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Post by James Sirius Potter on Nov 4, 2015 0:34:38 GMT -5
Each day that passed he was feeling more on edge – the worst part was there was nothing he could do about it – not yet anyway. Sirius had sworn time couldn’t feel slower than when you were lying in a hospital bed waiting for your chance to get out again – but this last couple of months he had found out it was much harder to be on the other side waiting for someone you loved to get better.
While Claire had been in the hospital he hardly slept. He had become so used to sleeping with her next to him that sleeping alone just wasn’t happening. When they would tell him it was too late and he had to go home he would leave, but he wouldn’t go right home.
He walked for hours, ending up at the Three Broomsticks for a couple of drinks and back home from there – only to lay awake on the couch staring down the pack of cigarettes he had had for the last two weeks before the incident, debating on giving in.
For the first week of her being home he was still ordered on rest and not cleared for any work – and for once he didn’t resist. He simply enjoyed lying in bed with Claire, getting her what she needed and finally catching up on all the lost sleep. It was the first time in his life that he wasn’t itching to get back to work – and yet he was cleared 100% almost a month sooner than he expected due to his actually resting for once.
Returning to the office was like walking into a mad-house. There was a pile of paper work a mile high on his desk and Claire’s too. It took nearly a week for him to actually sort through it himself – all the while wishing Claire was there to keep him from sneaking off for a drink with his lunch so paperwork would be more tolerable.
At first he was only dispatching other aurors to take care of the flood of deaths that were being reported, but soon enough he ran out of people to send out aside from the members of his own team from his and Claire’s last mission. Regretfully they headed out without Claire to get down to work for now.
It felt like an eternity but finally the day had arrived – Claire had her appointment that morning and should be at the office any minute with a clearance for a couple weeks of desk duty before being cleared for field work. He leaned back in his chair and put his feet up on the desk and yawned as he ran a hand through his hair. His eyes kept darting back to the clock, then back to the doorway – just waiting for her to walk through the door.
He was actually feeling quite impressed with himself – he had managed to get through all of his own paper work and most of hers, leaving only a small stack that had arrived this morning. Of course, he only did it to help her have a much more stress free first day back than he had – but he was still impressed he actually got that much paper work done in the first place.
“Common Claire, hurry up…” he muttered as he absentmindedly massaged his right leg, just above the knee has he had been doing for years. “I’ve been waiting for ages, I’m going to go insane if Emerson tries to tell me one more stupid joke…”
Suddenly he could hear footsteps in the hall and he turned around excited to see Claire – but left disappointed when it was only a rookie bringing him the mail from the morning. Sighing he took the thick stack of mail and thanked the kid for bringing it to him.
As he started flipping through it to see what he could toss out and what he couldn’t, he noticed a familiar handwriting and his heart started pounding and his stomach was immediately in knots – it was another letter from Cato Blackwell. He hadn’t gotten one of these since before their last mission – why did he have to send one today of all days?
Hands shaking, he opened it and saw pictures of both Juliette in Hogsmeade and Claire – on the way into St. Mungo’s earlier that morning. The letter said that he hadn’t forgotten their little game and that he needed to back off, or face the consequences.
Sirius put the letter under his stack of paperwork and got up, pacing up and down the small space between his and Claire’s desks. Of all days, why today? Was he watching Claire now? Was she okay? Was Juliette okay? He started writing a quick note to Juliette and asked one of the younger aurors to run it down to the post office immediately – as he was leaving Sirius grabbed up his wand off his desk, prepared to apparate to St. Mungo’s and make sure Claire was alright.
Then suddenly through his hazy panic he heard a familiar sound of footsteps – but somehow this time he knew for sure it was her walking down the hall. He reached the doorway and saw her and immediately he felt like he could breathe again – she was safe – he loosened his grip on his wand and slid it into his pocket and took a deep breath, hopefully before she could notice he had been so worked up.
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Post by Claire Pierce on Nov 4, 2015 20:10:19 GMT -5
God, it was good to be back.
Well, she had yet to even get back to the office yet, back for the first time in three weeks. She had been back to the ministry for a couple of meetings that went beyond her Auror duties, which, after all, she had not technically been barred from attending those last week, because her healer hadn’t thought past her position as an Auror. Sirius hadn’t been too happy about it when he heard she had left the house to meet with a few officials and department heads as an advisor, as she did several times a month, but she wasn’t going to push the meetings back another week when the purpose for the meetings was important. But she hadn’t been back to the office yet, a strict order from both her healer and Sirius, who was enforcing it with what she thought might be self-satisfaction after years of being on the receiving end of that kind of order. And if she broke the rule, then Sirius would take it upon himself to ignore her orders any time he got injured. But unlike Sirius, she had a healthy respect for and faith in the medical profession and field. She, for one, listened to them.
She had frequently sighed heavily in frustration, but for the most part she kept her complaints to herself. Although she wouldn’t admit it, her forced time off hadn’t been too bad; she had slept a great deal more than she had in years, laid in bed reading with Sirius beside her for hours, had enjoyed the peace and quiet. She had even been impressively productive, making significant progress on her massive stack of books to read, writing a few articles and completing an essay for publication, and beginning research for her next project.
So when her healer asked her, “How are you feeling?” during her check up appointment for clearance, she confidently said, “Good. Very good.” And it was true – she was well rested, the treatment in and out of the hospital had worked perfectly, and she felt back to normal. Her strength was back, nothing hurt anymore, and even the visible signs of what had happened to her had disappeared, except for a scar that was hidden by her perfectly pressed shirt. That morning, while putting on her crisp white button down and her dark skirt, she had looked at it, really looked at it, for the first time. New scar to add to her collection. After a brief moment of consideration – it was very white and small, tiny in comparison to the damage it caused, in the spot where the curse had hit her, low on her torso because the guy had missed her heart – she had buttoned the shirt closed and tucked it into her skirt and pulled on her heels. Ready for the day, with an office outfit and her hair pulled back; ready to be back.
“Good,” the healer said, not taking her word for it. After an examination, however, he was proven wrong; she really did seem back to her usual good health. She was cleared to return to work at last, with the caveat that she remain restricted from field work for a week. She was allowed to begin running again beginning today, and allowed to return to teaching physical training when her field work resumed. For a moment, she gloated inwardly about this short period; she had taken care of herself and managed her recovery perfectly, allowing her to return to work quickly, whereas Sirius always ignored her and the healer, pushing himself too hard and sneaking cigarettes and alcohol as if she wouldn’t notice.
As she walked through the ministry with a purposeful stride, smiling at colleagues she passed for the first time in a few weeks, she tried to prevent her worries from taking over her good mood. There were about a million things for her to do the moment she stepped into the office, and with them came the reality of the situation: facing how things were getting worse by the day, being back in the chaos of bad news and expectations and uncertainties. She loved being on the frontlines, being deeply involved, and facing it all closely, and being removed from the worsening situation and the danger they were in had made her more stressed and frustrated, but she was about to throw herself back into it. But gladly, no matter what.
She was mentally going through her to do list as she walked down the hallway to the department – meeting after lunch, preparing for the evening press meeting, checking in with her staff, afternoon briefing at 4, probably dealing with a backlog of papers and the disaster of Sirius’ desk. The moment she stepped into the office, a cramped mess of aurors and desks and papers and boards of tracking movements and newspapers and photographs, her heels sharply sounding in the intense quiet, people shot up from their desks, but she looked immediately to Sirius, who was waiting at the door. She knew right away that something was wrong, watching as she saw him take a deep calming breath and attempt to steady himself. She only managed to say, "You know how to make a girl feel welcome back," but then people had approached her, grinning and welcoming her back. She smiled, happy to be back but already worrying about Sirius, and with brisk cheerfulness responded before sending them back to work. Once back at their desks, which were remarkably clean and empty except for a small stack of papers on each, she set down her bag, settled into her chair, and pulled the top packet of papers toward her. Already returning to efficiency, she didn’t look up, waiting for Sirius to return to his chair across from her. Once he had finally settled in his chair again and she had read through the packet, neatly signing her name at the bottom, she looked up and leveled him with a serious gaze. She asked, her voice soft but firm, “What’s wrong?”
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Post by James Sirius Potter on Nov 18, 2015 0:05:08 GMT -5
In all of thirty seconds Sirius forced his expression from panic to calm and collected – or at least he hoped. As she wandered past him saying, "You know how to make a girl feel welcome back," he smiled at her, still letting in the feeling of relief that she was here and safe. “If you hadn’t shown up soon, I might have lost it. People around here, Claire, I’m telling you. They’re going to drive me into a mental facility before long.”
He grinned a little and walked over to her as she sat down at her desk and picked up the packet of paperwork waiting for her. As she read it over, he placed his hands on her shoulders and started to massage her shoulders and neck. “So I’m guessing your appointment went well? Nothing we should worry about?”
In truth, Sirius was definitely concerned about what the healers said – but he was more interested in seeing if Claire had noticed anything off. He knew she was an extremely attentive and alert individual – for Blackwell to have gotten so close without her noticing was baffling to Sirius. Was he really that sneaky? That talented at not being seen? What were they really up against? He needed answers and those answers would start with whether or not Claire had a clue she was being stalked by a madman.
