how much can really happen in twenty years?

[Theodore Remus Lupin]

So far, the whole time he had been back in England, the entire thing felt sort of like an unreal, nostalgic trip that was never ending. From the very first afternoon he had visited Hagrid to accept the job at Hogwarts, to now, when he sat the Three Broomsticks, awaiting lunch with Claire – who had agreed that they should get together, try to catch up, and try to pick up where they left off – it all just seemed too entirely dreamlike. He had thought about what it would be like to come home on and off – but it was one thing to think it, and another entirely to experience it.

For the most part, things had been going relatively well. Eventually he saw Harry and Ginny, who had been surprised and a bit relieved to see him it seemed, they had him over for dinner multiple times since then – he told them of his travels, about his sons and they filled him in on things that he had missed. They never asked why he hadn’t come home sooner, and he never told them – and he had avoided the question with each and every family member and friend that he had seen so far.

By now he had seen quite a few old friends and family members who he hadn’t heard from in years – people he had tried to make himself forget, because almost every one of them stopped writing him, before he stopped writing to them. Surprisingly, many people were shocked, but most were happy to see him, able to pick up and carry on as they once had in much the same way it had been with Harry and Ginny.

So far, there were only two people he knew he had really hurt with leaving things the way he did – Victorie, of course, whom he still couldn’t bring himself to go talk to; and Claire, who had been the first person he saw upon returning home. She had actually sought him out – or hunted him down, however you prefer to look at it – once she realized he was back in the country, working at Hogwarts of all places. That evening had been a bit intense between the two of them – her very heated and him, trying desperately to diffuse the situation with playful comments, pushing away from the “why didn’t you come back?” question again and again until she finally dropped it.

Ted looked down at his watch, he was definitely more than early – Claire had said twelve thirty – so he expected her at least fifteen minutes early, because she is oddly organized and punctual – something he could not relate to in the least. For once, he was the one that was early, it was barely noon now – but it was a Friday and he only had one class of sixth years on that day in the evenings – he would be taking them through the forest and identifying different creatures.

He sat back in the booth he had found for them near the back of the old pub – dressed in a simple pair of jeans and a black long-sleeved, collared shirt, with a long black cloak over-top and a pair of heavy work boots. For today, his hair was a little longer than it had been before, but still standing up in multiple directions, a very dark brown with hints of royal blue throughout – his features looked younger than he truly was by ten to fifteen years, which was how he made himself look most of the time – with rotating hair colors of course – but this is more or less his standard look these days.

Just sitting back in this pub was surreal – some things just didn’t seem to change, no matter how much time has passed. It had been over twenty years, yet sitting here, he almost felt like a teenager again – as he suddenly noticed himself twirling his wand in his fingers, as he often did when he was lost in thought, a habit that formed early on while he was in school. Someone dropped off a butterbeer at the table – he had almost forgotten he ordered it on the way to finding the table – he took a sip, then set the mug down and looked around the crowded pub, watching the world around him as he waited for Claire to arrive.

[Claire Pierce]

Claire's relationship with Teddy was complicated at the moment. Or rather, it had been complicated for a long time, even when he was absent; when he had disappeared into who-knows-where, she had been angry and disappointed and confused. And she had missed him for all those years. Some combination of how much she missed him and how angry she was with him, all those years ago, had almost driven her to use her considerable skill and resources to track him down. In retrospect, she had surprised she hadn't actually done it; she would have found him eventually. He could have hidden as best as he could, but it would have been inevitable that one day she would have found him and shown up to give him hell. Or perhaps she would have just liked to know where he was, and know he was fine, and know if he was happy. But she hadn't done it, partially because she was so angry that she didn't even want to devote the time and effort to someone who clearly wanted nothing more to do with her and with the rest of them. She had written, tried, and cared even after he cut off communication.

Of course, things became more complicated when Teddy had reappeared and returned, somewhat reluctantly and forced, to their lives. Claire had discovered he was teaching at the school and had certainly given him that hell she had plotted years before, and more. He hadn't even notified them that he was back. She had basically screamed and shouted at him that first day and then stormed away back to work, where she stewed for the rest of the day. She didn't even tell Sirius right away, despite the impulse to do so. There was a part of her that wanted him to join her in making it known to Teddy that he had left them, but she also didn't want to bring this pain back to him just yet. It had been really difficult for all of them to accept that he had left and they had no communication with him and that he wasn't coming back. Instead, she had returned the next day and yelled some more, but she had also let him give her a hug and made herself to talk more calmly. It was progress, and then she came back the following day with Sirius, and forced Teddy to go see Harry and Ginny. She was still quite angry and had yet to forgive him, but she was still determined to not let him slip away again. He would apologize and stay and return to their lives, if only through her own force of will over him despite the complicated feelings she was still dealing with.

At this point, Claire had watched from the sidelines with possibly mean satisfaction as he went to visit people and make amends, all while she didn't allow him to completely make amends with her yet. He was fine with Sirius, of course, but Claire was stubborn and bitter and, yes, hanging on to this because she really couldn't stop. Even if she didn't act like it, though, she was trying. She wanted him back in her life and wanted their friendship back; normalcy would come one day, and probably pretty soon. So she was still seeing him, even when it was with reservation and pursed lips and sharp eyes over shared dinners at the homes of various Potters or the moments where she dropped by his office when she was at the school. He had probably seen her more than he had seen anyone else, as she seemed to be tracking him in a way, as if ensuring that he was reentering their lives and making sure he wasn't running off again. Teddy had convinced Claire to get lunch with him in the village, as a way of catching up and becoming friends again. She wanted that, as much as her bitterness and lack of complete forgiveness still slipped in to her interactions with him.

On that Friday, a fairly ordinary day at work, she left for lunch at noon to head to the village. As Claire stood there in the shadow of the school that she loved so much and in the center of the village that held so many memories for her, she took a moment to look around her. It had been a while since she had been here; she was so busy with work and the insanity of her life then that it had been a long time since her visits for dinner with Sirius or lunch with one of the nieces or nephews - Sirius's really, but somehow they had become hers too over the years - who attended the school. It was a bit strange now to be back to have lunch with Teddy of all people; it had been years since her last day here with him. But then she headed inside The Three Broomsticks, spotting him in a booth near the back. He was early, even earlier than she was, the perpetually early one - it wasn't even twelve fifteen yet.

Claire had a flash of intense deju vu then, seeing him in this place with the casual kind of clothes he'd been wearing his whole life and that dark hair with the ridiculous blue in it. Teddy had developed a habit of always made himself look younger, which she sort of hated because it made her feel like he'd never been gone, like it was nearly twenty years ago. Plus, he didn't show the weight of the years since then like she did; then again, that irritated voice pointed out, he hadn't been here to experience all of that with them, but she dismissed that and approached the booth. The differences were more than how young he still looked; she wore her professional work clothes, a grey shirt and black pants and black leather shoes, along the tight ponytail and dark circles under her eyes, the product of months and years of little sleep. She was tightly wound from the recent weeks at work and the consternation she felt about being with Ted these days. In comparison, he was relaxed, except for the nerves that she could tell he still had around her; she didn't mind them, and hadn't made a move to completely dissuade them just yet. "Well, I don't want to punch you today," Claire said in greeting, a sarcastic cheerfulness to her voice that masked how she was still happy to see him even as she got used to having him back. She dropped into the seat across from him and allowed a small smile as she looked not at him but down at the menu waiting for her. It was small things now, and he could choose to be happy to get those or nothing at all.

[Theodore Remus Lupin]

Since he returned to England, Claire was probably the one person he saw more than anyone else – it was only due to her insistence (and persistent nagging him until he finally gave in) that he had even made it around to see as many people as he had so far. After the first time she found him in his office she had come back a few days in a row – and then a couple of times a week – as though reassuring herself that he wouldn’t just disappear again, all the while ensuring that he didn’t, by forcing him to come face to face with the friends and family he had left behind.

It was entirely too weird for him to be back here – he had honestly never thought in a million years he would have a reason to come back; and least not one that would keep him here. In all honesty, he didn’t even know why he had decided to take the job at the school, other than the fact that Hagrid had personally extended the offer to him before allowing the school to appoint someone themselves. It was a chance to see his boys more – but they were teenagers and only had so much interest in hanging out with him – something about the timing just seemed right. He couldn’t stay away forever, could he?

