and here we find ourselves once again,

[James Sirius Potter]

After hitting the ground, things all became very blurry, very fast – he had barely taken a look around when the pain finally became too intense to focus. He had experienced true pain before and even with what little thought he had, he knew this was up there on this list of experiences he never wanted to have again. Swearing under his breath, his eyes shut tight, Sirius held his hands to the wounds, as though he would be able to keep himself from bleeding – the room around him gone to the sound of his pulse pounding in his ears, his heart racing, he could barely even hear the string of curse words leaving his own mouth.

Then in a matter of seconds that felt like minutes he heard Claire’s voice, though it sounded like it was coming from a distance he could hear her tell him to breathe as she grabbed his hand tightly, pulling his hands away from the wounds. Finally ending his swearing he tried to do as she said, breathing slower, but still shallow – he tried to take a deep breath but his body wouldn’t let him, forcing him to cough, which only made the pain worse. "Stay with me, Sirius." After coughing he immediately tried to focus enough for short, even breaths – his voice was faint and he only managed a few words, between breaths. “Not. Going. Anywhere.”

By the time he managed to say anything, Claire was already saying the counter curse and the blood flowing from the wounds on his chest and side started to subside slowly – it didn’t help the pain he was in, but it certainly capped the level of lightheadedness he was feeling, barely conscious at this point. Then he could feel the strongest effects of the curse ending and the wounds attempt to knit themselves back together – at which he let out a pained groan, completely out of his control – though the bleeding had stopped, he knew this was far from over.

Through that entire process, Claire had held a strong grip on his wrist, but he felt her let go – he heard the effects of a powerful spell and then Claire in the distance though he was so out of it he couldn’t make out what she was saying. Suddenly he felt himself lift off the ground, he opened his eyes, tried to open his mouth to tell her to get Juliette before him – but Claire was ahead of him as always as he saw Claire, with Juliette, through his blurred vision just as he felt Claire grab onto him again – and in the rush of being apparated to the hospital he passed out.

 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

It was hours between their arrival at St. Mungo’s and when the healers finally put Sirius in a room to recover. The wounds had been deep – if Claire hadn’t known the counter curse, he probably wouldn’t have made it to the hospital in the first place. After all the healing spells and potions, including essence of dittany, the wounds were scabbed over and much smaller than they had been when he first got there – though still of a significant size. The healers had put a salve on the wounds to help heal them further, bandages wrapped around his entire torso to hopefully keep the wounds from tearing open again.

Aside from the nearly fatal wounds he had sustained only some minor cuts, scrapes and bruising - severe bruising around his knee, though some of that was from this fight and some of it had been present before hand - from his meeting with the two supposed traitors of the Nex the day before - something that when he was awake, would seem like an eternity ago. The healers treated each of the minor injuries, which healed up much quicker and easier, only after they were satisfied with the treatment of the cuts caused by the curse.

On top of everything else, they had given him a potion to keep him asleep as they had worked to heal his injuries – which would likely last another hour or so at least – as well as a potion to help with the pain once he did finally wake up. Once they had finished ensuring that he was well enough to leave alone, the last healer left the room, telling Claire he would probably sleep for a while and to let them know if they needed anything, before going off to tend to the rest of the injured in their party.

A little over an hour later, the deep potion induced sleep was starting to wear off – and though he was still asleep, his mind had become active again – and he watched everything unfold again in the form of a nightmare. The owl coming to Claire’s house that morning. The rush to figure things out at the office. The fight with Blackwell – and then his heart was racing and suddenly he recognized he was dreaming and forced himself awake. As he opened his eyes and attempted to sit up all in one groggy, confused and terrified movement he let out a pained groan when reality hit him, everything he had seen last flooding back to his memory.