She finished reading her paperwork and neatly signed her name at the bottom. Once again, Claire was far ahead of him already. His stack of papers seemed to be growing by the hour today – his original intention to take care of them before lunch with Claire. After that letter though, that simply wasn’t happening.
After a moment he stopped massaging her shoulders and he walked around to his own desk and leaned back in the chair again. Claire finally looked up to him and that was when he knew that he hadn’t been quick enough for her not to notice something was off. She looked at him with a very familiar, very concerned and very serious manner and quietly asked him, ”What’s wrong?”
Trying to brush this off quickly he shrugged, “It’s been a bit of a busy morning,” he said. “I’m going to have to head out for a bit before lunch… I tried to keep this morning clear, but we don’t really have anyone available.” He hated the gut wrenching feeling that he was, in a sense, lying to her – but it wasn’t like he planned on keeping this from her forever – just until he had a better idea of how Cato was doing this without being noticed at all.
He had tossed around the idea that Blackwell might be using random Nex members to do his bidding – but he knew something about this was too personal for him to do that. Blackwell needed things to go perfectly for this and his men were nothing close to perfect. Sirius also knew that he was doing it entirely to taunt and play with him – threatening the only people he has left.
But why was this so personal and how was he supposed to put a stop to it? In a previous letter, Blackwell had mentioned that their “game” was just for the two of them – he didn’t want any interference. Sirius assumed this was because Blackwell knew together Sirius and Claire would be unstoppable – as soon as they could get a solid, workable plan. Was it all a ploy tactic to keep Sirius distracted?
His head was swimming with thoughts, a million miles away as he stared absentmindedly out the window, wondering now that he knew Claire was safe, whether or not Juliette was safe as well. That was his first stop when he left, waiting for an owl back might drive him mad – knowing Juliette she would think he was overreacting to something else and not write back at all.
After that, he was going to be heading off to talk to a couple informants he had been pumping for information over the last couple of weeks – maybe they would finally give up something to help him locate Blackwell.
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Post by Claire Pierce on Nov 18, 2015 1:18:30 GMT -5
Work settled her. Strangely enough, her work managed to settle her, despite being extremely unsettling work a great deal of the time. She dealt with the worst of the worst kind of people. She had seen far too much. And yet being in the office somehow grounded her, settled her in a frame of mind where she worked best. She liked the efficiency of work, the productivity of it; she liked that she felt she was doing important, and she was good at it. And she liked that some of her favorite people and some of the most talented, capable people were in the room with her. And Sirius was here. Sirius was at home too, of course, but Sirius sat across from her at work, and she spent her working days with him, and he settled her. Calmed her, motivated her, supported her. And she was more pleased to be back, sitting across from his spot with work in front of her and a teasing glance already on his stack of papers, than she would care to admit. This is where she had always belonged, and being away from it for days and days was beyond strange.
Still, that didn't mean she was without stress and worries. They didn't go away while she was at home, not at all, but scanning the boards of information and tracking and plans, eyeing the heaps of files and photos on desks, and finding the papers waiting on her desk served as a big reminder of what she was returning to. As Sirius trailed after her to their desks, he said, “If you hadn’t shown up soon, I might have lost it. People around here, Claire, I’m telling you. They’re going to drive me into a mental facility before long.” She rolled her eyes, setting down her things. “You lost it a long time ago, thought I'm not sure if you ever quite had 'it.'” She sat down, pleased, and kicked off her heels. “You’re going to drive me into a mental facility, Sirius.”
Instead of immediately taking his seat across from her, he started to massage her shoulders and neck without comment, only asking, “So I’m guessing your appointment went well? Nothing we should worry about?” She smiled to herself, unseen by him, at the “we,” then let out a relaxed sigh as he massaged some of the tension out of her shoulders. Halfway through the packet of papers, she set it back down and leaned back slightly. She closed her eyes for a moment, her head tipping to the side and leaning on his forearm. “Everything is fine. I told you I was completely healthy again,” she said. “I can return to field work in a week. I’m allowed to start running again today. I can also resume teaching physical training when I go back into the field, which is perfect because I have an intensive session scheduled for next Friday.”
She was already going through her schedule in her head, thinking of everything she had scheduled now that she was back at work at last. She added offhandedly, “Don’t forget, you have to be at that session. 2 p.m. I gave you the plan for it a while ago.” Claire was one of the staff members responsible for the training program, as if she didn’t have too much to do as it was. But she liked working with the trainees, so while she didn’t have the time to teach on a weekly basis like the main training staff, she still taught on a relatively regular basis, along with being one of the primary evaluators. “Can’t wait to beat you in front of all the trainees,” she added, less absently and more gleeful.
After signing the first packet of paperwork, Claire eyed his own stack of work as he returned to his seat. ”You know, I’m impressed,” she admitted, leaning back in her chair and surveying their desks. “You’ve been extremely productive.” She pursed her lips just a little, not actually really upset, when she continued, “Although it would be nice if you could be productive when I’m not hospitalized and then stuck at home.”
When she asked him what was wrong, Claire could see a brief flash of realization on his face. She had been right; she had seen that something was wrong with him. Claire’s mind was already racing forward – had there been an attack somewhere? Had someone they known been threatened or hurt? Was he still doubting that she was completely healthy and able to come back to work? But he brushed it off; she could see that too, how he tried to appear casual as he explained the busy day. She straightened up and tried to meet his eyes. “I understand. Things are crazy, and this department doesn’t have enough people. We never do when we actually need them. I wish I could go with you.” She tried to read the look in his eyes, but for now she looked back down, picked up the next file of papers, and said, with a lightness to match his own, “Bring back lunch for us?”
But she kept reading, examining a new document about security for the school; Sirius had deferred to her judgment with this one, as this had been one of her assignments for years. She read carefully and thoroughly, also allowing time to pass and Sirius to sit in his seat, possibly uncomfortably aware that she knew something was not okay and he was hiding it. Maybe he would say something, and maybe he would not, but she had a feeling she would figure it out one way or another. Isn’t that what always happened with them? He was her best friend and her partner, and she loved him, and she knew him. She knew him, and that included the ability to practically read his mind.
Now she asked, raising her head so she could see him across the desk from her, “Who are you taking with you?” Don’t go alone, she thought.
What would he want to do alone? she wondered, knowing him too well, knowing that he hadn’t told her why he had to go out.
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Post by James Sirius Potter on Nov 18, 2015 2:30:42 GMT -5
As Sirius massaged Claire’s shoulders he could feel her muscles start to relax. After he asked her how the appointment went, she leaned her head against his arm before speaking.
“Everything is fine. I told you I was completely healthy again,” she said. “I can return to field work in a week. I’m allowed to start running again today. I can also resume teaching physical training when I go back into the field, which is perfect because I have an intensive session scheduled for next Friday.”
Smiling at the news, Sirius did his best to hide the fear that was taking over his consciousness. “Well, I guess I was worried for nothing then. Forgive me?” he said as he wandered back to his own desk. She didn’t seem to have noticed anything out of the normal or she would have mentioned it. So how was Blackwell managing to get close enough to get these shots without being seen?
He was brought back to reality for a second when he heard Claire speak to him again, “Don’t forget, you have to be at that session. 2 p.m. I gave you the plan for it a while ago.” Sirius simply nodded in response and said, “Right, 2 p.m.” in the way he did when he was truly unfocused. Her next words however, definitely brought his attention back to the present – if only for a moment.
“Can’t wait to beat you in front of all the trainees,” Sirius smirked at her, “Yeah, right. Like I’m gonna let that happen.” It was in these moments that Sirius still felt like himself – like who he had been before all the devastation. Claire always brought that out in him – God it was great having her back at work, he thought to himself.
Then she commented on how impressed she was with his ability to clear their desks without her. Then she ragged on him for being unable to do so when she was actually at work. To this he couldn’t help but grin a little, “I did it as a gift for you, love.” He had been so relaxed with pet names like “love” around the house that he nearly forgot they were at work. At the moment, he could care less if anyone found out. “I couldn’t let you come back to the same chaos I did, you would’ve been screaming at everyone and scaring away the new kids. It was a mess. I won’t lie, I definitely had a couple drinks during lunch that day.”
After that the office went silent again – as it often did when Claire was looking through paperwork and Sirius was ignoring his. He continued to stare out the window – making a plan to get to Hogwarts, get to the rats on the street and be back in time for lunch. He also didn’t want to leave Claire – but he couldn’t let these unsettling feelings go – he needed to find out something, anything, that could get him closer to Blackwell.
“I understand. Things are crazy, and this department doesn’t have enough people. We never do when we actually need them. I wish I could go with you.”
Hearing Claire’s voice brought his attention back again and he looked over at her, as her eyes met his glaze he knew she was on to him – but he wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of knowing she was on to him. He sighed, “That’s always the case, isn’t it?” He ran a hand through his hair and rested his head in his hand, elbow resting on the arm of his chair. “I wish you could too, Claire. Trust me, I do…” Sirius wasn’t lying about that – if Blackwell hadn’t expressed more than once to keep this “game” of his between them only, he would have told Claire a long time ago.