As he sipped the mug of butterbeer when someone brought it to the table, he took a look around the room, simply taking in how much had changed and how little had all at once. It was an amazing thing to him, time – over time things and people change – but he never could have imagined how much he would miss while he was gone. Almost everyone he knew had now experienced some sort of devastating loss, whether it be a friend, family member or spouse – and he hadn’t been around for any of it. In a way, he was grateful, he was horrible at knowing what to say to people in times like that – but he occasionally wondered how entirely different his life could have gone if he had just come home sooner.

There were a lot of feelings that had gone into his decision to continue to live a nomadic life for over twenty years – most of them pertaining to Victorie – but a few he still wasn’t sure where they were coming from. Somehow, he had always felt like some sort of burden dropped on Harry and Ginny and the rest of the Potters and Weasley’s – even though he knew for a fact they never felt that way. Once he finished school he had no idea what to do with himself – his only real expertise was with magical creatures and there were sparingly few jobs at the ministry for people like him at the time – and he didn’t really want to work for the ministry anyway.

So his solution was to travel for a few years, study the creatures of the world up close, become an expert – and charge people for that expertise such as healing injured creatures, taking care of abandoned infant creatures, relocating the ones that wander into muggle territory and anything of the sort. After a few years, most of the family started to get busy with their lives he supposed, because letters became less and less frequent – though now he found himself wondering if perhaps some weren’t getting to him because he traveled so quickly from one country to the next.

Once Victorie had told him she had moved on, that she was having a baby and marrying another man, he had made the somewhat rash decision to just stop bothering to write home. If they wanted to hear from him, they would write to him, right? To his disappointment, when he stopped writing home, the letters from home stopped coming in all together. So he moved on – tried to create an entirely new life, but never committing to a home or anyone but his sons.

Yet now he found himself in what felt like he stepped through a time warp, back at Hogwarts, speaking to so many of the people he hadn’t thought he would ever see again. Everyone was the same in ways – yet they were all different at the same time. Everyone was older, and the years showed on all but him – to be honest, he hadn’t seen his true appearance in years. Sometimes when he got stressed it would force some of the grey to seep into his hair, perhaps make the winkles at the corner of his eyes a bit more defined – but he had no idea what the wear of time actually looked like on him and he wondered occasionally, if that was a bad thing.

Another look around and a smile formed on his face as Claire entered the pub – earlier than he had expected. As she approached the table it was another moment of taking things in – when he had last seen her, before taking off to travel the world for two decades, she had still been in school. It was so weird to see everyone in their adult lives, when the last he had seen any of them they were all just kids. Now he was teaching most of their children, while he tried to regain the friendship he once had with as many people as he could – which was easier said than done after so many years.

"Well, I don't want to punch you today," she said to him and Teddy only grinned broader. ”Then I’d say were off to a good start then, aren’t we?” She sat across from him and hadn’t looked at him for more than a second before picking up the menu on the table. ”Now, I know you probably have that memorized, since it hasn’t hardly changed since we went to school – and you can remember anything.” Teddy took a sip from his mug and set it down, his blues attempting to meet her gaze – he knew this was still difficult for her – but he wasn’t going to give up.

This friendship had meant too much to him and he hadn’t realized how much it had hurt her when he stopped writing home. He had never stopped to consider anyone’s feelings on the situation – all he knew was he couldn’t come back here and have to face Victorie being married to someone else. They had been engaged and he had never strayed from that until she did – to him coming home just meant having to live every day with a reminder of what he lost. Now that he was back however, he was starting to realize that he had hurt far more than just Victorie and himself in that decision – and he desperately wanted to make up for that if he could.

[Claire Pierce]

Teddy smiled when he spotted Claire, and despite herself, she felt comforted by that. Seeing his easy, wide smile again after all these years was jarring, but it still held all the charm of their younger lives. It was a smile she had seen so often while they were growing up, together in spite of the age difference. Their close friendship had been something she valued so much, but the remembrance of it had become complicated in the years since. It was undeniable, though; she had missed him. The challenge was getting themselves back to that friendship they had shared. However, it was also undeniable that a lot had happened in the intervening years. Claire wasn't the same person she had been back then, and she doubted he was exactly the same person either. But she had grown up, and been forced to grow up even more; she had seen and done and lived through a lot of things that he had not, and those things had left her a different person. Sometimes it was difficult to even recall that relatively carefree and spirited girl she had been - she seemed so far away, along with all the mischief and jokes and time free from stress. Seeing him again, looking like he had only been gone a few years and had returned to school, made the deja vu very strange.

The comment about punching him was somewhere between a joke and serious. Claire seemed to teeter on the edge of that quite often, and dealing with Teddy recently had increasingly left her on that line. It only made him grin widely, of course, and she rolled her eyes as he said, ”Then I’d say were off to a good start then, aren’t we?” Flipping the menu over and studying the drinks list she had memorized and, unsurprisingly, would not be ordering from, she said, "Of course, I wouldn't say it's out of the realm of possibility." A few weeks ago, she would have said something meaner and more angry, but now she was able to say something lighter. She really was trying, after all. "Be careful, now," she added, that cheerful sarcasm returning instead of actual caution.

Teddy wasn't above making his own points, though, as he kept his eyes on her. ”Now, I know you probably have that memorized, since it hasn’t hardly changed since we went to school – and you can remember anything,” he said, and Claire almost rolled her eyes again. "Ah, but perhaps things have changed in these many years, Theodore. Menus, my memory..." she replied, trailing off, but it was without any real heat to it. Claire knew already that she would be using this as sarcasm and joke ammunition for a long, long time. He would just have to get used to it. "I haven't been here in ages. Things have been too crazy. The menu could have changed, you know," she mused out loud, although she wasn't even bothering to make that argument. She had the menu memorized, and had ever since she was thirteen. The handful of additions or changes over the years were rare and also never forgotten. For no real reason, she pointed to an item in the lunch section, and added, primly, "I believe this sandwich was added after you left."

She was talking, because that's what she still did: she talked. Nobody ranted or rambled or went on tangents like she did, and she would fill the air with words no matter her mood. Claire had something to say about anything, after all. Now she was also just filling this space between them, trying to bridge the gap in some way even as she still hadn't forgiven him and fully embraced him. But he was back and he wasn't going to get rid of her, whether she was accepting or angry or something in between. Still, she had to ease up eventually, and it was coming and going, now and at the recent family dinners when she relaxed enough and in moments during her office drop-bys.

"Hey," she said, a real greeting at last. With it, she finally looked up and met his eyes to accompany the more conciliatory tone. "How are you?" She allowed a faint smile, more genuine than the earlier sarcasm in her voice. "Making progress in your required apologies and family time, I hope. Teaching the children. Grading papers. Enjoying Hogwarts again." A bit of wistfulness crept in at the end; being in the village or at her beloved school always had that effect on her.

[Theodore Remus Lupin]

The strange feeling of being back home was somewhere between a dream, nostalgia and reality – as though his memories, the thoughts and questions he had in the back of his head for years and real life were all merging as one. Some things never seemed to change – and even though Claire – and everyone else for that matter – had clearly changed over the years, some things remained constant. Claire was still very reserved when it came to people she was unhappy with and right now, Ted was sure he was somewhere near the top of that list – but he was determined to find his way off of it and back onto her good side.

After all, he wasn’t leaving again and he wanted to have at least some of his old friendships back, to make it feel worth being back home. For years he had avoided England for the most part – dropping in for only a day or two here and there over the years, mostly when he needed to file paperwork with the Ministry regarding certain creatures and discoveries – but never staying to see anyone, figuring if they had wanted to have him around they would write. It was only over the last few months of being back that he had learned that some of the letters simply never got to him – some were even brought back by their owls when the owl was unable to locate him.

When she sat down across from him, after he had suggested that they were off to a good start – or at least compared to their first few encounters it certainly was – she joked with him a little, her sarcasm never failing. He couldn’t help but keep the smile on his face, it was good to see that even through all of the hell she had endured over the years (only bits and pieces he knew of, and mostly in passing comments from family members and friends) that she had at least kept her personality – even if it was a little colder than it had once been.

He teased her about the menu – trying to get her attention on talking today, rather than cold-shouldering him as she drug him off to the home or office of another person who had had left behind. "Ah, but perhaps things have changed in these many years, Theodore. Menus, my memory..." she said to him and he rolled his eyes. Even though he hadn’t been here in years, he could still count on both hands the few menu items that had actually been added and removed over the years – the little pub was one of those things that had remained relatively unchanged in his absence.

