a tedious meeting had taken up her entire morning, leaving her with less time to work, less patience, and less of a good mood. This had been demonstrated by how much she yelled and how sharp she was with everyone all day, and she just wanted to get home at this point.

Sirius had been absent from the office for a week and a half now, and it would be about two weeks until he could come back to work. While she was the one who was really enforcing his stay at home, she did miss him sitting across from her each day, making her laugh and reducing her stress a bit. He was going crazier at home with each passing day; he wasn't sleeping too well, he was lazing around all day, and he wasn't happy that he couldn't go to work. It was strange to often have him awake now when she was, because his sleep was all messed up, and it left the two of them not alone with their thoughts.

Claire was... well, to say that she was worried would sort of be an understatement. She was stressed and worried, with thoughts and memories and ideas following her around. The recent events had only increased this, which in turn made her want to work even more, even harder. She didn't want to see Sirius in the hospital anymore, or hear of anyone else getting hurt, regardless of if she knew them or not. Although she was being quiet about it, she was thinking of all of this very often, trying to figure out something to do. Claire had rarely been in a situation where she couldn't figure something out, and while she had plenty of ideas, she wasn't exactly sure what to do.

It was past six thirty when she next glanced at the clock; normally, she would have stayed much later, but she certainly preferred to go home and see Sirius. Instead of sitting in the office alone, Claire sighed and put her work into her bag, before standing and quickly apparating home. He was nowhere to be found, not in the living room or kitchen or in bed; she suspected that he was outside to smoke. Skipping her usual first step of changing out of her work clothes, she walked across the room to the door and swung it open quietly. Just as she had thought, Sirius was outside on the porch, smoking.

She leaned against the doorframe and said lightly, "I don't think you should be smoking, you know," referring to the current status of his health. She knew he wasn't supposed to be smoking, and Sirius knew it too. She smiled a little though and asked, "How was this day at home?" Crossing her arms against the chilly air that seeped through her thin sweater and shirt, she sat down beside him and studied him in the momentary silence; he looked tired despite having probably slept at least some of the day and hadn't shaved, and she noted that he looked preoccupied. She had noticed this several times over the previous days, but had not pushed him yet. Claire was good at reading Sirius but she would usually wait (with some patience, at least) for a bit for him to tell her. However, she was curious as usual.

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[James Sirius Potter]

Things often took over Sirius's mind when they seemed important to him. It was a constant thought, not just one that came and went whenever it was convenient for him. It would never leave him alone. Not until he decided exactly what he was going to do. It was quite annoying for him actually because he hated to be preoccupied around his family or Claire, because it's not like it wasn't usually obvious that his mind wasn't there where it needed to be, but somewhere else, in another thought completely. For now though, he was alone, left completely with his thoughts.

At one point, this kind of thing scared him, because not every thought he would spend hours, days, weeks or even months debating on were not always good ones. But right now, he knew it was good, something that would benefit the entire world if things worked out the way he felt they would. He just had to figure out where to start... Well, he knew where to start, he thought to himself as he took another drag of his cigarette, a small pained cough escaping afterwards. It was just a matter of how to know who to trust. That was his biggest problem. But that was something he knew he would have to discuss with Claire when he brought it up to her.

As he thought of Claire, he wondered how much longer it would be until she finally came home from work. The two of them were both workaholic's but he had to admit he liked that she had been coming home at a normal time since he has been forced to stay home. Especially when she was the one really making sure that he was staying home like he was supposed to. Suddenly he heard her voice from behind him and he smiled. "I don't think you should be smoking, you know,"

He sighed though still smiling and said, "Yeah, I know... But it keeps my nerves down and I think you prefer the alternative even less." The alternative, of course, was whiskey. To drink. To drink and drink in excess, to the point where he wouldn't care what he had to deal with anymore. He wouldn't hurt, but he wouldn't be thinking right either. He knew that she hated it when he reduced himself to that, and he kind of enjoyed himself better these days not being in a completely impaired state of mind. Maybe, just maybe, after all these years, he was finally growing up. Or realizing that he's twenty years behind schedule and he just can't do everything the same as he always has, or nothing will ever change.