After not even managing to fully sit up, he laid back in practically the same second, closing his eyes again, taking a deep and somewhat painful breath and muttering, “Fucking hell…”

[Claire Pierce]

Within seconds of arriving at the hospital, Claire was talking, shifting between an even speaking voice for explaining every injury and a tone closer to a shout as she tried to control the situation. But then Sirius and Juliette were taken away and Claire was left to hurry behind Sirius and his group of healers as she always did. While she was usually able to hover behind the healers, uncharacteristically quiet as she let them work except for some interjected questions, this time a healer steered her away to a nearby bed. "You can go back after I take care of you," she said, making Claire sit down. "You're injured." Claire immediately began to counter that, saying, "No, this isn't my blood. It's all Sirius's, it got on me when I was using the counterspell." There was blood all over her clothes, shoes, and hands, streaked over her arms and a spot on her face. But as soon as she said it, seeing the healer's obviously observant and trained eyes, she knew and corrected herself. "I think my wrist is broken. Left. Feels fractured. There's a cut on my temple. Something near my shoulder too," Claire explained, coming back into awareness of her own body and knowing what was wrong.

Sure enough, there was a nasty cut on her temple that had been covered by hair when she had pulled out her tight bun, and a spot on her back under her shoulder that hadn't cut her but left her with some pain from spell damage. There was an intense pain in her wrist that she felt now, having not even noticed it previously. The healer took care of these, healing the cut and pressing a bandage over what was left of it and reversing the remainder of the hex that had hit her shoulder. Claire sat patiently while the healer reset her wrist and wrapped her wrist from her hand to partway up her arm, before momentarily disappearing. She was just getting antsy again when the healer returned with a potion, a sling, and an update on Sirius. The healers were still with him but making progress, Claire was told while she obediently drank the entirety of a disgusting potion and allowed the healer to guide her arm into the sling she needed for the day while her arm finished healing. But the moment the healer was done, Claire was out of the room and standing silently in Sirius's room. Rather than any orders, she only had questions and respect for the healers working now, so she waited in the corner away from their work where she was allowed to remain.

It felt like a long time before they were done, having given her their final update for the time being: a sleeping potion and more healing, but Sirius would be fine now. They weren't sure about scarring yet, but they had used everything the treatment for the curse required and he was all bandaged up and sleeping now. When the last healer finally cleared out of the room, having given her a full report, Claire pulled up a chair and settled beside Sirius. She was tired, the kind of tired that she felt deep in her bones and her mind. Sinking into herself, she gathered her aching limbs up on the chair and leaned into her knees. With the hand that wasn't stuck in the sling, she reached out and brushed back his hair before resting her hand on his.

Claire had settled into the chair and into her thoughts as she always did when she had to wait in a situation like this. She had heard him saying, with great difficulty, "Not. Going. Anywhere," and it went through her head again and again as she waited in the quiet of his room. He was going to be okay, thankfully, after more recovery, but that didn't make this less difficult. This time she wasn't angry - not with him, at least. But she was tired and anxious and sad. There was a kind of resignation that weighed down on her now, before the inevitable return of the fury and drive and purpose that would push her back into her work.

Not long into her wait, though, an auror knocked at the door and Claire pulled herself up to meet him. She stepped outside, shutting the door quietly, and briskly greeted the auror there for her. Before he could launch into his report or any questions, he stopped himself and asked, worried, "Are you alright?" and gestured to the state of her clothes. "I'm fine. This isn't mine," she explained. She hadn't changed yet, having run from her healer to Sirius's room the moment her injuries were dealt with, before the healer could find something for her. At her insistence, the auror moved on to all available updates on the situation and auror activity. He handed her a new file they were building and a set of papers for her to begin her report. "Obviously, don't start that now," he said, before Claire silenced him with a shake of her head. She returned to the hospital room when the auror departed, although he reappeared ten minutes later with a set of clothes she kept in her office as a back up. That practice certainly seemed useful when it came to situations like this. "Thanks," she said quietly. "I'd like an update every hour, or whenever there's something new."