She asked him to bring back lunch and he nodded. “Sure,” he said, for once his brain nowhere near thinking about food at the first thought of it. His mind just kept sinking back into the dark thoughts of Blackwell, what could happen to Claire or Juliette – he knew what this man was capable of and it scared the hell out of him.
Then Claire did the one thing he hadn’t prepared for. "Who are you taking with you?” That one question – that one simple question. It was enough to throw him off guard. He didn’t say anything for a moment, then pretended like he had just caught up with reality again. “Hmm?” he said quickly, then said, “It’s just a routine interview with a couple of witnesses. The only aurors available are rookies and I don’t have that kind of patience today.”
Sirius knew both of these statements were lies. There were at least two upper level aurors still in the office and these interviews were anything but routine. He was meeting with members of the Nex who were pretty close to Blackwell, but had been screwed over by him enough times to seek out Sirius while he had been at a pub for lunch a few weeks back. Their invitation was extended to him and him alone. He hadn’t actually taken them up on the invitation yet – but now he needed answers and there was no more time to waste.
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Post by Claire Pierce on Nov 19, 2015 23:14:04 GMT -5
Sirius said, ”Well, I guess I was worried for nothing then. Forgive me?” His hands left her shoulders and she straightened in her seat as he left to take his own seat. She fought the brief desire to stand up to kiss him quickly, before remembering they were back at work. For a few weeks they had only been at home, and there had been nobody around and no need to keep things professional, or at least their blend of professionalism, friendship, and partnership. They had been keeping their relationship quiet for long enough now that she sometimes forgot that one day they would have to tell people; it had become the norm now, and they had more important things to think about, but sometimes she wondered when they should tell the office, or if they should just not address it and act how they want. But for now she smiled, allowing him to sit down, and said, “I’m no stranger to worry.”
He wasn’t focused when he first acknowledged the time for next week, but her declaration, with its underlying challenge, brought him back. He smirked, of course, because he always did. “ Yeah, right. Like I’m gonna let that happen.” She rolled her eyes, flipping through the paper to an article that had been flagged for her. Before she read it, however, she looked up with a grin. He sounded more casual now, genuinely so, not forcing a lightness to make her think nothing was wrong. She was still suspicious, but didn’t want to cause an argument right now. She knew better than to push him; he wouldn’t tell her, not right now. So she returned to the joking topic at hand. “That’s what you said last year, and then I beat you,” she said, smugly. “Shall we look at our record for the last several years?”
Their fights, both physical and magical, for training sessions were something of a legend amongst the aurors and trainees, and they were no less entertaining for her. It was like their school rivalry as competing athletes, and there was always a betting pool in the office (which everyone tried to hide from her but she always knew about) as nearly the whole staff would debate who would win. It had been a long time now since the last big session they had taught – and fought in – so her competitive streak was coming out again. As she looked back down at the article, her smug grin dropping even as she added, “Don’t underestimate me, just because I spent a few weeks off for injury.”
He told her it was a gift for her; she rolled her eyes again, then shot him a sharp look at “love.” Nobody was nearby though, and she didn’t care as much as she once had. It had been months now; the relationship wasn’t new, they weren’t figuring it out and settling into it and needing to keep some time to themselves to enjoy it in private. Still, the unprofessionalism was there, but she did not care enough to comment this time. “Thank you,” she said genuinely, although she cringed when he mentioned drinking at work (she was going to have to confiscate the alcohol she knew he had hidden in a desk drawer). He had done a good job with all the work, and she knew he must have worked really hard in the last week without her there. “I would not have scared away the new kids!” she said, defensive, and then added, after a pause of consideration, “They’re not that new anymore, not the ones who are out of training. They’ve had long enough to get used to me. Or get scared already.” She shrugged. “Hey, they’re still here, aren’t they?”
Then Claire laughed, a sharp laugh, sarcasm creeping into her very countenance and face and laugh, as she said, “Sirius, I know you don’t mind keeping me safe in the office for a little while longer. I’m fine.” She could see the faraway look in his eyes; he wasn’t all here, not completely in the office. He certainly wasn’t doing his paperwork, or looking at evidence, or even making an attempt to look like he was. She frowned just a little, watching him carefully while she filed away some memos.
He insisted he didn’t need to bring someone. He was talking just a beat too quickly, saying that only rookies were available. She knew that was a lie, and she had only been back for an hour. “You should bring someone,” she said, her tone light enough. Without looking up from her newest packet of papers, a complicated plan for security that one of her senior aurors had proposed, she yelled, “Tomlinson!” While Tomlinson, an upper-level and accomplished auror nearly ten years her senior and yet fine with her orders ever since she was twenty-three and in charge of a team he was on, made his way over, she let Sirius watch this with what she thought was discomfort. Nerves. Maybe he felt bad for lying to her. Basically, she let him squirm, just so she could watch him and see if she was right (she knew she was), and partially so she could make him feel bad for lying to her. Then, looking up at the expectant Tomlinson with a smile, she briskly said, “Good morning. I need you to go out for a bit.” She felt vaguely triumphant, in a grim kind of way. After a pause, before closing the file, letting a beat pass before she finished, she said, “Can you check out the office building listed on here? If anyone is around, ask some questions. Poke around if you can. It’s the Middleton case – I know you’re familiar with it, and here’s the file. Let me know if you get anything.”
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Post by James Sirius Potter on Nov 20, 2015 5:00:59 GMT -5
As he sat there both contemplating his plan, move by move from the moment he would leave this office until he could return and also trying to keep up “normal” conversation with Claire, he became aware of how obviously distracted he seemed – yet he just couldn’t bring himself to let his fears wait right now.
Things were getting out of control with these owls – before they had always been distant photos, but the ones sent today made it clear Blackwell didn’t fear anything and would do anything he felt “necessary” and that thought alone kept Sirius terrified.
When he finally came totally back to the present it was only to compete with Claire – and it was mostly on instinct. The two of them had been both best friends and rivals for so long that it was hard to not give in to these moments.
Actually, he was pretty sure that it was impossible to not give in to these moments. It was times like these that reminded him he was still alive – and not just in the physical sense – he needed stuff like this to keep him from entirely losing himself.
“That’s what you said last year, and then I beat you,” she said, smugly. “Shall we look at our record for the last several years?”
He rolled his eyes. “You know, I really haven’t been at the top of my game in years – but I’m feeling more confident this time around.” He wore a smile that proved what he said was true – it wasn’t his usual smirk or the charming flirtatious smile, but rather one that he hadn’t worn since he was much younger and in much better shape.
While it was true (and he had finally faced it years ago) that he would never be able to be in the physical condition from before, he could at least do the best his body would allow. For quite a few years, serious injuries to his right leg and his back had taken quite a toll on him and anything physical was painful – and maybe things were actually starting to heal somewhat or maybe he was just finally used to it, but activities like running were no longer intolerable for long periods.
“Don’t underestimate me, just because I spent a few weeks off for injury.”
The confidence didn’t fade, “And just because you have the better track record in recent years, don’t expect it to stay that way forever.” He knew that this was going to be a big thing for the whole department – between the two of them it always was. This time, he was really looking forward to it – a chance to really put himself to the test (and reassure himself that his feeling better wasn’t just all in his head).
When he mentioned clearing the desk was a gift for her he had not really noticed his use of the pet-name “love” – but Claire sure caught it and gave him that look. That “watch it” look that Claire was so good at. He simply shrugged as though to say, ‘Oh, who really cares right now?’ She thanked him and he couldn’t help but laugh a little when she spoke about how she hadn’t scared off any of the new kids yet or they would have left already.
“They’re just afraid Pierce might hunt them down and drag them back to the department kicking and screaming, that’s why they haven’t left,” he said with a playful grin. He liked to tease her – she knew she had moments that made most other people a bit nervous, then again, so did he. The two of them were just like that, but with Claire it was different – Sirius was pretty sure she terrified people only because she is so small and has always had this angelic appearance with quite the temper.
“Sirius, I know you don’t mind keeping me safe in the office for a little while longer. I’m fine.”
His thoughts had been wandering again only seconds after he had spoken. Her voice brought his focus back momentarily, but her words kept him hyper focused on the reason he needed to hurry up and leave. She was right though – he knew that at least in this office, she was safe.
There were plenty of other people in their department as well as the ministry as a whole – she would be perfectly fine while he took care of business. When he knew more, he wanted to tell her everything – but the fear that Blackwell had eyes on him too, the threats to Claire and Juliette – the fear of losing everything again kept him rooted in place, afraid to tell Claire or anyone.
But maybe that was exactly what Blackwell wanted… He ran a hand through his hair as he spit out his excuses as to why he didn’t need to bring anyone with him. Only seconds later, Claire once again insisted that he bring someone with him – before calling over one of the agents who had been with the department even longer than the two of them.
Sirius knew she only did it to make a point – and her point was made. Immediately he felt guilty for lying to her. He hated the feeling that he was betraying her trust – something he had never done before, not like this at least.
As Claire told Tomlinson instructions to go poking around for a case they had been working for a while, Sirius was staring down at his desk. A sigh escaped him – he felt like a complete asshole – but he just needed to get it together. She knew something was up, that much was clear. She was pissed off at him – and it was way too early in the day for that. He knew he was going to have to talk to her about all this eventually – but first he just wanted to get more information.