"I haven't been here in ages. Things have been too crazy. The menu could have changed, you know," she mused aloud and he rolled his eyes as he picked up his mug of butterbeer and took a sip. ”I highly doubt it,” he thought aloud as she continued to flip the menu over, looking at it as though trying to find something – and then she did. In the way that only Claire could, she found something and pointed it out to him – "I believe this sandwich was added after you left."

Another sip of his drink and he set down the mug once more and leaned across the table to see what she was pointing out – his looks may not show his age, but occasionally it was given away, like as he squinted to see the text from a distance – then he nodded. ”Oh, yes. Actually, I had that one for lunch last Friday. I wouldn’t recommend it though, personally.” he said with a grin, leaning back into his seat once more.

It was nice to have her at least somewhat back to herself around him – he didn’t want to keep feeling the anger everyone had towards him. Some people showed it, while others held it back in exchange for relief from simply hearing from him after all these years – but Claire held on to it and had refused so far to let him forget what a big mistake he had really made. Even this odd, somewhat playful, back and forth between them was a nice change of pace, a step towards normalcy again.

"Hey," she finally said to him, looking away from the menu and up at him for the first time since she had sat down. "How are you?" she asked him, a clear change in her tone – it was more genuine now – hardly a sign of her earlier sarcasm. She continued, "Making progress in your required apologies and family time, I hope. Teaching the children. Grading papers. Enjoying Hogwarts again." A small grin formed on his face, and sat up a little straighter in his seat, leaned forward, resting his arms on the table.

”I’ve been good for the most part,” he said. ”I guess you could call it progress – I’ve been to see a few people in the last week… Trying to teach stubborn kids is a losing battle I’ve come to learn – and I don’t assign papers. I can barely get through grading tests. I think experience is much more valuable than text book learning. As for enjoying the school, it’s amazing how little it’s changed – it’s kind of crazy really – but yes, I’ve definitely been enjoying it.” There was definitely a pleased sound to his tone - they were finally talking again - and just maybe Claire was finally starting to come around from her anger toward him.

[Claire Pierce]

He rolled his eyes at her sarcasm, resulting in another wave of deja vu. This was all so familiar yet so long ago that Claire felt seventeen again, felt like a student again, felt like nothing was wrong with them or with her or with anything else. Claire felt like they were friends again for a second. They certainly weren't at that point yet, leaving them in some strange in between place. This friendship limbo was relatively self-imposed on her part, but she couldn't just skip it; she was not prone to forgiveness, and nobody would call her a particularly kind person. She did have an unusual way of loving people and expressing it, as Teddy was probably being reminded of now.

"I highly doubt it," he countered immediately. "Oh, yes. Actually, I had that one for lunch last Friday. I wouldn’t recommend it though, personally," he amended, leaning forward to see what she was pointing out to him. She noted the way he squinted at it, adding it to the list of changes. And perhaps to the list of things she had to do: make him get glasses. "I didn't say it was good," she said first, loftily and refraining from rolling her eyes again. "Only saying it's fairly new." He was grinning again, leaning back and looking at ease, or as much as he could in her presence just then. When he got comfortable again, she said, a little quirk to her lips, "Need some glasses, Theodore?" She had realized in one of their tense conversations just how much older they were now, something was both disconcerting and ripe for Claire's jokes; after all, they did have that age gap, and she was several years younger than he was.

It was weird, she realized now, that she was able to be like this with him right now. It wasn't only because she hadn't forgiven him yet and still carried a lot of resentment and hurt feelings along with her to these visits and meals with Teddy. It was also that Claire was so rarely like this anymore. She rarely joked at work anymore, becoming extremely serious and somewhat emotionless at work over the last several years, and was more subdued around the family. With Sirius, things were so stressful and dark in their lives that it was hard to find the comfort or chance to act like this. Her sarcasm was still present, but far more biting and cynical, often crossing over into mean, especially at work, and she had certainly lost some of her sense of humor. It was as if she had packed away her humor and light sarcasm and fun, and rarely took a look at them anymore. Seeing Teddy seemed to be knocking a bit of it back out, if only because she felt so strangely out of place, out of time, with him. Plus, she didn't know how to be herself, this Claire nearly twenty years later, with him. He didn't know anything, didn't know what she'd gone through and how she had changed and much of what she was dealing with now.

After finally placing her lunch order, she returned to the present and listened to him actually answer her questions. He was smiling and leaning forward a bit, engaging and easy going, as he said, "I’ve been good for the most part. I guess you could call it progress – I’ve been to see a few people in the last week…" Claire nodded in acknowledging, continuing in her self-adopted role as what seemed to be his sponsor, but for apologies and returning to the life of their family. Coaching him. Forcing him. Whatever you want to call it. "Lily is having a family dinner this weekend," she said, a kind of offering and requirement in one. "We'd like it if you came." Another potentially awkward opportunity for him, to sit there with Claire and Sirius and his siblings, the family Teddy had grown up with, but Claire was going to continue to push him to really return to them. She wouldn't accept distance or a severed relationship anymore; she had had enough of that for nearly two decades.

As he explained his teaching experience thus far, Claire had to fight a smile when she replied, "You know that you do have to give them a grade, right? And prepare them for their exams?" Another offering, though, as she continued, "But I agree with you about experience. I have definitely learned that hands-on experience is really important." Between her own education and training and her years of involvement with the auror training program as an instructor and now head of the program, she certainly knew quite a bit about that. When he spoke about the school, she finally did actually smile then, although unconsciously. It was an involuntary response; she just loved their old school so much. She handled the security for the school, as well as making reasons to see people and family she knew there, so she returned often enough. It was just a really special place. Now she was visiting pretty often, between her visits about school security as new worries appeared and the need for an increase in security came up again and again, and her visits to see Teddy, for all that entailed. Of course, he sounded quite happy about that as he talked now. Despite the hard treatment she had been giving him, he had been taking it rather well, letting her yell at him and force him to deal with people and continue to be distant and difficult with him. He knew it would be a slow process, she supposed. She would be more grateful for his patience, determination, and commitment to bringing back their friendship, if only she wasn't so mad at him still for disappearing in the first place.

Claire stared down at the table for a long moment, quiet and thinking. Finally, she said, with forced nonchalance, "Did you know part of the way I figured out you were back was because I found your sons on the school roster while I was doing security work?" For some reason, she couldn't meet his eyes anymore. Maybe because she wasn't joking with him now. This was more serious, and new territory for them. She actually hadn't discussed them with Teddy very much. He had been reluctant to discuss his personal life while away, and she hadn't been calm enough to ask. There had been snippets revealed in a couple of conversations between them or with people like Harry and Ginny or Albus while Claire coolly observed, arms crossed from her seat next to Sirius. Now, though, she still didn't speak outright and ask to hear about them, or his new family, or.... the other things they hadn't been talking about yet. But maybe she was closer to being able to talk about them, even if she couldn't get herself to ask directly. Her question had a number of questions weighing on it, ones that he could probably sense even as she didn't want to admit she was curious and closer to being able to talk like friends again.

[Theodore Remus Lupin]

Since being back around the school Teddy had been trying to make a mental list of all the things that had changed – but he realized quickly that while very few things had changed for him (he was older, he had two teenage sons and he had years-worth of experience in handling and healing magical creatures, but aside from that he was still himself), that far more had changed in the lives of the people he left behind.

Seeing Claire as often as he did, he still hadn’t managed to put her into even close to the joking and playful way she had once been – no matter how much he had prodded. Mostly he was expecting this simply because he knew how furious she was with him – and how strongly she felt about things, especially things she was upset about; but it seemed that everything she and Sirius and everyone had gone through had left them all a bit colder, a bit more on edge.

After he told her that he wouldn’t recommend the particular sandwich she had managed to find to taunt him with, Claire said simply, "I didn't say it was good…..Only saying it's fairly new." To this, Teddy gave her a look of mock disappointment. ”You could have saved me from that and you didn’t even think to mention it? Thanks a lot.” Through the entire statement he kept his mock-hurt look, though it quickly shifted back to his grin.

This was better – she was finally starting to relax around him a little, and perhaps relaxing for the first time in ages from the looks of it. He knew that she and Sirius had a lot on their plates heading the auror department – but the toll it seemed to be taking on them had made him wonder lately what was going on that the rest of the world seemed unaware of – and that none of them were willing to talk about.

When he got comfortable again, she said, a little quirk to her lips, "Need some glasses, Theodore?" At this his grin faltered, a little caught off guard – of course it was Claire so she would notice something even as subtle as him squinting to see the menu. He simply brushed that one off, ”I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Truth be told, his ex-girlfriend had said something to him about it when he had been reading the paper while waiting for his boys to be ready to go at the start of the summer, but he had disregarded it when she mentioned it as well. It was just one of those things he didn’t want to admit about getting older – he could hide it only so far and he knew that, but it didn’t mean he wouldn’t try.