Back in the room, Claire peeled off her bloodied clothes at last and changed into the fresh shirt and pants, carefully pulling the shirt sleeve over her wrist before putting the sling back on. She tried her best to wash off the blood that she hadn't gotten off her hands and face yet, as well as the general grime and dust from that house and fight. She could only hope that she had gotten it all, but she probably needed to take a long, long shower. With her one hand, she managed to wrangle her hair into a semblance of a ponytail to get her hair out of her face. She didn't bother with her dirty shoes, simply pulling her sock-covered feet back onto the chair and propping her papers up on her legs so that she could start writing. It was awkward, with her left arm stuck in the sling and her available space restricted to this chair.

Claire was already deep into her report when Sirius began to stir. Although she was paying some attention to him, keeping tabs on his gradual return to the waking world from the intense effects of his sleeping potion, she kept writing until he groaned as he tried to get up. "Fucking hell..." he muttered in between trying to breathe, and she immediately ordered, "Don't try to get up right now." Putting her pen, papers, and file on the floor beside her, she turned to him and smiled softly but with an anxious and attentive gaze. "Hey," she said, pulling the chair even closer with her free hand. "How are you feeling?"

[James Sirius Potter]

Goddamn nightmares. They always seemed so realistic – this last one appeared to be his mind reliving the most recent hours he could remember, possibly a subconscious way to force himself back into reality to ease his restless mind by finding out what had come of the situation. However, the abrupt wakeup had not been ideal and he wondered, as he registered pain and leaned back against the pillows once more, if the end to these sorts of dreams were anywhere in his future. Would he ever get a decent nights sleep for more than a few days or maybe a week at a time?

Sirius cursed following a pained sound escaped him after moving – and only a second later he heard Claire say, "Don't try to get up right now," though it took a moment for it to sink into his mind, still fogged by the heavy potion induced sleep. He had shut his eyes tight against the pain, but as he lay still for a moment the intensity of it subsided and he nodded, “Yeah, I’m not trying that again, not for a bit…” he said softly, sounding weak even though he tried to put some sort of energy into it – it just didn’t happen.

Slowly he lifted a sore arm and brought his hand to his face, rubbing the sleeping from his eyes and being somewhat forceful rubbing his face trying to shake the groggy feeling – but regretting that decision too when he remembered the bruise under his eye from the day before, which he thought may be worse now. During that moment, he had heard her setting things down, followed by the scraping of a chair across the floor as Claire moved closer to him and he finally opened his eyes, smiling at her tiredly.

"Hey," she said to him as she moved closer. Before he got the chance to open his eyes or his mouth to respond, she spoke again. "How are you feeling?" she asked him. “Hey love…” he said, as relief started to flood through him, the last of that fight was extremely hazy to him and he had been worried that Blackwell could have gotten to her while she tried to get to him. “I’ve felt worse,” he told her more or less honestly, without having to actually acknowledge that he was feeling incredibly sore, weak and pained in general – everything ached, from his usual spots like his knee and his back to the fresh and partially healed wounds he was certainly far from comfortable.

But Sirius hadn’t been worried about himself from the start – and that was probably the reason he had pushed himself awake when his body felt like he could have slept for days. Looking at her now, he noted the bandaged cut on her head, her arm bandaged and in a sling and his smile turned, not entirely to a frown but more of a concerned look. “You’re hurt… how are you feeling? Injuries other than your arm?” he asked her, concern and worry clear in his voice. Before she could answer, he had a sudden thought and it hadn’t even finished registering with him before he spoke again, softly still, “Is Juliette alright? You’re both alright? That’s all I care about…”

While his goal from the beginning had been to get each of them out of there alive and well, he had known that if it came down to it, he would rather see the two of them make it out of there without him, than have it the other way around. That was why he hadn’t taken a second thought when jumping between Juliette and Cato Blackwell’s curse – but he had to know that it had been enough – they were all out of there, they were all here, they were all safe and alive. Once he knew that much, maybe his mind could try to rest along with his body, at least for a little while.