He didn’t say a word, waiting to see if she was going to directly call him out on his lie, or just let him feel like shit about it until he came clean. Reaching inside his desk he grabbed his knee brace and the flask that was stashed in the middle of it. He slipped the flask into the side pocket on his pants and wrapped the brace around his knee.
“Look… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have just blurted out a stupid excuse like that… But I’m not doing anything dangerous, I’m just trying to find a couple of guys and talk to them. Poking around like you asked him to do. I can handle myself.”
He got up from his desk and walked over to the door, closing it for a second so they were alone – then he went over to her and leaned over, wrapping his arms around her as he stood behind her chair. “I love you, Claire,” he said softly. “I promise I won’t forget to bring back lunch.” With a small grin on his face, he hoped that maybe, just maybe, she would get over his lies before he got back. He kissed her lovingly and then stepped away.
“I’ll be back before you know it, love,” he said; and with that he apparated out of the office, directly to Hogsmeade to make sure Juliette was okay. Then he would be off to meet with these supposed informants for the first time.
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Post by Claire Pierce on Nov 21, 2015 19:29:33 GMT -5
Claire treasured these moments, the moments when things were light and funny, when they were competitive and mean to each other and they could act, for a moment, like nothing was wrong. She rolled her eyes at his confident smile; he was ridiculous. “You’re deluding yourself,” she said simply, confident like him. He reminded her not to let her better track record to stay the same forever and she leaned forward, taking the challenge. “You say that every year, and yet you’ve never won enough for the record to be in your favor.” She shrugged, straightening and twirling her pen between her fingers, restless and simultaneously casual and anxious, half her mind on her worries. “There is a reason the bets tend to be in my favor, after all.” Either way, though, she thought, it would be nice to have an afternoon where they could be their competitive and intense selves – in its own way, it was a break from everything else.
She briefly narrowed her eyes at him for his shrug back at her regarding the pet name. But it wasn’t worth harassing him about right now, she decided. “I would not,” she declared, sounding aggrieved, knowing he was teasing her. “If they can’t handle it… me…” she trailed off, letting the silence speak for her. Nonetheless, part of her was already running through a list of things she had to yell at people about. She had had plenty of time at home to read over reports and consider the things Sirius and other aurors had reported to her (she had a dedicated team of informants or responsible staff members, depending on how you wanted to look at it).
Although keeping things casual, just as Sirius was attempting to do, Claire kept a careful eye on him as they worked and joked. He wasn’t looking at her, and she was trying to catch some kind of guilt on his face. The auror in her was acting as a detective, attempting to read his features and find evidence of guilt there, to confirm her theory and validate her building frustration. The best friend, the girlfriend, the partner in her was looking to find some sign that maybe she was wrong; maybe he wasn’t hiding something from her. At the very least, maybe he felt bad. But he didn’t say anything, reaching for his knee brace and avoiding meeting her eyes. She tapped her pen impatiently on the desk until he finally spoke.
“Not doing anything dangerous,” she repeated. “As if I believe that. As if I don’t know you.” Her voice was low, to avoid catching the attention of those just outside the office. He shut the door, and she wondered if he was anticipating an argument. Almost as a distraction tactic, she thought, Sirius wrapped his arms around her and told her that he loved her. He grinned, and he kissed her, and he looked too hopeful for the situation. In the second before he left, she said, with an attempt at both normalcy and appearing less suspicious, “Bring back lunch, and don’t miss our meeting that’s scheduled for after that.”
After Sirius left, Claire lasted about fifteen minutes. She finished reading through a report. She signed off on it. She filed it away. And then she moved to his side and sat down, sweeping her gaze over the disastrous desk. Not quite sure what she was doing, she decided to go first for the alcohol she knew was hidden somewhere in the desk, like she had reminded herself to do earlier. She found an empty flask in the first drawer, stashed beneath a mess that pained her so much she nearly cleaned it right then and there. She knew he wouldn’t have only an empty flask; there had to be more. It wasn’t in the other drawer, where he kept his knee brace and where she suspected it had been up until he had left. For a moment, she wondered if he was off drinking, drinking too much before doing whatever stupid thing he was probably about to do.
She didn’t find the flask anywhere else. As some kind of coping mechanism, a response to her stress and suspicions and simmering frustration, she started to clean his desk. She started with the truly horrendous drawer of years of random items stuffed away, organizing it until it was neat and about half of its contents had been thrown away and a quarter put away in their rightful spots. After the rest of the drawers, she turned back to the desktop, which was remarkably clean (for Sirius) in his effort to please her when she returned to work. His growing pile of work was unorganized and, frankly, stressing her out from across her desk. She began sorting the papers with efficient hands and careful eyes, extra careful because they were looking for anything that could have set off his strange and off behavior. Claire told herself she wasn’t being nosy or suspicious or investigative; she cleaned his desk on a very regular basis, after all, because otherwise it would mutate into a massive disaster and make both of them unproductive.
But still – she found what she was, of course, looking for.
Near the bottom of his stack of unorganized paperwork – reports, forms, memos, letters, and more – was a threatening letter from none other than Blackwell. The accompanying photos depicted her – entering the hospital this morning, only a few hours before – and Juliette – in the village. Despite her best efforts at control, her heart seemed to skip a beat and for a moment it felt like she couldn’t breathe. Her hands shook as she laid them out, studying them with the critical eye of an investigator. She didn’t let herself react to them, to give in to fear. And in some strange way, she wasn’t scared – well, she wasn’t any more scared than she had been in the past days and weeks and months. It didn’t surprise her that someone was following her and Juliette, if she was quite honest. Maybe it was the realist in her, the hardened cynic who had seen it all. It could be worse, really. Someone was following them but hadn’t directly interacted with them or attacked them in the open, for one thing.
What did surprise her was that Sirius had not told her.
In response to her discovery, she stood up abruptly and began to rifle through the contents of the closest filing cabinet. And the next. And then she basically tore apart the room until she found an ordinary, probably purposely mislabeled file folder that contained more of them. More notes. More photos. Photos of her at home, on her daily morning runs, walking through the Ministry to the office and to meetings, going grocery shopping. Photos of Juliette in the village, at their home recently. The file held months worth of one-sided correspondence – or what she hoped was one-sided, because if Sirius was responding to these… - that had (she couldn’t help but notice) been filed away with an organizational system. They were dated, ordered chronological, and included scrawled notes about where they had been sent, when they had been received, if the dates matched up with when the pictured events had happened, and any other observations. She went through them all methodically, so angry that her mind felt like it had been wiped blank.
When Claire was done, having gone through them three times and made her own notes, she let out a shaky breath she didn't realize she had been holding. But then she got up and she put the room back together until it looked exactly as it had when Sirius left. She left the file right in the middle of his desk and sat down, trying to think rationally and remain calm. No actual work got done before she realized that he was late – it was after lunch. Their meeting was in thirty minutes.
Not long before their meeting, she heard him coming in; she had opened the office door after returning the room to its original state and one of the aurors had come to speak to her. She could hear the way he swung the main door to the department open, forcefully and carelessly enough that it collided with the wall. Although she couldn’t see the department entrance from her seat, she could see how multiple people saw him and quickly stood up, questions forming. Despite her anger, so extreme she knew she would have trouble controlling it, and the other feelings she wasn’t willing to identify, she immediately stood and rushed over. “Sirius!” Someone had made him sit down in a nearby chair; he had obviously gotten in some kind of fight. After examining him carefully, her face went blank, erasing any worry. He would be able to tell that it was controlled and even cold, and she didn’t bother pretending otherwise. Once she was sure he was in one piece, she straightened up and said, “Come on, you were nearly late for our meeting.” Without a backwards glance, she strode out of the department, knowing he would follow, because he didn’t really have a choice, but he wasn’t going to get anything else out of her for now.
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Post by James Sirius Potter on Nov 23, 2015 14:36:12 GMT -5
Sirius left the office as quickly as he could – which he knew was both a good and bad mood. Maybe it would give Claire a chance to calm down before he got back – on the other hand it could also give her time to stew on things and that could end much worse for him.
He had to push those thoughts away for now though. Right now he needed to focus on the two tasks at hand. Making sure Juliette was alright and then heading off to meet the two supposed turned Nex members. He knew it was still a risky move, meeting them alone. He knew he probably should have brought back-up – even if they had stayed hidden.
The problem was that no one else could know what he was going to question these guys about. Sirius wasn’t just looking for information on where Cato may have hide-outs and who his followers were – he was hoping to find out how Blackwell was getting so close to Claire and Juliette without being seen by anyone. Polyjuice? A camouflaging charm? He needed to know, so he could put an end to it.
Upon apparating out of the office Sirius was immediately at the edges if Hogsmeade. He pulled the flask out of his pocket and took a quick swig, replacing it and then heading on into the village with hopes of finding Juliette. It only took a matter of making it to the coffee shop before he saw her, sitting inside with that Blaine kid. Sirius shook his head – how could she be so stupid as to be still seeing him after finding out he was in relation to Cato Blackwell?
Without thinking much about it Sirius walked into the coffee shop and immediately had eye contact with Blaine – who then started to talk rushed and quietly to Juliette before getting up and walking right past him and out the door. For now he would let the kid go, he had bigger worries.