Soon enough a waitress came back and took their lunch orders, Teddy ordered another butterbeer along with his food and picked his current drink up again to finish it off just before Claire spoke again. "Lily is having a family dinner this weekend," she said, a kind of offering and requirement in one. "We'd like it if you came." This, Ted knew, was not so much an invitation but something she had already decided he needed to attend.

Yet somehow he kept finding himself agreeing to these things for her, even though it continuously put him in situations where he had to make apologies, hear how he had worried people and then try and avoid the question of why he never came home – he wasn’t going to answer that until he could tell Victorie first. After all, it was first and foremost between them and she deserved to be the first to hear it; when he could finally bring himself to see her that is.

”Wonderful,” he said, only half as enthusiastic has he had hoped it would sound, but he still smiled none the less. ”Saturday or Sunday?” he asked. ”Saturday morning I’m going to be in Ireland, but I should be back by three or four.” Even though he had taken the job at Hogwarts, he had definitely made a career for himself out of working with locals around the world to help control their magical creature populations, heal injured creatures and relocating them when needed; and just because he had taken the job at Hogwarts didn’t mean he wasn’t still traveling on occasion to help out some of the people who had relied on him over the years.

He hadn’t really mentioned this to anyone, fearing they would assume he wasn’t planning on sticking around as long as he made it seem. On the contrary, he had made every effort to try and put down roots for the first time in his life when he took this job – hell he had even bought a house. Now his travels would be fewer and farther between and for shorter lengths of time, when he was able to – but something about coming back had felt like the thing to do and so far, he wasn’t regretting it. In fact, he hadn’t realized he missed everyone as much as he did until he came face to face with them again.

Teddy was brought back to the present conversation and he caught sight of Claire, trying to hold back a smile when he mentioned his frustrations with teaching teenagers. "You know that you do have to give them a grade, right? And prepare them for their exams?" Another offering, though, as she continued, "But I agree with you about experience. I have definitely learned that hands-on experience is really important." To this he nodded, ”I grade tests. That’s plenty. The rest is performance based – and I get to come up with the exam around the schools expectations… So I’m already thinking creative with this, in order to not be stuck grading papers the first two weeks of summer.”

It was true – his teaching style may not be very conventional – however it clearly had it’s advantages, he could see it in the students – none of them were interested in reading a text book; but actually coming face to face with creatures they could have only ever imagined was something else entirely. ”Actually, though,” he thought aloud, ”It’s pretty amazing, I’ve managed to convince the school to let me bring in some pretty awesome creatures for the different classes.”

Soon after he made his mention about bringing in creatures for all of his students, the conversation took a turn he hadn’t expected. "Did you know part of the way I figured out you were back was because I found your sons on the school roster while I was doing security work?" Claire went from finally appearing to be at least somewhat relaxed and joking with him, even smiling (or trying not to at least) to looking away from him again as she spoke.

This was the first time she had even remotely mentioned something that was beyond his day-to-day life now that he was back – he was sure it was anger and frustration that kept her from mentioning it before; but now, with this simple question, that wasn’t directly looking for anything in particular, she had still managed to open the door to hundreds of other things that they needed to talk about eventually.

However – there were things he wanted to know about as well; things Claire and Sirius had clearly been keeping to themselves. He could tell every time he was around them that there was more to everything going on than meets the eye; Teddy just didn’t know what it was. So in hopes that his giving in to her curiosity about his own life would lead Claire to open up a bit about what was going on, he decided he wouldn’t try to avoid the question outright – he wouldn’t try and change the subject – at least not until it got to Victorie, then, he refused to go into it.

At least she had decided to ask him about the easiest thing for him to talk about – his boys. At the first mention, he had even smiled a little – and gripped the empty mug in his hands a little tighter because it was so unexpected. ”No, I didn’t… I’m honestly surprised no one saw their names and questioned it sooner… My older sons first two years, I entirely expected someone to come trying to hunt me down after seeing their names… I guess because they’re so laid back, and they don’t seem to like to draw attention to themselves –  no one ever noticed.”

It was the first time he had talked to Claire about anything relating to the time he had been away - aside from finding out that some of the letters written to him had come back over the years, explaining why he never got them. Actually, in all the time he had been spending with family and friends since he had been back, he had been relatively good about keeping the conversation about the present; not his past - and he had never once spoken of how he had expected to hear from someone when his boys started school. Teddy had no idea what more she would ask, and it made him wonder just how much he was going to be willing to answer.

[Claire Pierce]

Teddy met her mention of the dinner at Lily's with the usual lack of full enthusiasm, but it still bothered her this time; it was a genuine offer, a kind of peace offering instead of only being an uncomfortable requirement on Claire's part. In her own way, she wanted to welcome him back. "Wonderful," he said, sounding like he could barely muster the enthusiasm, as he asked which day it was. "Saturday night," Claire said, not bothering to ask about Ireland. However, she did say, an inch away from snapping it, "But it's fine, you don't have to come." She understood why he wasn't so enthusiastic; she had been pushing him to apologize and see people, situations that were awkward and probably very difficult for him. But the reality was that she did want to see him there. Even as she watched him with wary or sharp eyes over the past few weeks, she certainly was not sad to see him there with them now. "We just want you there, Teddy. It isn't all about me making you atone for your sins," she added, some exasperation in her voice. She knew she wasn't doing a great job making him know that she was happy to have him back - that they all were - and that she wanted him back in her life, but it was hard to keep herself from snapping at him, from expressing her frustration and disappointment instead of her relief, from keeping things close to her chest still.

A small smile crept back onto her face as he explained what he was doing with his classes. Maybe education was a neutral enough subject for them just then. He finished, "I’ve managed to convince the school to let me bring in some pretty awesome creatures for the different classes," and she replied, "You'll have to tell me what you're showing them. I imagine your class is really fun." She was tempted to drop by one day, partially to observe him from the side with a smirk on her face but also to see him in his element, something she had never seen. Another thing they didn't really know about each other now.

However, Teddy looked taken aback when Claire mentioned his sons, which she noticed when she looked up for half a second. She was looking at her hands again when he was quiet for a moment before talking. He responded, "No, I didn’t… I’m honestly surprised no one saw their names and questioned it sooner… My older sons first two years, I entirely expected someone to come trying to hunt me down after seeing their names… I guess because they’re so laid back, and they don’t seem to like to draw attention to themselves – no one ever noticed." Pointlessly folding a napkin into halves and smaller halves, she said, "I've handled school security for years now, but it has.... required more work recently, so I've had more documents and spent more time on it. Never needed to look through the rosters, though; one of my aurors did it for me, but it wasn't really important. I heard about a new professor, though, and happened to see their names on the list as well." She shrugged. "Nobody noticed the names. All the younger kids at the school, everyone's children, wouldn't recognize the last name or make the connection," she added of the nieces and nephews at the school now. It was something that could have been said with much bitterness but ended up free of resentment or pointed frustration.

"Trust me, I wish I had noticed earlier," Claire said, quiet. When she continued, it was lighter, a sarcastic joke when it could have been bitter. "Should have had the aurors looking out for your name all these years." She spread the napkin back out as their lunches were placed in front of them. After taking a bite of her meal, she was still looking down at her hands and now her plate when she said, "I... I'd like to hear about them." And she did - she wanted to hear about these boys, listen to Teddy talk about them, know more about his new life. She thought she would also like to meet them, which was probably going to make Teddy uncomfortable, watching these two lives collide, with Claire of all people. Waiting, she looked back up at him. Now she was unconsciously changing tactics and switching her approach, but she was genuinely curious, and truly wanted to talk with him. She just had to get over her walls to do it.

[Theodore Remus Lupin]

After asking what night the dinner at Lily’s was supposed to be – and mentioning that he wouldn’t be home until the afternoon on Saturday – Teddy found himself surprised and feeling a bit like a jerk when Claire answered, telling him it would be Saturday night, then saying, "But it's fine, you don't have to come." That was the first time she had reacted so quickly to tell him that his presence wasn’t going to be a requirement; which had seemed like was the case. "We just want you there, Teddy. It isn't all about me making you atone for your sins," she followed up with and he smiled a little at that.