"How was this day at home?" she said as she sat down next to him and he flicked his cigarette butt away into the yard. He shrugged. "Boring," he said simply. This was one of those times, when he could feel her eyes on him, taking in his appearance and he knew she knew that his mind was still other places. "Slept some, or tried to... But mostly been thinking a lot..." He ran his hand in his hair and smiled at her a little as he turned to look at her. Then he wrapped his arms around her, still moving slowly from soreness and he kissed her gently. "I missed you," he told her softly and then sighed.

"Since I know it must be driving you crazy though..." he started out. "I've been thinking a lot about everything that's been going on... The Nex... What happened to Ethan... Wanting to prevent another fucking war because that's the last thing this world needs..." Letting go of her waist, Sirius ran a hand in his hair once more and then rubbed his leg, closing his eyes and slowly laid down on the front porch. "I think it's high time the Order of the Phoenix came back into play... But I just don't know where to start."

words, 681
tags, Claire!
notes, its ehhhh. lol.

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[Claire Pierce]

words: eight hundred twenty seven tag: padfoot/sirius
notes: this is horrible, i'm sorry!!

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"Yeah, I know... But it keeps my nerves down and I think you prefer the alternative even less," he said, and she nodded, admitting, "I know. That's true; I don't prefer the alternative. I just wish there was a better way to keep your nerves down, you know?" Claire dealt with her worries by obsessing over something, like her work or a book, so that she could try to avoid thinking about the problems. Sirius, on the other hand, could fall back into his habit of drinking all the time, which she often worried about. At least he was drinking less and smoking less, but she winced each time he now coughed painfully when he smoked after his post recent injuries.

She watched him quietly as he shrugged and said, "Boring." She rolled her eyes and said lightly, "At least you got to sleep and be lazy. I spent the morning in a meeting that was the biggest waste of time - now that is something that you would think is boring. It was horrible. Then I spent the rest of the day catching up on too much work." She sighed, cutting off her rambling. As he smiled at her and messed with his hair, he told her that he had been thinking a lot, and she nodded in a way to prompt him to speak about that.

Instead, he pulled her closer to kiss her, his arms going around her. She gave up for the moment and kissed him back, then reaching her arms up to pull him closer again. Then he said, "I missed you," and sighed, but she said, with an attempt at lightness and teasing, "I really wasn't gone that long, you know." She could tell that he was still sore, still tired, still thinking. She lightly leaned into him a little, barely even thinking about how a few months ago she would not have been comfortable with this at all. She had never been comfortable with physical interactions, even with Sirius - for instance, Claire Pierce very rarely hugged. But yet with Sirius, things worked out perfectly now.

Finally, he started to tell her what he had been thinking about for a while now. She sat up straight, looking at him silently, as he said, "Since I know it must be driving you crazy though... I've been thinking a lot about everything that's been going on... The Nex... What happened to Ethan... Wanting to prevent another fucking war because that's the last thing this world needs..." She sighed a little at this, but continued to sit in silence as she waited for him to finish what he wanted to say. This was something she too had been thinking about for a very long time now. He laid down on the porch, but Claire stayed sitting, looking down at him. "I think it's high time the Order of the Phoenix came back into play... But I just don't know where to start," he said, and she simply looked at him for a long moment, thinking.

"Yes, that seems like the right thing to do at this point, I think," she said. So then Claire did one of the things that she did best: she started talking, and talking a lot, logically and in a way that was like she was thinking out loud. Claire was a planner, someone who went through all options and ideas, and she instantly started doing that, in response to what he said. "Well, to start, you and I can begin figuring out who at work to talk to. There's others around the Ministry as well, and of course members of your gigantic family that I know we can count on, and friends and other people too. I know there are people who will want to help. I can start making a list tonight of people to talk to. Once we talk to some people, we can organize some sort of meeting. We can decide on a location for the Order to meet at for once; even here would work. I can help you try to figure out a way to do this whole thing. Meetings, procedures, planning, all of those things..." She trailed off, stopping her rambling although she probably could have gone on and on, and simply added, "Sorry."