Juliette wasn’t thrilled with him showing up and Blaine’s sudden leaving.
“Look Juliette,” he finally said. “I know I didn’t listen to my dad and I’m sure you’re not going to listen to me either. Just be careful okay? I don’t want anything to happen to you…”
Whether she meant it or said it to get him to calm down she agreed to be careful around Blaine and to stick close to the castle until everything was taken care of. He sat with her long enough to drink a cup of coffee and make it seem like his visit was for a reason other than pure worry – he didn’t need her worried or stressed it wouldn’t do her or her baby any good.
Before leaving he gave her a hug – something she hadn’t been too keen on up until recently. It was something he needed though, somehow it comforted him more than it probably ever would for her. He kissed the top of her head and then headed out of the village.
Once he was a good distance from the village he apparated again – this time to an old industrial part of England that had been abandoned for nearly 10 years. The muggles had started on it, but construction had come to a sudden halt and it had been left to rot ever since.
His wand at the ready he walked around waiting to catch a glimpse of one of his informants. Stopping to take a sip of his flask he heard a sudden “crack”, once and then twice. He put the flask back in his pocket and his eyes immediately locked with the first man to apparate in.
“Markov?”
The man nodded.
“Eldridge?”
The second man nodded.
Both men offered their hands in the air, their wands visible sticking out of their pockets, making it clear they weren’t there to start a fight.
“You came alone, right? We’re not going to Azkaban?” the one called Eldridge asked. The boy couldn’t be more than twenty-five and looked downright scared, no matter how much he tried to force a look of confidence.
“If you can help me out, then not just yet. And depending on how helpful you are, I’ll see what I can do for you. But I’m not making any promises other than protection from Blackwell.”
Markov, the older man, looked to be in his early thirties. Sirius watched them both and started interrogating immediately. He first explained how to get in contact with him after this meeting – gave them each a galleon that would serve as their means of contact – an idea he had implemented many years back for witnesses in these situations – an idea he clearly stole from his father’s stories of Dumbledore’s Army.
Then came his questions:
How long have they been a part of the Nex?
Why did they join?
Why turn their backs and risk their lives?
What did they know about Ethan’s kidnapping (as they still didn’t have all the details and Ethan claimed he couldn’t remember)?
Did they know what Blackwell was planning next?
How did he walk around among everyone without being spotted now that his picture had been released (under an assumed name and listed as a “dangerous suspect in a major case” – no specifics as requested to keep the public calm)?
Did they know of any hide-outs that Blackwell uses regularly?
Looking down at his watch he realized that he was running out of time to get back to Claire with lunch. The last thing he wanted was to piss her off even more. Sirius was about to explain to them that it would be about a couple of days before he would contact them – when there was suddenly another loud “crack” signifying that another person had just joined them. Then another…
Sirius pulled his wand out and glanced over at the two traitors he had been talking to – they looked just as surprised as he felt. They weren’t behind this, he was sure of it… So how had they been found?
It was a matter of seconds before a spell came shooting towards him, and he threw himself to the side, it barely missed him. He saw a younger man first and got a quick shot in that flung the guy back at least 10 feet into a metal construction site dumpster. The man collapsed to the ground, not moving.
Before Sirius knew what was happening he was grabbed from behind, an arm wrapped around his throat and a wand pointed at his chest. It only took him a second to realize the other man was much lighter than him – he used all his strength to push the two of them backward, one hand still gripped on his wand the other trying to free his neck.
They hit the ground and the guy immediately let go, Sirius had been sure to jam his elbow into the guys ribs as they hit the ground. The man got himself together quickly – before Sirius even got back to his feet. He felt his breath knocked out of him as he flew back a few feet into a wooden wall panel that was so rotted he went right through it.
Anger flooded him – this just had to happen, didn’t it? As though the entire day hadn’t been stressful enough. That last blow had pretty much pushed any patience for trying to keep the guy alive – the next couple of spells they exchanged were brutal; Sirius managed to escape the worst of it – not that he could say the same for his opponent who was lying face down and not moving.
Panting, Sirius took inventory of what was going on. The two witnesses were surprisingly still there – hiding in a nearby entrance to an unfinished building. They had been too cowardly to fight – no wonder they were trying to turn on the Nex. The younger of the attackers was still not moving – from how hard he hit that dumpster Sirius would be surprised if he survived.
“You two pathetic goons get your asses over here!” he called to the traitors and he apparated with them directly to Azkaban – both for their protection and his. He told the only wizards there (who were in charge of providing food and what not for the prisoners) to keep the two for now and instructed them to go pick up the two bodies from the construction site.
With no time left to spare he apparated to the entrance floor to the ministry, needing a minute to think before he got to the department. How had they been discovered? Were the two followed? They were clearly terrified the entire time, they wanted their freedom again, right?
Anger had taken over again, his frustration with the whole situation – and everything he had just learned from the two traitors. Was it all true? Or were they fucking with him? Purposely acting as traitors to give him false information? To lead him into a trap for Blackwell?
As he limped up the hall and reached the department door he hadn’t calmed down one note. He was covered in dirt and dust from the abandoned construction site – a darkening bruise forming under his right eye, a few scrapes and bruises and clearly limping more than he had been lately. He pushed the door open with so much force it bounced off the wall, careless as he attempted to head for the office without distraction.
Unfortunately that didn’t happen as one of his dad’s friends who was advising on a case noticed him and forced him into a chair. Great, he thought. Then he heard Claire say his name – but he could tell it wasn’t just worry in her tone. Claire took a look over him and seemed to phase out any worry when she realized that other than being really sore he was definitely fine.
“Come on, you were nearly late for our meeting.” With that she turned and left. Clearly he was expected to follow without question – he knew he would be hearing it later. Something was off though. This wasn’t her normal cold-shoulder after he went and did something she considered stupid or idiotic. This had more anger behind it, but it couldn’t be about earlier, could it?
Others around were still questioning him and he shook his head as he slowly stood back up. “As need basis for now. No one finds out before Miss. Pierce,” he explained to a couple of them. Then he followed behind Claire to endure this meeting, the silence between them.
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Post by Claire Pierce on Nov 24, 2015 18:51:12 GMT -5
“As need basis for now. No one finds out before Miss. Pierce,” she heard him say behind her. The last thing she said to him was “And you’re going to tell me after this.” It was her own kind of threatening, and then she returned to silence.
As she walked down the hallway, Claire forced herself to rein in her temper. She could hear Sirius behind her, limping heavily enough that she could hear the change in his walk, and enough that it slowed him down; he was a few paces behind her despite the fact that his strides were longer than hers, although he might be using it to his advantage to keep a bit of distance from her. She wasn’t going to hit him or something, but if they didn’t have to go to a meeting she might began yelling, and he was probably trying t avoid both her shouting and the anger emanating from her. Claire was so angry, so upset, that she did not even want to really look at him right then. Once she had stepped into the elevator, she held her arm out to keep the door open for him, the only time she acted as if he was there. It took him another moment to limp in, and the others in the elevator shifted with annoyance, but didn’t say anything, because it was Claire, and they all knew of her. She hit the button for the fifth floor harder than was necessary, and she continued to ignore him as they rode up in silence.
They arrived at the meeting a few minutes late; Claire apologized and greeted the man they were meeting with, nothing in her voice or countenance that betrayed how she was really feeling then. She took her seat, Sirius in the one beside her, and began the meeting. Throughout the meeting she gave no sign that she and Sirius were not in their usual situation. In the back of her mind, she wondered if he had figured out why she was angry yet, or if he thought she was simply mad for getting in some kind of trouble, which she hadn’t even addressed yet. But she refused to think about what she was feeling, because she couldn’t let herself get mad in front of a colleague she barely knew, and she couldn’t let herself look at what else was going through her mind. Anger – that was easier to focus on than the rest, or why she was furious, below the simple fact of lying and hiding the threats and photos.
Claire didn’t even look him in the face, in the eyes, until he held the door open for them to leave. She briefly met his eyes, and her mouth tightened, and she quickly walked out, all the while saying, “I’ll send you that information right when I get back. Send the proposal over to me sometime today, please.” She smiled over her shoulder, a professionally friendly smile, and added, “Thank you. It was good to talk to you again soon, and I’ll see you again on Thursday.” Then she was gone, not waiting for Sirius to follow her. This time, he made it into the elevator before it closed.
When they returned to the department, she began talking to others, handing out orders and tasks, while Sirius hovered behind, warily paying attention. It was a few minutes before they stepped into their office, Sirius trailing behind her, but before she went in she noticed an empty board in the back of the department. She almost hurried into the office to grab the file of photos and notes. She almost tacked them up on the board. She almost started organizing the evidence on it. She almost got some of her top people up to work on it. But she knew better, so she didn’t. She knew it was too dangerous, and she knew they had been threatening. She knew she wasn’t even supposed to know. So she didn’t, and returned to the office and to ignoring the file, and she almost slammed her office door shut in frustration.