”Yeah I know, and I will be there – it’s not that I don’t want to be… I guess I just feel sort of out of place around everyone after so long, but I’m hoping that goes away with time.” he admitted. It was still all very complicated for him, he wanted to feel like a part of the family again, but he definitely held some guilt over his long absence and between that, how much he had clearly missed in everyone’s lives and trying to figure out how to blend his previous life into his new one, it was just turning out to be harder than he had realized it was going to be.

Soon he found they were on the topic of his classes and he caught himself wandering off in thought, telling her of how he had managed to bring in creatures for the different classes. At this he actually caught a genuine smile on Claire’s face before she said "You'll have to tell me what you're showing them. I imagine your class is really fun." A grin came across his face as he looked to her and said, ”Maybe you should come see sometime. It’s one thing to hear about the different creatures – but seeing some of them is something else entirely.”

Teddy didn’t think before extending the invitation – when it came to the creatures he had dedicated so much of his life to taking care of and learning about, he was nothing short of excited to share his knowledge with anyone who would listen. In his opinion, actually seeing and interacting with the different species was something that simply discussing them could never compare to – and he had always been quick to show off any creature he could get his hands on.

When he had been in school, Care of Magical Creatures had definitely been his specialty – but there was an entire worlds worth of creatures they never got to see, that he had intentionally searched for during his travels; and now he was able to bring most of them to the school to educate a new generation of people with the same passion he had. Though he had never expected this to be where he ended up, it definitely felt right.

Then the conversation turned towards his sons just as food had been ordered. He explained to her how he had half expected someone to notice his boys name when they started school; she explained that she had been covering the schools security for years – and she hesitated when she mentioned that it had needed additional work this year. She started folding a napkin, over and over, as she spoke; she added that none of the kids would have known of his name, seeing as he had been gone for so many years.

”You do have a point,” he replied, as he looked away from her once again and down at his empty mug. ”Maybe it was wishful thinking – I wasn’t ready to face everyone, but I did miss all of you… I didn’t really realize it until I came back though...” She spoke up again, "Trust me, I wish I had noticed earlier," Claire said, quiet. When she continued, it was lighter, a sarcastic joke when it could have been bitter. "Should have had the aurors looking out for your name all these years." At this he couldn’t help but smile again, still looking down into his empty mug – it was still very odd for him to be talking about all of this finally, but he was glad at the same time; maybe they were starting to move forward in rebuilding this friendship finally. ”I’m a little surprised you didn’t, honestly.”

Their food was finally brought to the table, along with his new mug of butterbeer. Teddy switched out the empty glass for the new one, took a sip and then glanced over at Claire before taking a bite of his food finally. She was looking away from him still – she took a bite of her food and he wondered only for a moment whether or not they would eat in silence now as she said, "I... I'd like to hear about them." At this, Teddy swallowed his bite of food and looked back up to her with a half smile – this was the first time he had really talked to anyone about his boys; he had only mentioned them briefly here and there in conversations with family members and friends over dinners or drinks.

Teddy took a sip of his butterbeer, then looked up, trying to meet her gaze as he spoke with a smile on his face. ”Alexander Remus, Alex – my oldest – is sixteen, almost seventeen and he won’t let me forget it… Andrew Thomas, just turned fifteen over the summer… They’re both in Gryffindor… Alex is a prefect, he’s my quiet one. He reads a lot, he get’s it all from his mother… Andrew is more rambunctious, he plays chaser for Gryffindor and is always the first to wander off when we’re camping.”

It was odd, but surprisingly easy to talk about his sons with Claire – the hard part was going to be when the time came to start introducing everyone to his boys; he had never really spoken to his boys about his life before traveling, other than a few stories about Hogwarts – his two worlds were trying so hard to come together and he just wasn’t sure he was ready for all of it.

[Claire Pierce]

Maybe one day, their friendship would be completely mended and Teddy would be fully back in their lives. For now, though, it was hard to prevent the edge to her voice from coming back and to keep herself from losing the neutral calm she was working hard to maintain. He smiled a little and then admitted, "Yeah I know, and I will be there – it’s not that I don’t want to be… I guess I just feel sort of out of place around everyone after so long, but I’m hoping that goes away with time." Responding evenly, she pointed out, "The awkwardness won't go away if you stay away again. You have to be there to feel like you are back with us."

There was a real grin then when he said, "Maybe you should come see sometime. It’s one thing to hear about the different creatures – but seeing some of them is something else entirely." She couldn't help but keep smiling then. Neutral topic, and a kind offer that she actually appreciated. "That would be nice," she replied, a bit of gratitude there in her voice; the mending of this relationship was done on two ends, after all. She could kind of imagine him as a teacher, bringing in creatures and encouraging his students to interact with them, because she had grown up with him and watched him enjoy the very class he now taught. He'd dragged her to see creatures they weren't supposed to look for or to bother the more common creatures, and they had curiously stared at them from a distance that had probably been unsafe. But she knew now that he had been working with creatures around the world all these years, giving him far more experience than their standard class and their basic experiences with more common creatures as kids. "Maybe I'll stop by after my next security meeting and check-in. I'll come stand on the side and provide running commentary." Claire wasn't exactly smirking, but it was close enough.

When Claire brought up his sons, though, his whole attitude quieted, just like hers did too. "You do have a point," he said. "Maybe it was wishful thinking – I wasn’t ready to face everyone, but I did miss all of you… I didn’t really realize it until I came back though..." "We missed you," she said evenly, hiding the statement that came to mind first: I missed you. Claire had been trying really hard to keep things from becoming too personal, too much about her, because it was hard for her and she also did not want to make it all about her. He said he was surprised that she hadn't tasked the aurors with tracking his name for any updates, and her mouth twisted into something sad and wistful. "I considered it. Well, I considered more than that. People had to keep me from rushing out and tracking you down. I would have found you if I had really tried. But I got too angry, and I tried to put that anger aside and accept that you weren't coming back. That you didn't want to stay in contact. Or so angry that I didn't want to even bother at that point." She shrugged, her voice a bit detached instead of how angry she might have expected it to sound.

If she had looked back at him, she would have found him smiling and trying to catch her eye again at the mention of his sons, but she didn't allow that. Still, he answered, telling her about his sons. Andrew and Alex, she heard. Gryffindors, of course. Prefect. Chaser. "Can I meet them?" she asked, quiet. At that she finally looked up and met his eyes, her body a bit tense. Asking that question was like another offering from her, as well as some kind of admittance, or as if she was giving something up by saying it. Then, trying to counter the mood she had created herself, she joked, "Otherwise, I'll just track them down at school, which might be a bit too much, even by my standards." But she did want to meet them, to see these boys who she sensed were part of the reason Teddy had returned at all. These boys who had become Teddy's family after he left his first family. Teddy with children; this was all very strange. "I see you're keeping yourself looking younger than a man with a sixteen year old son. Sorry, nearly seventeen," she said finally, smirking a bit.

[Theodore Remus Lupin]

The strangest feeling in the world, Teddy had come to learn, was feeling like a stranger around your own family – and he had been gone for so many years that that’s exactly what he had become. Being around everyone again, the families they had created, left him feeling extremely out of place at times; though he hoped that one day it would feel natural again to walk through the door to family dinners and holidays and even to bring his sons with him eventually.

One of the hardest things about integrating his two separate lives would be introducing his sons to the family that he basically kept them from without reason – they had asked about his family but he was just as reserved with them about talking about the past as he was with anyone else and gave only vague answers over the years.

"The awkwardness won't go away if you stay away again. You have to be there to feel like you are back with us." He knew what she said was true and he nodded, saying, ”And that’s why I’ll be there Saturday night…” Hopefully, it would start to become easier to come around for these things – and maybe even to drop in on people randomly himself, something he hadn’t felt exactly confident in doing since he had been home.

Things felt relatively normal between them for the brief time they spoke about his classes – apparently it was a subject that they could both approach with a level of normalcy. Claire was actually smiling, one of the first genuine smiles he had seen from her in all the time since he had been home – and he was definitely glad to see it. “That would be nice," she replied, a bit of gratitude there in her voice; when Ted invited her to come to see him one time, rather than just hearing about it. "Maybe I'll stop by after my next security meeting and check-in. I'll come stand on the side and provide running commentary."

”You’re welcome anytime,” he told her with a smile. It was the first time he had really made an effort beyond inviting her to lunches and dinners like this one – and he couldn’t think of a better way to introduce her to his new life, than to let her experience some of what he had learned over the years. It was still a long road to mending their friendship – but hopefully small gestures like this one would go a long way over time.