[Claire Pierce]

After his attempt to sit up, Sirius sank back into the bed, obviously in pain and trying to come out of the fog from the potion. ”Yeah, I’m not trying that again, not for a bit…” he said finally. His voice was weak despite the effort she was sure he was putting into it. Sirius was like her in that way - neither of them liked to sound or appear weak in any way, so a situation like this was difficult for them. ”You’re learning,” she said dryly. Claire studied his face as he dragged himself out of the lingering effects of the potion, her worried gaze moving from his exhausted face, to visible bandages and scrapes and bruises, and back to his far-from-healthy face, with yesterday's bruise and today's weakness. 

”Hey love…” he said, some relief clear in his tired voice. Sirius had managed to open his eyes and smile at her now; she couldn’t get herself to smile back, instead looking very serious and drained. ”I’ve felt worse,” he said in response, and she almost rolled her eyes. It was true, of course, but Sirius always tried to downplay how he felt, even to her. ”And you’ve felt better,” she added. ”This is a new one,” she said, trying to find some levity and failing. She settled for a kind of sternness instead. ”That curse ripped you open. You have wounds all over. So don’t even think of trying your usual approach of acting casual with me.”

As if to reinforce that idea, she gave him the report, almost tonelessly, as she always did, detailing the treatment and how his health was now; the recap of injuries, what had been done, how far he had to go. ”So lay back, stay in that bed, and don’t even try to move. You need to rest for a while, and I mean it. Rest.“ She had barely finished when he seemed to be more awake and aware, spotting her own bandages. ”You’re hurt… How are you feeling? Injuries other than your arm?” he asked, concerned. He hurried on, soft but insistent, ”Is Juliette alright? You’re both alright? That’s all I care about…”

”I appreciate the concern, and I understand it, but you should also care about how you are,” Claire said immediately, almost snapping it. She held herself back from it, though; she didn’t want to get in a fight, and her heart wasn’t even in it, unlike the other times they had argued in hospital rooms and the office and anywhere else after Sirius had gotten hurt or had put himself in a dangerous situation. The previous time he was hurt, she had sort of exploded from her frustration with him and her worry about him getting hurt again - or worse - but now she just felt drained of it all. ”Don’t worry. Juliette is resting. The healers took excellent care of her, and I’ve been getting updates on her,” she replied, glad that Sirius had not been forced to see her at the end and in the hospital; it would have been too difficult for him. When he got to see her, her injuries would be long healed and she would be far better off than she had been, but Sirius had been more gravely injuries.

”I’m fine, Sirius,” she said, sighing as she adjusted her perch on the chair. ”I broke my wrist, so it’s bandaged up and I just need the sling for the day, a few days at the most. This cut has been healed, it’s just fully sealing up,” she said, self-consciously lightly touching the bandage on her temple. It might scar, a detail she left out, but didn’t really care about it anyways at this point; another to add to the collection, she thought dryly. Then she admitted, gesturing vaguely at the spot on her back, ”I had some spell damage pain there, by my shoulder, but that’s gone now. I’m sure I’ll have a few bruises.” She toyed with the sling, studying the clean clothes she had changed into. “And if you see any blood, don’t worry, it’s yours,” Claire added, matter of fact and rational in her report.

”That curse could have killed you,” she said finally. There was so much relief in her voice and in the way she sank into the chair, gripping his hand and staring at the bandages that were visible, only a small amount of the entirety. There was no anger or pleading this time, no fight in her, just relief. It was temporary, of course; this wasn’t over, and her worry still weighed on her heavily.

[James Sirius Potter]

Trying to pull himself out of the haze he had woken up in still when he told her he wouldn’t be trying to get up again, she said, ”You’re learning,” and a very faint laugh escaped him, though he stopped it as even the movement from that hurt his chest at the moment. “Had to happen sooner or later…” he said tiredly, though admittedly he would have pulled himself out of that bed in a heartbeat if his body had even remotely allowed it. However that wasn’t happening and he knew it – so he gave in without saying another word about it, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and returning his sore arm to the bed, no attempt to sit up more, no trying to move even – other than turning his head to where he could see Claire finally, a smile on his tired face as his eyes finally landed on hers.