She pulled her sweater tighter around her against the cold and brushed her hair from her face before continuing; Claire Pierce, always talking. "I think it's a really good idea," she said, in a quieter but sincere voice. "Of course I want to do this." She absently reached for his hand as she thought, and then said, "I've been thinking about this for a while, and especially a lot recently. It seems necessary, honestly - the Auror department can't do enough. I want to prevent another war, and maybe the Order could do that."

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[James Sirius Potter]

"I know. That's true; I don't prefer the alternative. I just wish there was a better way to keep your nerves down, you know?" Sirius thought on this for a moment. "There were other ways, but they do me no good now. Can't run, haven't flown a broom in God know's how many years... Those were my other stress reliefs." Honestly, it had been a long time since Sirius had thought about it that way. In his adult years yes, he had still used running as a great way to clear his mind, but in recent years it had just become harder for him and more painful. Once in a while he would still go and feel content afterwards that he no longer had a million things on his mind, but he usually regretted it later for the pain it would cause his knee. After all, once he took off on a run, he would just keep going. It was easier when he would go for shorter distance runs before work or something, but even that wasn't really good for it. And Quidditch? Flying? The last time he had flown a broom he had probably been teaching his daughters to fly before they went to Hogwarts... He just never had time after that, always keeping busy with work or something else of importance.

That was what he had done in later years, before he just gave in and turned completely to drinking when his family was attacked. He had focused on work, for as many hours as he could stand at a time. Then the drinking took over, and when he was eventually allowed at work again, the drinking didn't stop. Not until just recently, when everything had started going right with Claire. If it weren't for her, he would still be a drunk wreck and both of them knew it. Claire asked him how his day was and he told her, 'boring' absent of any real detail. "At least you got to sleep and be lazy. I spent the morning in a meeting that was the biggest waste of time - now that is something that you would think is boring. It was horrible. Then I spent the rest of the day catching up on too much work."

"Sounds like I would have fallen asleep even if I hadn't stayed home. Meeting's remind me of sitting in school, because all people do is listen to one person talk. They never accomplish anything in the stupid meetings, they're pointless." he complained for a moment. The truth was, in the meetings that he called, him and Claire would present information, ask for advice and create a plan. In the meeting's they were forced to attend, some guy who thought he was important would talk for what felt like days on end, and Sirius generally lost interest and started doodling in a note book so it would appear he was paying attention and writing down the important stuff, something he learned to become efficient at when he was in school. The art of deception.

As he pulled her into a hug as best as he was able and told her that he missed her she teased him. "I really wasn't gone that long, you know." He simply rolled his eyes. "Several hours is a long time when you're left alone, knowing there's a bottle of your favorite whiskey in the cupboard trying not to drink the whole thing. I can't seem to stay asleep long enough even during the day and there is only so many times in a day I can distract myself with cooking because then I eat everything... And the fridge is nearly empty, sorry about that." he explained with a slight grin, which most people would mean to take what he said as a joke, but he was entirely serious and Claire would know that.

Then as he laid down on the porch and explained what had been occupying his mind for so long now, she just looked down at him, studying what he said and he sighed when he finished speaking. "Yes, that seems like the right thing to do at this point, I think," And then Claire did what she did best. She started to talk, but not just talk, plan, sort out everything he had been thinking but making more sense of it than his tired mind would allow. "Well, to start, you and I can begin figuring out who at work to talk to. There's others around the Ministry as well, and of course members of your gigantic family that I know we can count on, and friends and other people too. I know there are people who will want to help. I can start making a list tonight of people to talk to. Once we talk to some people, we can organize some sort of meeting. We can decide on a location for the Order to meet at for once; even here would work. I can help you try to figure out a way to do this whole thing. Meetings, procedures, planning, all of those things..." He nodded and smiled at her as she spoke and then she apologized.