"We missed you,"

Never before had Teddy realized just how much weight was behind those words – for both of them. So much time had passed that after a while, Teddy hadn’t really thought about how long it had been since he had been home, since he had seen or spoken to anyone. On the occasions that he did, he had always found himself thinking about Torie in the end, so he had pushed everything else from his mind as well; he had left behind far more than he had ever realized and only now was that finally becoming a reality to him.

"I considered it. Well, I considered more than that. People had to keep me from rushing out and tracking you down. I would have found you if I had really tried. But I got too angry, and I tried to put that anger aside and accept that you weren't coming back. That you didn't want to stay in contact. Or so angry that I didn't want to even bother at that point." At this, Teddy, who had been trying to keep eye contact through most of their conversation, found himself staring down at his mug again, taking a sip after a minute.

”Sirius told me you were the last one to accept that I wasn’t coming back…” he said, now tapping his fingers on the handle of the glass mug. ”I’m sorry, you know… for just staying gone… After a while, it was just easier…Or at least I thought it would be.” There was a lot of truth to that – he had considered coming home to see other people from time to time, but the simple fact that he would eventually run into Victorie, that he couldn’t ever have held it together seeing her with someone else, that kept him from coming around at all.

When she asked to hear about his sons there was a short pause in the conversation, but eventually he found himself smiling and telling her a little bit about the two teenage boys who were practically his whole world aside from his work with magical creatures. "Can I meet them?" she asked, quiet. Then she finally met his gaze and his smile hadn’t faded yet, though he considered her question for a moment – as he did she spoke again, in an attempt to lighten the conversation a little – it was still a tough subject for them to discuss after all this time.

"Otherwise, I'll just track them down at school, which might be a bit too much, even by my standards." To this he grinned a little wider and said, ”Alex might find it a bit odd, Andrew on the other hand would probably just get nosy and start asking you questions.” He sipped his mug of butterbeer once more and set it aside this time, then said, ”But I do suppose it’s time I got around to introducing them… Maybe dinner one night or something, I don’t know… But no telling them anything terribly embarrassing, okay?”

"I see you're keeping yourself looking younger than a man with a sixteen year old son. Sorry, nearly seventeen," she said finally, smirking a bit. Teddy grinned a little and shrugged at this, ”Most days I look how I feel, anymore. If I’m in a good mood, I certainly don’t feel forty one, so I don’t look it.” Teddy’s appearance had always tended to reflect his mood – though he could change his appearance at will, certain things were always a giveaway to how he was feeling. However, as he had gotten older, he had definitely found that he preferred not to watch himself aging if he didn’t have to – leading him to look like he was still in his late twenties or early thirties most days.

Finally, he took another couple bites of his food – still watching Claire, pondering what it was that was keeping her and Sirius so completely on edge these days. Sometime was going on, and though no one was talking about it, he knew it was bad; the school required additional security, he had seen a story in the Prophet about Albus’ son Ethan being kidnapped, but they never reported on who took him or why, just that a group of aurors – who they never named – had saved him. Teddy knew that if anyone could tell him what was happening, it would be Claire – but would she be willing to tell him?

Hoping that his offering to have her come visit his classes, to finally introduce her to his sons, would be enough to get her to give him a little more insight to what he had missed over the years, and what the hell what was happening now. After a washing down his food with another long sip of his butterbeer, he thought carefully for a moment, then said, ”So, I’ve been wondering a lot lately, how you’ve suddenly managed to come see me multiple times in a week, when before you were always busy, not staying long unless it was a family dinner… Yet, even with your newfound free time, you’re looking even more exhausted than I’ve ever seen you. I guess my point is, to find out if everything is okay… and if it’s not, what’s going on?”

Since he had been home it was increasingly apparent to him that there was something happening, something that no one was talking about. Whether it was news stories that didn’t seem to make much sense, or Claire and Sirius disappearing for days, sometimes weeks at a time doing who knows what, or when she made mentions to things, like additional security for the school, that she never elaborated on – it all led him to wonder what was really going on. Teddy could only hope that since he had opened up, and let her in, that maybe, Claire would be willing to do the same; because he wasn’t going to drop the subject until he could at least sort of make sense of all of it.

[Claire Pierce]

Claire would never tell him this in so many words, but even when she was angry with him she still felt some contentment when he sat down with them for dinner or settled down near her to hang around at someone's house over the last many weeks. It was a slow process, further impeded by the irregularity of being able to see him, thanks to her schedule. ”And that’s why I’ll be there Saturday night…” he replied with a nod. "Good," she said, but it wasn't in a self-satisfied way because he was going along with one of her orders; she really did want him there, even if she had difficulty showing it. "It'll get easier for you to be there," she added, and then admitted, "It'll get easier for me too." She wasn't apologizing, but it was something near an apology. And she would stop by his class sometime soon when she got a chance, and she'd let him make lunch plans with her, and she would allow him to come over.

He sounded more nervous now, saying, “Sirius told me you were the last one to accept that I wasn’t coming back…” Claire sighed a little. "I’m sure it doesn’t surprise you that I was the last to accept it," she acknowledged. "He had to keep me from running off to find you or from freaking out about you leaving. I was angry, but I wasn’t willing to let you go so easily. It took me a while to even accept that you had left willingly. That you had purposely left and stopped communicating with us. I couldn't understand it."

Teddy apologized for how he had stayed away for so long after leaving. "I know you’re sorry," she said, and it was true - she did know that, she’d seen it on his face and heard it in his voice every time she had seen him since he had gotten back and realized what he had done and left behind. Still, that didn’t really make it better for her. It was years overdue, and his apologies to her always carried the reminder that he left and allowed years and years to go by in his wake before returning. "I just wish you could have been sorry earlier." Her napkin discarded, she took to twisting her glass around in circles mindlessly. "After a while, it was just easier…Or at least I thought it would be,” he continued to explain. Her fingers tightened around her glass for a brief moment. "Well, you were wrong," she said, her voice tight now. "It might have been easier for you, but it wasn’t easy for the people you left behind." She couldn't look at him as she said that; anytime she let it slip that he had affected and hurt her, Claire the unflappable and untouchable one, it was surprising, and not something she felt too comfortable with, admitting it to the person who had caused all of this.

Talking about his sons was strange; she still wasn't entirely used to the idea of Teddy as a father. The fact that he still pretty much looked like he had when he left them wasn't helping - it felt like no time had passed in his life, confusing her own sense of time. Sitting here together in this booth in the village in the shadow of their school, she almost felt like she was seventeen again, sneaking out of school on a random day to have lunch with Teddy as she had in the years after he graduated. She supposed she needed to meet these two boys, start to reconcile the idea and get to know them. ”Alex might find it a bit odd, Andrew on the other hand would probably just get nosy and start asking you questions,” Teddy said, and she smiled a little. "Well, perhaps there’s no better way to introduce them to me, your crazy childhood friend." He conceded that it might be time, though, and suggested dinner. "Bring them over to my house for dinner soon," Claire said. "Sirius can cook dinner for us. Did you know he cooks now?" she asked absently.

"But no telling them anything terribly embarrassing, okay?” he added, maybe even actually nervous about it. "I don’t know what you’re talking about," Claire said loftily. "Embarrassing stories? I certainly don’t have any, and if I did I would never dream of telling them!" Her tone made it clear: I make no promises. In fact, she was practically promising to do exactly what he didn’t want her to do. It was almost enough to make her smirk. The amount of stories she had about Teddy, from their childhoods spent together, from teenaged Teddy, from Teddy as a young adult before he left, were probably endless. She’d pushed them far away a long time ago, but there were definitely still there in her head. After all, she forgot nothing.

As she studied his young features again, vaguely irritated and disconcerted by them, he explained, "Most days I look how I feel, anymore. If I’m in a good mood, I certainly don’t feel forty one, so I don’t look it." Before looking away, she commented, "If only we could all do that." Returning then to her lunch, she broke the eye contact again, but she'd been doing a decent job, she thought. She was being perfectly civil. Then, though, Teddy spoke again, careful this time. "So, I’ve been wondering a lot lately, how you’ve suddenly managed to come see me multiple times in a week, when before you were always busy, not staying long unless it was a family dinner… Yet, even with your newfound free time, you’re looking even more exhausted than I’ve ever seen you. I guess my point is, to find out if everything is okay… and if it’s not, what’s going on?"