But she didn’t. She sat back down at her desk, the file visible and dead center on Sirius’s desk across from her, while he followed her into the office. Leaving him to find it while she refused to acknowledge him, and his presence, and his massive fuck up, she calmly picked up the next set of papers and began to work. And that’s how the next few hours passed, Claire serenely and silently working while steadily ignoring the idiot across from her. Besides paperwork and some work on her other cases, she secretively began more work on school security, Juliette in mind. She was already considering more measures to put into place, weighing options and wordlessly working on a new security spell she had been developing, without providing any explanation to Sirius. Furthermore, as a kind of coping mechanism, she began making a file. This required her to take the file back from him, which she managed to do without even looking at him. This file would not be official; it would not go in their official filing system, but she needed it for herself. She liked organization and evidence and details, and so she approached the file as she would any other case, thinking as impersonally and methodically as possible.
She spoke to him only when she rose for their staff briefing, during which she acted completely normal. She had no desire to cause a scene in front of the entire staff of aurors; the rookies who had been there for a few months and the senior aurors who had known them their entire careers alike had no need to see Claire so angry, so upset over something that was far more personal than her usual explosions in the office. She would like to tell herself that she was merely mad that he hadn’t done his job, which had also caused him to lie to her, but it was much less casual than that.
The day was now almost over. Claire was torn; part of her was counting down the minutes until she could get out of the office and go home and stop pretending with him, and the other part of her didn’t want to leave, didn’t want to address this huge problem with him. She didn’t actually like to fight with him – it was difficult for her, despite appearances, and she certainly didn’t like the circumstances that led to their fights. But that didn’t mean she was going to let this go.
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Post by James Sirius Potter on Nov 25, 2015 19:30:44 GMT -5
It was going to be a long meeting that much Sirius could already tell. She had said, “And you’re going to tell me after this.” as she walked away from the crowd of people in their department. Sirius ignored any other requests or questions people tried to shoot at him as they were leaving – he was starting to get a headache.
Sirius followed Claire down the hall, his knee was throbbing with every step he took, and no matter how much he tried to push it from his head it was prevalent right now. He was a few paces behind her as they walked through the ministry; the worst part of that being that he was trying to keep up, his body just wouldn’t let him.
Claire reached the elevator first and held the door for him, much to the annoyed looks of others trying to get where they need to be. Shifting his weight, wishing he were near a wall he could lean on, he sighed. He wanted so badly to say something to Claire, anything that could lighten the mood between them. Unfortunately, though he didn’t know exactly why she was so upset, he knew that doing that would be a bad move on his part this time.
It wasn’t long before they were walking into the meeting room. Claire being better with people than him by a long shot always ran these meetings – he was simply there to interject his opinions when need be and because he had no choice as the head of the department. She apologized for their being late and he knew that they could tell just by looking at him that he was the reason for their lateness.
He took his seat next to hers, his whole body relieved to have stopped moving. Throughout the meeting it didn’t seem like anything was off. Claire was showing no sign of the anger he had seen only moments before walking into the meeting. His mind kept wandering throughout the meeting, he couldn’t focus at all – and if anyone had asked him to repeat what they talked about he would have been pretty much clueless.
What was going on with Claire? Sure she had been mad at him for leaving by himself, but surely she wasn’t so furious about that? She had known something was wrong earlier, maybe she was mad at him simply because he wouldn’t fill her in? It wasn’t like he hadn’t wanted to… It wasn’t like he never planned to… He just needed to find out what they were dealing with first. He knew he couldn’t hide the letters forever, but he couldn’t just risk Claire’s life and Juliette’s life by telling anyone…
It was tearing him up inside once again, as it had on and off over the last several months of receiving these letters. He wanted to badly to tell her what was going on, to tell her how terrified he was. These threats, they hit him hard and he was starting to think that all along that was the reason for it. Maybe the game was to see how long he could keep his sanity at the thought of losing everything again?
The meeting seemed to wrap itself up finally after what felt like hours of him sitting there just tossing thoughts around in his head. He got up and followed Claire to the door and caught her eyes just as he walked past her and into the hall. She didn’t say a word to him, but had this look on her face that he couldn’t quite place… It was somewhere on the scale of furious and hurt… but why, he still didn’t know.
On the way back to the department he was keeping up a little better, the hour of being off his feet had definitely done him some good, though it was still a painful reminder with every step he took. This time the elevator was practically empty and Sirius got the chance to lean against the wall for a few seconds before they were headed right back into the department.
As she passed out different assignments he walked behind her only halfway paying attention to who she was sending where. She then headed into their office and he followed close behind her. She went directly to her seat and started working on things without saying a word to him. He stood there for a moment, unsure of where to start. He closed the door behind him as he limped over to his desk, ready to sit down again.
Sirius was just about to open his mouth to say something when he took notice of the file on his desk. The rest of his desk was cleaned up, as it often was when Claire was in the office and he was out – but it was the fact that the file on his desk was unmarked that made his stomach sink. There were very few unmarked files in their office – and only one that was anywhere near his desk.
“Claire…” he said nervously, opening up the file folder to find exactly what he already knew. She had found all the letters, all the photos and all his notes. “You have to understand Claire…” he started off with as he thumbed through everything to make sure nothing was misplaced. “I couldn’t tell you, at least not yet…”
His voice was shaking, this was the last thing he had expected to happen. She must have found the letter from this morning when she was cleaning his desk. He should have put it somewhere else, why hadn’t he? Maybe, he had wanted her to find it. Maybe he didn’t want to tell her, but he wanted her to know. He ran his hands through his hair one after the other.
What was going to happen now? Did he already know that she found out? How could he know? Was there a chance someone in their department was a spy? His brain was getting carried away, this couldn’t really be happening… and yet it was.
Claire ignored every single word he said. She never looked his direction, never made a single move to acknowledge that she heard him. He was going to lose his mind, she had to understand. If Blackwell was telling the truth, either her or Juliette or both were in serious danger right now.
He closed the file and pushed it away from him and leaned back in his chair. “Claire, talk to me love.” Why today of all days? He was going to fill her in on where he had been. He would have told her everything eventually. When he knew they had a solid plan to take down Blackwell before he could hurt anyone else.
More silence. She sat there working away, only getting up once to snatch away the file off his desk once again. Not a single word of what she was doing with it. “Claire…” he said softly. “I know you’re pissed at me but please hear me out…” Still nothing.
This pattern of him attempting to get her to talk to him and her promptly ignoring every single thing that he said continued on until the end of the day staff meeting. Things seemed normal again for a moment as they got caught up on everyone’s progress from the day. It seemed like their growing team of aurors were working hard and he could at least feel good about that.
He closed their meeting with a “good job everybody” as he often tried to do – the same as he had when captain for Quidditch so many years ago. It was still a team after all, wasn’t it?
Sirius heart started pounding again as he made his way back to the office behind Claire. There were minutes left until they usually departed. He sat down for a moment and took the knee brace off, replacing it in his desk and stretching his leg; he also managed to slip the nearly empty flask back into the drawer at the same moment.
“Claire, when we get home, please talk to me.” he said without looking at her as he stood up, using the desk for balance at first. “I didn’t want to hide this from you.” he said as he picked up the file, locked eyes with her for just a second and then apparated to their living room.
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Post by Claire Pierce on Nov 25, 2015 22:50:08 GMT -5
Sirius didn’t try to joke with her, to say anything funny or light, to alleviate the tension between them. He knew Claire better than that; there were few moments when he couldn’t joke with her, but this was one of them. If he tried to say something light to her – or anything, really – right then, Claire might have lost her control. She liked having situations under her control, and right then she controlled the silence between them, allowed the tension to simmer between them, let him to begin to squirm as he worried about what he had coming, all while she kept her silence and kept her feelings in check. She didn’t do feelings, but she did do anger. That was what she did well; she could address her anger, unpack it and figure it out and, most of all, react to it. She could unleash her anger in fuming bursts of yelling and seething silences of disappointment. But the other feelings underneath all the anger were ones she wasn’t quite ready to touch yet.
So Claire sat through the meeting, conducting a productive and professional discussion, while Sirius sat beside her. She could feel his eyes on her, while he must have been attempting to figure out what was going on. He received no more indication from her, just like she wanted. Part of her, the mean part of her, wondered how much this was bothering him. Was it killing him? Did he think she was just mad about him getting into trouble? She was feeling vindictive then, while she turned the problem over and over again in her mind. Would he crack and tell her of his own volition? Would he try to defend himself when he realized she knew? He had always had a streak of self-righteousness, thinking he was doing what was best, and she knew this was at play here.
The angry and vindictive part of her was pleased that he didn’t go into their office before her, because she wanted to see his reaction. She was already seated at her desk when he noticed the file, but although she couldn’t see his face, she could hear the breath he sucked in, obviously when he found the file awaiting him. In her effort to ignore him, her eyes remained on her papers, despite wanting to see the look on his face out of some kind of need for revenge. He started talking quickly, which she ignored. He asked for her to understand, that he couldn’t tell her yet.
And that’s what Claire didn’t understand – that he thought she could understand this, that he had lied to her and hidden something from her and –
She took a small calming breath, small enough that he wouldn’t notice, especially in his distracted and nervous state. His voice was shaking. Would her voice shake, or would it become cold and hard? This was a rare occurrence – she wasn’t quite sure how she would react, when she finally let herself respond to him. She didn’t feel in control, not enough to begin addressing this, and that meant she couldn’t do this at work. She didn’t want to deal with something so personal at work, and especially not when she knew she was going to lose control and be emotional. It was embarrassing, and unprofessional, and not something that should be done in hearing of a large team of aurors. Besides, it was a dangerous and sensitive topic; the information couldn’t just float around out of their office. And she was going to be emotional; she was doing a passable job of controlling it now, but once she got started, and removed that wall that was blocking all the other feelings – she wasn’t sure how it would go.