Acting as though he weren’t feeling absolutely horrible clearly wasn’t going to work out for him this time around – Claire wasn’t going to let him play this down, at least not as much as he was going to try to. When he told her that he had felt worse, she responded immediately with ”And you’ve felt better,” which was shortly followed by ”This is a new one,” at which he let out a sigh. Yes, she was right, out of all the times he had managed to land himself here, he could say this was definitely one of the worst – probably right up there with the two times he had been attacked by Blackwell before – but it had always been broken bones, nothing like this before, ever. “Yeah, I know…” he managed to say softly before she continued on.

”That curse ripped you open. You have wounds all over. So don’t even think of trying your usual approach of acting casual with me.” “Oh, trust me, I remember that part… it’s after that I’m having a hard time remembering…” he said softly just before she continued on to give him a full update on what the healers had been able to do, what they still had left to do – which mostly included having to take the bandages off to apply more of the salve and more potions he was sure to not like, for at least close to a week before they would allow him to go home – and even then he would probably have to come back and be seen a couple more times until the wounds fully healed – and they didn’t really know how long that could take due to the magic that had created them and how particularly deep they had been.

”So lay back, stay in that bed, and don’t even try to move. You need to rest for a while, and I mean it. Rest.“ As she was telling him this last part he was only halfway listening – having come to have a bit more awareness and noticing that she was injured – and ignoring her last statement to ask her if she had other injuries, if Juliette was alright and making it a point that those things were all that mattered to him. Of course, this didn’t sit well with Claire – not only had he ignored her request to stay in bed, not trying to move and simply resting – but he had also basically told her he wasn’t planning on it right off the bat by saying he wasn’t worried about himself.

”I appreciate the concern, and I understand it, but you should also care about how you are,” Claire said immediately, almost snapping it. On the bright side, she had not completely lashed out at him as he might have expected – either she was just too tired, or she didn’t want to fight with him this time or who knows, but he wasn’t about to complain. Sirius sighed and said, “I’m always okay, in the end… and I can’t help worrying about you and Juliette more than myself… I’ll admit I was a bit worried about myself back there… but as soon as I realized I was here, I stopped caring about how I am because I know I’ll be fine eventually, like always…”

”Don’t worry. Juliette is resting. The healers took excellent care of her, and I’ve been getting updates on her,” she told him and he felt relief wash over him again – Juliette was safe, she was here and being well taken care of… He wondered how long it would be before he would be able to go and see her – judging on how he felt now it would be a difficult task to accomplish, but he would certainly find a way to manage. Hearing it was one thing, but he wanted to be able to see it for himself, until then it wouldn’t entirely feel real.

”I’m fine, Sirius,” she said, sighing as she adjusted her perch on the chair. ”I broke my wrist, so it’s bandaged up and I just need the sling for the day, a few days at the most. This cut has been healed, it’s just fully sealing up,” she said, though he had hoped that was all she continued. ”I had some spell damage pain there, by my shoulder, but that’s gone now. I’m sure I’ll have a few bruises.” She toyed with the sling, studying the clean clothes she had changed into. “And if you see any blood, don’t worry, it’s yours,” Claire added, matter of fact and rational in her report.

Sirius nodded, “I’m glad it wasn’t any worse… and sorry about all the clothes I’m sure I ruined…” he said with a tired smile. It wasn’t that he was necessarily trying to make light of the situation – it was more that he didn’t know how else to handle these situations. He had always tried to make it seem as though it was not as bad as it really was – especially when it came to his own injuries. It was at this point that Claire spoke up again, ”That curse could have killed you,” she said finally, to which he let out another short sigh as she took his hand and sank down into the chair looking both terribly exhausted.