"Don't be sorry," he told her. "You're amazing, the way you think like that is one of the reason's we work so well together. I get ideas, you make them realities." That was how it had always worked, even in school with some of the ridiculous things they had pulled off. Okay, some of the idea's were Claire's too but he always added to them in some crazy way or another. "I think it's a really good idea," he smiled again, just like always, she just kept going, but this time, she reached out and took his hand as she spoke. "I've been thinking about this for a while, and especially a lot recently. It seems necessary, honestly - the Auror department can't do enough. I want to prevent another war, and maybe the Order could do that." He had noticed before her pulling her sweater closer to her, and now noticed that her hand was cold as another gust of wind hit them on the front porch and he nodded at her. "I think it could work... We start with the list of people. My family is all people I expected to talk to, but how do we sort out the rest? Who we know we can trust for sure, without having to slip every single person a veritaserum potion... But it's cold and we can continue talking about this inside." he told her with a small smile as he sat up again just as slowly as he laid down, kissed her cheek and with much effort pushed himself to stand up but still held out a hand to help her up as well.

words, 1,167
tags, claire!
notes, heheh <3 love them.

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[Claire Pierce]

words: seven hundred eighty eight tag: padfoot/sirius
notes: sorry it took longer than i thought it would!

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She smiled a little sadly at his next words; "There were other ways, but they do me no good now. Can't run, haven't flown a broom in God know's how many years... Those were my other stress reliefs." Sirius had once been able to go for a run or go fly for a while to clear his head and he would come back feeling at least a bit better. Then it turned into obsessing over work like she did, and then his coping mechanisms reduced to just drinking, drinking, drinking. It had been hard to watch that happen, but Claire was glad to see it improving bit by bit. He was much better than he had been a few years ago, when he had been in a very bad place, and Claire had struggled to bring him back from it. Now she shrugged a bit and said thoughtfully, "I miss flying, I haven't done that in a while. We should go sometime." It had been a long time since she had flown at all, though she had probably continued longer than Sirius had. Flying had been a way to release stress and clear her head that she truly enjoyed.

"Sounds like I would have fallen asleep even if I hadn't stayed home. Meeting's remind me of sitting in school, because all people do is listen to one person talk. They never accomplish anything in the stupid meetings, they're pointless." Claire grinned a little wider. "Yeah, you would have fallen asleep. I was in a pretty bad mood by the end of it because it was just such a waste of my time, and everyone there was just irritating," she told him with an exaggerated sigh. Claire preferred meetings where she was in charge or at least contributing and getting somewhere; this had been an ongoing conversation that went in circles and didn't accomplish a single thing.

She couldn't help but smile as he pulled her into a hug. She rested her chin on his shoulder for the moment as he spoke, saying, "Several hours is a long time when you're left alone, knowing there's a bottle of your favorite whiskey in the cupboard trying not to drink the whole thing. I can't seem to stay asleep long enough even during the day and there is only so many times in a day I can distract myself with cooking because then I eat everything... And the fridge is nearly empty, sorry about that." She could hear the grin in his voice and said, "As I expected. We need to find you some things to do during the day, other than cooking and eating every single thing in the house." She paused, considering, before continuing. "Well, I'm going to have to hide more of the whiskey, then. At least you can come back to work soon enough."

Claire studied him for a long moment as he replied, "Don't be sorry. You're amazing, the way you think like that is one of the reason's we work so well together. I get ideas, you make them realities." She shook her head and muttered, "No, I'm not." Claire absently smiled down at him a little and added, "Well, it's true that we do work together so well. We can do this." And she meant that. It was a scary idea, in a way; it would put them in more danger, out as the front defense against them. But she knew that they could put together the Order and at least try, make an effort, and go from there. She knew that they could bring the Order back and hopefully be a success. The two of them had always worked together perfectly from the start; on their own, they were both intelligent and talented, but put them together and it was so much better.

She nodded as he spoke again. "I think it could work... We start with the list of people. My family is all people I expected to talk to, but how do we sort out the rest? Who we know we can trust for sure, without having to slip every single person a veritaserum potion... But it's cold and we can continue talking about this inside." Before she could reply, he had stood back up, kissing her cheek as he pulled himself up slowly, and offered a hand to her. Gratefully taking it, Claire said with a grin, "I suppose that's an option. I make perfect veritaserum, you know." She hurried back into the house, which was much warmer, and settled onto the couch. Drawing a blanket around her, she returned to thoughtfulness instead of her joking and sarcasm, and said, "I know there's some people we can trust, but I guess it's all a matter of not rushing into it. We have to really think about it and figure it out."

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