So when he asked – begged, almost – for her to talk to him, to hear him out, she did not.
The first thing she said to him in hours was a simple request at the staff meeting. “Sirius, an update on the Sullivan case?” She heard his closing words, “good job everybody,” as she stalked away, and almost snorted at his attempt at normalcy. Not long after, as the time passed to an acceptable time for them to leave, he removed his knee brace like usual, but she just barely heard the clunk of something else landing in the drawer. Not quiet enough, Sirius, she thought, her mouth tightening slightly. Before he left, using the desk for balance in a way that worried her despite everything, he asked her to talk to him when they got home. “I didn’t want to hide this from you,” he said, just before leaving. In the last moment before he was gone, Claire said, her voice measured and calm but emotionless, “But you did.”
When he left, she stood and paced around the office for a few minutes. She didn’t want to follow him home yet. Maybe she couldn’t deal with this yet, but she also couldn’t go home and go about their lives like usual. It wasn’t like they could go home as they normally would – Sirius cooking dinner and Claire changing out of work clothes and pacing behind him in the kitchen, eating dinner and moving into the living room to read and work and maybe try to relax, Sirius going to bed before her and Claire slipping into bed beside him at a late, late hour. Her hands clenched at the thought of it, and at the thought of talking about what she knew now. So she killed more time. Let him squirm more, she thought, spitefully, even as she almost felt bad about it, if only it had gotten past the haze of her anger.
For almost an hour she remained at work, going over cases with some aurors who were still there, and then, as she felt like she couldn’t avoid it any longer – or else she would stay all night and sleep there – she grabbed her coat and her bag. Just before leaving, however, she yanked open one of his desk drawers. She had been right; a flask was hidden underneath the brace. Snatching it from his desk, she finally left. Her first move when she got home was to pour out the rest of the flask’s contents, a tad dramatically and in full view of Sirius. Without a word, she put away her coat, set down her bag, took off her heels, and pulled her hair out of its bun. She said nothing, not because she didn’t want to talk about it and truly act like it hadn’t happened, but because she didn’t know how to start. As she straightened the pillows on the couch, she said, her voice cold, "I thought we didn't lie to each other. Or, really, that you lied to me."
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Post by James Sirius Potter on Nov 27, 2015 22:39:17 GMT -5
The last thing he heard her say, just as he left the office, was “But you did.” Those words hit harder than she probably knew – or maybe she did know and just didn’t care right now. Either way, he couldn’t really blame her. He had hid this from her since September and it was going on the end of May – he had never hid anything for so long, let alone anything this vitally important. But he was doing it to protect her and Juliette… Right?
As soon as he got home he just started pacing back and forth from the kitchen to the living room, his knee protesting in pain but he ignored it. How could he make her understand? How could he ever make her see his point of view on the situation? Yes, if it had been anyone else he would have told them to come forward and let them handle it – but this was different. Blackwell wasn’t just any crazy stalker, he wasn’t afraid to commit to his word and that scared the hell out of Sirius.
The throbbing pain suddenly turned into a shooting pain with each step, forcing him to stop pacing around like mad. He leaned his back against the wall and slid down to the floor, his left knee pulled up to his chest, right leg stretched out, and his face in his hands. “I’m going to kill that mother fucker, I swear it…” he said angrily, practically yelling, his voice echoing throughout the empty home.
Sirius felt like he was losing his mind all over again. Every second until Claire got home he was going to have to worry – but if he had sat there at his desk she still would have refused to say a word to him. He had hoped by leaving he might get her to come home sooner. Yet she still wasn’t here. She had to know what this was doing to him, didn’t she? To think Blackwell was so close to her and at St. Mungo’s of all places! It made him wonder if they could trust everyone on their team.
That thought brought him momentarily to earlier that afternoon – that Blaine kid had been with Juliette. He still didn’t trust the kid – what if he was how Blackwell was getting so close? What if he was just reporting back to him? He shook off the thoughts, they had aurors all around the castle and the village, Juliette would be safe for now – and she had promised to stick close. He just couldn’t entirely push the thoughts from his mind. He couldn’t focus on anything at all.
Slowly he got up, the pain in his knee mostly subsided again. Sirius started looking through drawers in the kitchen – he had stashed a pack of cigarettes a long time ago. He had kept them around and managed to ignore them since before Claire had been injured but today seemed like an okay day to give in. He had already drank most of the flask he had during the afternoon, so why not add a cigarette or two to the list? What could it really hurt at this point?
Anything that could have helped him relax seemed to be gone. Claire must have realized it was the same old pack and thrown it away so he wouldn’t be tempted. As much as he would have appreciated that any other time, right now he wished she wouldn’t have. He looked up at the clock – he had only been home for twenty minutes, but it felt like so much longer. Why does time pass so much slower when you’re not sure what to expect next?
For about ten minutes he managed to lay on the couch. After that it was like anxiety he had forgotten he had sank in and sitting still was impossible. “Claire, please hurry up and come home damn it.” The last time he remembered feeling like this was when Claire was being worked on at St. Mungo’s – and prior to that… Well probably not somewhere he wanted his head to go right now. He stood up again, still pacing now, but moving at an easier pace.
Sirius was trying to go over everything new he had learned today – anything that could help them catch him. Once they caught him, he could finally relax. The informants had said Blackwell used a mixture of techniques so as not to be caught – most often though they noted seeing him use Polyjuice and the Disillusionment Charm to get close to places where he would be seen and recognized. Even the Ministry.
Hearing those words play through his head caused the hairs on the back of his neck to stand up, just as horrifying to remember as they were to hear the first time around. Had he spoken to him before? Would he be using the same identity or many different ones? There had to be a way to use that… He needed for them to be able to use this information to their advantage.
The next twenty minutes passed exactly like that. Sirius pacing, then stopping and sitting on the couch with his head in his hands, wishing Claire had never found that letter. Wishing he hadn’t been terrified to tell her sooner. Starting to wonder if maybe this was part of Blackwell’s plan – maybe he wanted to drive him mad; so insane that he just couldn’t work the case. Maybe the entire time the game was just to use his fears and mental state against him, more than leverage?
Just a little past an hour after he had gotten home, Claire appeared. Clearly still fire and brimstone angry she immediately walked past him (as he had been pacing back into the kitchen when she appeared) and poured the last of the contents of his flask in the sink. The look she gave him said it all, she was furious, hurt and betrayed – looks he had seen on many women before, but never Claire.
She didn’t say a word as she took off her heels, put up her things and pulled down her hair; but he knew it was coming. When she finally spoke, he knew he was right about what that look had meant.
"I thought we didn't lie to each other. Or, really, that you lied to me.”
Immediately he wanted to defend his actions – to say anything to try and make her realize that he did what he thought was right. Yet he knew all of was a mixture of half-truths and excuses to anyone else. Anyone who wasn’t the one with a second chance at a family, already being threatened to lose everything all over again.
“I couldn’t risk losing you,” he said, his grey blue eyes locked onto her brown ones. “He threatened your life. Juliette’s life.” Never mine, he thought to himself, voice sounding less put together than he had hoped for right now. This whole thing was killing him inside – all he wanted was to keep them safe and now he had betrayed the trust of his best friend and better half. All over some mind game being controlled by a psychopath.
“I needed to know how he was getting so close. Otherwise, if I told you, you would still have no idea who or what you were looking for Claire.”
Sirius wanted to apologize right then and there – to try and patch up the whole situation. His head was so lost in the what-if’s that were now on the table. How long until Blackwell found out Claire knew? Sirius had once thought it insane for Blackwell to know these things, at least without informants; but after finding out he had been within the ministry walls himself, he didn’t put anything past him.
Unfortunately Sirius knew this problem was bigger than a simple ‘I’m sorry’. He had broken her trust. He had lied to her – more than once – in order to keep this a secret. It had been bothering him the entire time, but his fears removed his willingness to tell her. At least not until he knew he could keep them both safe.
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Post by Claire Pierce on Nov 28, 2015 0:26:04 GMT -5
There was a part of Claire that wanted to shut down. Shut down and ignore him, ignore the problem, ignore the danger and threats and the reality that somebody was stalking her, ignore the fact that her best friend slash boyfriend slash partner had lied to her. But she didn’t – when did Claire shut down? There was so rarely an off switch for her. She didn’t know how to stop. How to stop anything, really; worrying, getting angry, an intense workaholic life, a stubborn determination that might get her into trouble. She couldn’t just stop being mad at him, and she couldn’t just stop reacting. It was all she knew how to do. She still wanted to shut down and just not think or feel.
Still, Claire was too far gone, too far past the point where maybe she could have shut down. She hoped that the expression on her face was enough to tell him he had fucked up. “I cannot believe you,” she snapped, her angry yet serene composure beginning to crack. He began to try to defend himself, and she folded the blanket that had been left on the armchair with sharp, jerky movements. She remained silent now as he talked, trying to defend himself while she thought he should just shut up. He wasn't helping himself. When the living room had finally been cleaned up, she turned to him, her arms crossed.