Claire stilled then, frozen for half a second before she kept eating again. This was dangerous territory; there were things she shouldn't talk about, things she actually couldn't tell him, things she didn't want to talk about with now or anytime soon or maybe ever. There were those things that she rarely spoke about - if she ever did; things that were so heavy and difficult that everyone involved had taken to avoiding the subject. Claire had become a master of the everything-is-fine attitude and passed it onto everyone else. But there were also answers she couldn't give him - things that were top secret, that weren't confirmed, or that were restricted to her department. And she also didn't want to pull him into all of this. It was dangerous and stressful and definitely more sad than if he could be blissfully unaware. Oh, how she wished for that. In between bites, she asked, her voice perfectly normal, "What are you talking about? Things are fine." She easily became evasive, an easy transition; she already spent her time keeping secrets. This was nothing new. "This whole time since you've been back, I've been stopping by after my meetings at school," she explained breezily. Because she knew what she was doing, she was utterly calm and ordinary, peacefully eating another bite and glancing up casually instead of avoiding his eyes. "I always look exhausted, Teddy. I've been an insomniac for twenty five years," she added, continuing to deflect.

[Theodore Remus Lupin]

Claire admitted that things would get easier for both of them – implying that it will simply take more time. More time together again, more time spent around the family, more time after all the years that had made two best friends practically perfect strangers. It was a truth that Teddy had already accepted – he had pushed everyone away and now he had to ensure that they knew he was here to stay. That he was ready to let them be a part of his life again and that he wanted desperately to be a part of theirs again as well. At her comment, he could only smile a little, looking away from her for a short time – it was still hard owning up to the fact that his decision to stay away had been entirely selfish and he had left behind friends and family who still wanted him around – who he might have been able to help if he had come home.

"I’m sure it doesn’t surprise you that I was the last to accept it," she acknowledged. "He had to keep me from running off to find you or from freaking out about you leaving. I was angry, but I wasn’t willing to let you go so easily. It took me a while to even accept that you had left willingly. That you had purposely left and stopped communicating with us. I couldn't understand it."

Still looking away from her, Ted sighed softly at this and said, “Maybe eventually I can help make sense of it all… I stopped getting letters and just assumed no one cared what I was up to…” Teddy shook his head a little, then rested his head in his hand, leaning forward, his elbow resting on the table.“I had this crazy thought that maybe Torie had told everyone we were done and maybe turned everyone against me or something… So I stopped writing. It never felt entirely right... That’s part of the reason I accepted the job here so quickly.” This was the closest he had come to talking about Torie, about his reasons for staying away, about any of it – and he quickly composed himself again, pushing the pestering thoughts from his mind for now.

"I know you’re sorry," she said, "I just wish you could have been sorry earlier." At this, Teddy looked up at her again, he opened his mouth to say something, but instead picked up his mug, swirling the liquid around in the glass and took a sip. “Me too…” he said softly – and it was true. When he told her he had thought it would be easier to just stay away, she spoke up quickly to shut down that excuse, reasoning, whatever it was. "Well, you were wrong," she said, her voice tight now. "It might have been easier for you, but it wasn’t easy for the people you left behind." It was clear to him that out of everyone he had left behind, only a few had taken it very personally and had been deeply affected – and Claire was certainly one of those people. “I know I was wrong,” he said under his breath, feeling far from confident in this moment.

It was awkward at first, but almost a relief to have the conversation turn over to his sons – it was easier to talk about them than it was to even think about the reasoning behind his years away. "Bring them over to my house for dinner soon," Claire said. "Sirius can cook dinner for us. Did you know he cooks now?" she asked absently. The smile came across his face once more as he tried to imagine Sirius in the kitchen cooking and he let a chuckle escape him. “I will definitely bring them over soon… and I can’t wait to see this. Sirius doing something in the kitchen other than eating everything in sight? That would be a first for me.”

"I don’t know what you’re talking about," Claire said loftily."Embarrassing stories? I certainly don’t have any, and if I did I would never dream of telling them!" At this, Teddy shook his head, but grinned widely none the less. “I mean it Claire!” he said as he took a sip of his drink. “At least keep it to a minimum if you must.” he asked her with a look on his face that read somewhere between jokingly pleading and an honest request.

After all, he knew Claire had a better memory than anyone he had ever met and there was no way in hell she didn’t still have a mental catalog of every ridiculous creature hunt he had dragged her as well as Sirius and various cousins on, all of the pranks they had played while he was in school with them and just so much more – and not all of it had ended in his favor, memories he hadn’t thought about in years. It wasn’t that he didn’t want his boys to know about him, who he had been and really, who he was still – it wasn’t even that he was terribly worried about sounding like a fool – his sons had seen him do some ridiculous things over the years and already thought he was a bit crazy.

No, it was more the fact that he hated thinking about how different things could have been and how close everyone should have been, if he had just come home when he had originally planned. At a certain point, once Torie had decided to move on, he had made a selfish an rather rash decision to simply cut all contact with his former life – and he had somewhat regretted it ever since, but until recently was unable to change his own mind. These days he was left with feelings of regret – knowing that there had been a lot of major things happening while he was gone. Even if no one spoke if it, he could tell. It was the heaviness of the tension in the air, the quick changes in subjects or the looks that said I shouldn’t have said that when her or Sirius or anyone made a comment on events of the past twenty or so years.

Eventually he would figure out the entirety of what he had missed – he wanted to know what he had left everyone to handle without him. Some of it was feelings of guilt, he should have been here for all of them – through whatever it was they were dealing with; and then some of it was more a feeling that something really bad was happening all around them and if that was the case he didn’t like the idea of being kept in the dark. If something was happening, especially if it was on a scale anything like what had happened in the past, then he wanted to be a part of bringing it to an end. He couldn’t and wouldn’t allow them to leave him out of this – but he knew it would take some pushing even to find out what was going on in the first place.

After a while he finally asked her straight out what was happening – what had changed – why had she suddenly be free to visit him as often as she wished – why wouldn’t anyone give him even the slightest hint at what was wrong. Of course, he had a small bit of hope that Claire would just tell him finally, now that he had confronted all of it – but instead she deflected. She looked away from him and didn’t answer for a long moment as though thinking everything over. When she did finally answer, she played it calm and cool – as Claire always did (after all, she as the prefect that was also one of the biggest pranksters in the school at one point and he would never forget how skilled she was at deception).

"What are you talking about? Things are fine." "This whole time since you've been back, I've been stopping by after my meetings at school," she explained breezily. "I always look exhausted, Teddy. I've been an insomniac for twenty five years," she added, continuing to deflect.

She casually ate her food as she spoke between bites – Teddy observed as he ate his food in silence, listening to her answers. If it had been anyone else, he may have entirely believed them; but even if he had been gone for over two decades he still knew what Claire was capable of. As he speared a piece of food with his fork, he looked back up at her just in time to meet her eyes – she really wanted him to believe everything was perfectly fine and normal – but he wasn’t buying it. There was far more to this than anyone was letting on – perhaps more than most people knew – and he wasn’t going to give up until Claire gave him something at least.

“Common’ now, Claire…” he said, still holding his fork with the piece of food stuck on the end and then he pointed it at her. “You have to try harder than that to convince me I’m not right.” Then he ate the piece of food, washed it down with a drink and set his fork down. “Something’s wrong and everyone knows about it and no one is talking about it. Everyone knows but me, of course.” Teddy let out a long sigh, “When you come by the school on official business you don’t have hours to spend with me, in my office, wandering around the school or the village like you have over the last few weeks… You’re always heading back to the office, for who knows what – I had figured you were making sure Sirius was actually getting work done”

He paused on that thought for a moment and sipped his butterbeer once again, coming close to finishing off the second mug. “And while I know of your lack of sleep, this is a different type of exhausted… You’re more drained than I’ve ever seen you – and it’s not just the insomnia, no matter what you tell me or yourself for that matter.” Looking back up at her again he tried to read her face for any sign of the truth – but she was good, she gave away nothing. “So I’m going to ask again, what the hell is going on, Claire? I’m not stupid, and I know there’s way more to it than you’re an insomniac workaholic…”

[Claire Pierce]

Teddy said, "Maybe eventually I can help make sense of it all… I stopped getting letters and just assumed no one cared what I was up to…" Even though things were getting better and getting easier, she was still bitter, and so she couldn't help saying, her voice a bit sharp, "I didn't stop writing. Maybe my letters weren't finding you - you weren't the most forthcoming on that front, you know - but I didn't stop writing until I didn't get any responses for a long time." Claire sighed, trying to lose the edge she had so easily acquired again. "I continued sending regular letters about how everyone was, how things were going. I wrote to you about becoming an auror and later becoming partners with Sirius. I sent you an invitation to his wedding." She had eventually stopped, bitter and angry and having received the obvious message that he wasn't writing back anymore. It hadn't been good for her to stop, but it hadn't really been good for her to continue writing either.