“Don’t make excuses with me. You can’t just charm your way out of this,” she said. “You can’t just say ‘I’m sorry’ to me right now. This is so - so far beyond that.” Her voice was so cold, so brittle, she was worried it might break. She wasn’t ready to hear herself anything but cold and controlled. If she was honest with herself, she wasn’t ready to face all the aspects of how she felt. Taking a deep calming breath, she closed her eyes momentarily, but when she opened them they were just as angry as before. “You don’t think I understand what it’s like to be worried about losing someone? To be worried about losing you?”
Her voice rose now. “This is our job. I risk losing you every day. We risk our lives every single day. Now is the time to worry about these risks? Now is the time to adjust years and years of habit and work and partnership?” Where Sirius would have paced, she stood utterly still in the center in the living room. It was so bad that she was more than slightly considering taking the Sirius way out and pouring herself a glass of something alcoholic; she had left him one small bottle of something in the kitchen, because she wasn’t mean enough to make him quit cold turkey, and he would just buy it again anyways. She merely watched his alcohol consumption with a careful eye. Maybe she could learn why he liked it so much; she had never understood.
Instead, she took her normal way out: she got angry, truly angry. “Do you really think I’m in any more danger now that I know?” she asked, genuinely questioning his thought process with that. “I live in one of the most well-protected homes in the country. I work in one of the well-protected buildings in the country. And honestly, I am one of the most well-protected and capable people in the country.” It was true – the house was protected with a combination of every protection spell known to man and her own secret protection spells. It would not be very possible to get past it, and after all, none of the photos were from inside the boundaries of her home. Beyond that, Claire had a number of protection spells on her person every moment of the day, and was better at protecting herself than pretty much anyone. It wasn’t just bragging on her part. “ It is not a new development that he wants to kill me, but in case you haven’t noticed, he hasn’t gotten to me yet, Sirius.”
When Claire got angry, or really in any mood, she talked a lot. She used reason and facts and all her thoughts, so Sirius was in for a lot coming from her. During this, he was not exactly supposed to talk. He always did anyways, but she would speak over him or continue as soon as he was done. When she had something to say, she was going to say it all. “There is no reason for him to have left me alone for this long, Sirius, except to fuck with you. He’s trying to mess with your head. You can’t let him get to you like this – you need to think like an auror. You can’t give in to the fear he’s trying to create.”
Now she closed her eyes again, steadying her breathing. Her nails were digging into her arms. Irrationally, she wanted to hit him, nearly wanted to start a physical fight because that was better than this (emotions and having to reason with him and explain how she felt)… or, at the very least, storm away. She wasn’t even able to look at him when she said, her voice shaking just enough that he would notice, and she hated that, hated so much that she couldn’t control it any more, “You lied to me. You kept something from me for a long time. You are my best friend. Boyfriend. Partner. That means you don’t lie. I certainly don’t lie to you, Sirius.” She didn't care that maybe that was a low blow; she wanted to make him feel bad, she wanted him to feel awful like she did, she wanted him to realize he had fucked up. Claire had never been the kind and forgiving type. She couldn’t think of the last time she had lied to him; the main thing she had hidden from him was the fact that she was in love with him, and that was a different matter. But she was in love with him, and now they were together at last, and their relationship had had a secret in it from the very beginning.
Claire wasn’t about to cry, but she was shaking with anger and fuming in her disappointment, and she didn’t know how to handle this feeling, whatever it was. Betrayal? Shock? They had never been in a position quite like this.
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Post by James Sirius Potter on Nov 30, 2015 21:40:06 GMT -5
Sirius had practically frozen in place as he spoke, leaning against the door frame between the living room and the kitchen. It was unlike him, but this whole situation felt unlike him – he absolutely hated the fact that he had hidden this from Claire – but had not felt like he had much of a choice. This whole thing could have gone so much different if he had gotten to tell her before she found out herself; he had known it was only a matter of time, Claire was just all-knowing like that, and she always had been.
Once he got a few words in, trying desperately to get his point across and help her understand where he was coming from, he knew what was coming. Claire had been letting this build up inside of her since this morning – he knew there wasn’t going to be any nice conversation until she got a chance to let it all out. He watched as she tidied up the living room, her way of trying to keep it together had always been keeping busy. When she finally finished she looked at him with that look he didn’t want to see, just before she finally spoke again…
“Don’t make excuses with me. You can’t just charm your way out of this,” she said. “You can’t just say ‘I’m sorry’ to me right now. This is so - so far beyond that.”
Sirius adverted his eyes to the ground, unable to look at her as she started speaking. It was too much to hear her going off like this, yet he knew he deserved every word of it.
“You don’t think I understand what it’s like to be worried about losing someone? To be worried about losing you?”
He wanted to hit his head against the wall, of course he knew she understood – but there was so much more to it than simple worry. It went so much deeper than that…
“This is our job. I risk losing you every day. We risk our lives every single day. Now is the time to worry about these risks? Now is the time to adjust years and years of habit and work and partnership?”
“It’s not the fucking same with this,” he said angrily, frustrated because he didn’t want to think about any of this anymore. Though he knew it couldn’t happen, he wanted this conversation to just end – for something, anything, to interrupt and allow them to talk about this when they both had a clear head. His thoughts were running a hundred miles an hour – yet somehow every last word Claire said hit him like a ton of bricks.
Sirius started to pace once again, a habit he was starting to wish he could stop – it was like he knew he needed to sit down, but adrenaline wasn’t letting him feel any of it. Normally this happened when they were in some sort of a combat situation, but he felt his blood pumping fast regardless. To be honest, he had never been in a situation where he felt so stuck – he wouldn’t say he was entirely wrong – he knew he should have told her, but he couldn’t risk her life or Juliette’s…
Suddenly Claire was speaking again after only a few seconds silence between his last words and her next…
“Do you really think I’m in any more danger now that I know?” she asked, genuinely questioning his thought process with that. “I live in one of the most well-protected homes in the country. I work in one of the well-protected buildings in the country. And honestly, I am one of the most well-protected and capable people in the country.”
Just as he was about to open his mouth, she made it a point to remind him that they were already aware Blackwell wanted to kill her – so what made this any different? They hadn’t gotten to her yet and if Blackwell had wanted to they would have.
Sirius ran a hand through his hair, feeling like pulling his hair out might be better than coping with all of this right now. He had been worried sick, day after day, for months now – trying to figure out anything he could on his own, to keep her safe when he finally told her – and this was how they had to discuss everything, in a fight.
“Claire, these letters are more than a fucking game. These threats aren’t something to fuck around with. Claire, he’s been inside the Ministry – and recently.” he said, thinking back over every single letter he had gotten – and every single one he wrote back. Yes, he had played the game. The first time he hadn’t – but the first time there was only one letter. A warning to back off, or he would regret it for the rest of his life. The handwriting had been the same then – but the letter hadn’t been signed.
For a moment, he started to feel the guilt and pain all over again. It was because of his investigation of the Nex his family had been brutally murdered while he watched, unable to move. Nearly a month prior, he had received a threat letter with no signature. The first time he got photographs of Claire and Juliette he had recognized the handwriting of the accompanying letter immediately – and this time he had a signature.
“There is no reason for him to have left me alone for this long, Sirius, except to fuck with you. He’s trying to mess with your head. You can’t let him get to you like this – you need to think like an auror. You can’t give in to the fear he’s trying to create.”
After pacing literally all around the living room and back again he was finally starting to feel the pain again, the numb feeling from the adrenaline couldn’t keep him moving. He stopped by the couch and leaned on the back of it for support, his knuckles white, fingers clenched into the pillows from stress? Pain? Frustration? Fear? Anger? Probably all of the above…
“You don’t think I didn’t consider that?” he said defensively. To be honest it was the first and last thing he kept thinking about the situation. He had even dug the other letter out of a dusty old file bin in a back office with all the other old and unsolved cases just to verify it was the same writing. “He threatened you and Juliette – never me. He already tried to go after Juliette once when I wasn’t there, what’s to say he won’t do it again? Or go after you the next time he’s in the Ministry?
“You could be right – and I hate to say this, but I don’t think this is one of those times. I really wish it was. I wish I were losing it here, overreacting. I just have this feeling that I’m not and it hasn’t gone away in months…”
He knew how paranoid he sounded. He knew how insane it was to try and use this defense – but these thoughts have been eating away at him for months. The endless internal battle on whether or not he should risk telling Claire or keep working this by himself for the time being. Eventually he had known he would have to tell her, but he had wanted to actually tell her, not have her find out like this…
“You lied to me. You kept something from me for a long time. You are my best friend. Boyfriend. Partner. That means you don’t lie. I certainly don’t lie to you, Sirius.”
As if he didn’t feel like enough of an asshole already, she went for the final low blow – she always knew exactly what to say to get her point across – and make sure he knew exactly where he went wrong. Sirius sat on the arm of the couch, his head in his hands. “I fucking know, Claire.” he said, trying not to raise his voice. “I know I fucked up. I know I should have said something sooner. I know I acted on fear, not rationality. I fucking know, okay?”
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