He talked about Vic for a brief moment then, saying, "I had this crazy thought that maybe Torie had told everyone we were done and maybe turned everyone against me or something… So I stopped writing. It never felt entirely right... That’s part of the reason I accepted the job here so quickly." Claire raised an eyebrow at him, considering. Deciding to come back to that subject another time - she could push him about that issue anytime she wanted, and he knew it was only a matter of time until she brought it up again - she simply said, without heat to her voice, "Well, I'm a bit offended you would think I would turn against you." Instead, it was clear in her voice that she thought that was stupid conclusion to have come to; Claire's loyalty was to him first, back when they were young and extremely close.

This time Teddy admitted that he knew he had been wrong, and Claire didn't have much to say to that. She had already known it, and she knew he was sorry, and so there wasn't much to discuss, even if she would continue to hold on to it for a while. But she wasn't yelling at him about it anymore, which signaled some progress. Instead, here they were, eating lunch like good friends - she secretly supposed they were once again, even if she was still making his life difficult - and talking about having him and his sons over for dinner. There was a smile and chuckle at the thought of Sirius, and she almost wanted to laugh back, but kept a straight face as he said, “I will definitely bring them over soon… and I can’t wait to see this. Sirius doing something in the kitchen other than eating everything in sight? That would be a first for me.” "I'm not joking. It's a condition of him living with me; he has to cook. I don't have the time or energy to devote to cooking," Claire responded. But then she smiled a little, and explained, "Trust me, he still eats everything in sight. Now he just has to cook it himself. He's good at it, too."

To her growing amusement, Teddy seemed actually worried about the stories she had stored in her memory, even as he grinned. "I mean it Claire!" he said, "At least keep it to a minimum if you must." This was another moment she could have sounded angry or bitter, but instead it was light and teasing enough when Claire shot back, "Oh, I don't think you get to demand that. I think I get to share as much as my evil heart desires, to make up the many years your sons have been alive without stories from me." She looked a bit angelic then, a callback to the old days, with a touch of scheming as she briefly started to think of tales with which to regale his sons. It would be so easy; she didn't forget anything, and she had countless stories of their escapades, Teddy's dumb mistakes, and various embarrassments in which she did nothing wrong.

Although it wasn't visible, Claire did tense internally, mentally, when Teddy shifted the conversation to a far less light topic; there would be no teasing and joking here, even from them. Teddy was studying her and obviously trying to get an answer out of her, or at least discern it from staring at her. He gestured at her with his fork, food stuck onto it - she pursed her lips at the sight of it, leaning back slightly, almost rolling her eyes at that - and said, "Common’ now, Claire… You have to try harder than that to convince me I’m not right." As if settling back to begin his spiel, he ate and set down his fork before saying, "Something’s wrong and everyone knows about it and no one is talking about it. Everyone knows but me, of course. When you come by the school on official business you don’t have hours to spend with me, in my office, wandering around the school or the village like you have over the last few weeks… You’re always heading back to the office, for who knows what – I had figured you were making sure Sirius was actually getting work done." Without much heart in it, she said, "I spend every day making sure Sirius actually gets some work done. Paperwork is a nightmare with him. Head of the department and the man can't fill out a simple form."

He kept talking after her interjection, continuing to talk about how exhausted she looked. "And while I know of your lack of sleep, this is a different type of exhausted… You’re more drained than I’ve ever seen you – and it’s not just the insomnia, no matter what you tell me or yourself for that matter. So I’m going to ask again, what the hell is going on, Claire? I’m not stupid, and I know there’s way more to it than you’re an insomniac workaholic…" Claire actually did roll her eyes at that, out of habit. She didn't lie to herself about her insomnia and exhaustion, even if she did to pretty much everyone else around her. Her voice even, she said casually, "I'm on a short medical leave right now. It was required after being in the hospital. I'll be back soon, probably on Monday, but for now I'm not allowed to go into the office or into the field. I'm still going to my meetings at the ministry outside of the office though - they didn't think to specify anything against those," she mused, moving on, and shrugged. "It's left me with some free time, and so you've been graced by my presence a few extra times. Otherwise it would be me at home with my books and my unfinished drafts of new articles and my next book, and no Sirius and no sleep. I need to get some entertainment somehow."

[Theodore Remus Lupin]

It was hard to hear how others had dealt with his absence, some had worried, some had figured he was just caught up in his aventures and others thought he just didn’t care about them anymore… All of it led to a plethora of emotions that Ted had been suppressing for quite a long time – but bothering him most of all the guilt. "I didn't stop writing. Maybe my letters weren't finding you - you weren't the most forthcoming on that front, you know - but I didn't stop writing until I didn't get any responses for a long time." Claire sighed, trying to lose the edge she had so easily acquired again. "I continued sending regular letters about how everyone was, how things were going. I wrote to you about becoming an auror and later becoming partners with Sirius. I sent you an invitation to his wedding."

The entire time Claire spoke, he kept his gaze down on the glass he was holding – trying to work out how to feel and what to say. What had felt best for him at the time had clearly left others he cared about feeling abandoned and he had never wanted that. “Had I gotten a single one of those letters… I would’ve written back… Had I gotten the invitation I probably would’ve been there… For whatever reason I didn’t, but I wish I had.” A short sigh escaped him as she said "Well, I'm a bit offended you would think I would turn against you." At this point, his head in his hand he sighed. “Well, maybe not you in particular… and I told you it was a crazy idea, I never entirely believed it, but I couldn’t figure out why people would just stop writing right after we… broke up or whatever you call what happened with us.”

It had become so easy to talk to Claire again – she had been the one constant since he had been back, aside from his sons of course. She was the one pushing so hard for him to try and reconnect with everyone, to ensure that he knew he still had a place here and that they all wanted him to be around again – and that was something he really was grateful for. After all, one of the hardest parts of coming back to England had been wondering where he would stand with everyone and she had, in her own scary way, made sure he knew that he had been missed. Somehow, that was making it easier to be honest with her where had had not always been able to be honest with even himself over the years of trying to act like he didn’t miss everyone.

Soon Claire was explaining that one of the agreements between her and Sirius as far as living together goes, was the fact that he would cook for them – and that he still ate everything in sight, only now he had to cook it first. Then when he asked her not to tell his sons about anything terribly embarrassing, a look came over her face that he hadn’t seen in years – a faux innocence and angelic look, followed by her saying "Oh, I don't think you get to demand that. I think I get to share as much as my evil heart desires, to make up the many years your sons have been alive without stories from me." To this, Teddy could only shake his head, grin a little and say, “There’s nothing I can do to win here, is there?”

Finally, the two of them ended up on a much heavier subject – one where Teddy had no idea the depths of, but wanted desperately to not be left in the dark. He had been able to live in a blissful ignorance while traveling, while the only thing he really had to focus on was his boys and his creatures – but now that he was back around everyone he wouldn’t be able to do that any longer. Something was going on, none of it was looking like something good and he couldn’t stand the feeling of being protected – by anyone, from anything (unless, of course, it was himself, attempting poorly to protect himself from his own emotions, the main reason for his long absence). Claire deflected at first, clearly trying to avoid letting him in on any of it – but he made it clear that he wasn’t going to drop the subject and she finally gave him some sort of answer to his question.

"I'm on a short medical leave right now. It was required after being in the hospital. I'll be back soon, probably on Monday, but for now I'm not allowed to go into the office or into the field. I'm still going to my meetings at the ministry outside of the office though - they didn't think to specify anything against those," she mused, moving on, and shrugged. "It's left me with some free time, and so you've been graced by my presence a few extra times. Otherwise it would be me at home with my books and my unfinished drafts of new articles and my next book, and no Sirius and no sleep. I need to get some entertainment somehow." He absorbed the story as she told him – with little detail – that she had been in the hospital, she was on a medical leave – and he frowned at this, taking a sip of his drink and looking down at the glass for a long second before looking back up at her.

“What were you in the hospital for? I mean, you’re okay now obviously, but why didn’t Sirius or someone tell me? I mean, I would’ve liked to know at least… and it’s not to say I’m not enjoying having you around more lately, but I don’t see why you had to keep that from me… ” This opened up a whole new bunch of questions for him, and only made him wonder further on what it was that Claire and Sirius were dealing with and what it was that the rest of the world seemed to be ignoring.