“Could have, Claire… but it didn’t… Thanks to you.” he said softly as he shifted his hand so he could grip hers a little tighter, trying to be reassuring. “I told you, I’m not going anywhere… No one is getting rid of me that easily. I wouldn’t dream of leaving you or Juliette behind, ever…”

[Claire Pierce]

Studying Sirius with observant eyes, Claire was also making sure he didn't try to get up again. She was well aware of the wounds, healing as they spoke, bandaged up so she could only see the clean white dressings or the loose hospital gown and light blanket that covered him now, but she couldn't get the image of the gashes out of her head. It was an image she'd never forget. ”Had to happen sooner or later…” he said after laughing faintly. Despite herself, she smiled a little bit and said, ”I’ve been waiting for that for a long time.” He was tired and in pain, not even trying to sit up or move now, so she couldn’t smile or joke much more than that. There was a smile on his face though, a sign of usual attempts at pretending everything was fine, although perhaps he was just glad to see that she was there beside him and better off than he was. ”Yeah, I know,” he managed before she was talking again.

Sirius said, “Oh, trust me, I remember that part… it’s after that I’m having a hard time remembering…” She gave him the summary of what the healers had done and what came next. There had been a lot of work and healing done over the last few hours, but there was still a lot more ahead of him, plenty of time in the hospital and at home, wrapped in bandages and drinking potions for pain and skin healing. Then she continued, ”You lost a huge amount of blood. It isn’t surprising you don’t remember anything, and you also passed out pretty quickly.” Claire moved on to explain, her voice even, what had happened after the curse had hit him and how she had gotten Sirius and Juliette to the hospital. ”I’ve been getting updates from the office as well, and I have someone coming back every hour,” she added, summarizing the key points of the reports she had been getting from her aurors.

He was concerned but tired and worn out, unable to get out of bed or push her into the frustration that typically accompanied these situations they found themselves in. Sirius wasn’t spouting his usual nonsense about being invincible or something similar, which had set her off last time amidst her intense worry and irritation with the way he thoughtlessly threw himself into danger. Of course, it didn’t last long, and he said, “I’m always okay, in the end… and I can’t help worrying about you and Juliette more than myself… I’ll admit I was a bit worried about myself back there… but as soon as I realized I was here, I stopped caring about how I am because I know I’ll be fine eventually, like always…” Claire looked up, holding herself back from rolling her eyes - or worse - and keeping herself calm. ”I take back what I said. You're clearly not learning, or not enough,” she said immediately, sighing. This would have quickly sent her into an argument any other time, but today she was just too tired for that, physically and mentally tired, emotionally drained, and tired of what they were dealing with. It still set her on edge, though, to hear him talking about how he didn’t care about how he was, and especially about how he was “always okay.” ”I wouldn’t call this okay,” she snapped, although she didn’t raise her voice like she normally would. ”Alive, but certainly not okay.”

”You can worry about me and Juliette and still worry about your own well-being. You can still be concerned about being alive and healthy,” she said, once again not shouting but instead just speaking resignedly. It was an old, tired argument they had been having for a long time; they already knew each other’s answers on this topic, and Claire didn’t have the fight in her for it today. It might come back to her, but again, this had been an argument they had been having for about twenty years, starting with minor injuries that seemed like nothing now in comparison but really escalating when he started getting injured more seriously, like today. Sirius had never been the best at handling these situations, but then again, neither had she. He tried to downplay everything, and she blew up. “I’m glad it wasn’t any worse… and sorry about all the clothes I’m sure I ruined…” he said, smiling tiredly again. ”Me too. If I had been hurt badly, I might not have been able to get us out of there myself,” Claire replied, shifting uncomfortably at the thought. ”And yes, you did ruin my clothes. Covered in blood. Thomas had to bring the back up clothes that I keep in the office, but that was a very nice shirt, you know,” she said, her usual levity falling flat.

In another example of how he tried to lessen the significance of these situations, he sighed at the reminder that he could have died. “Could have, Claire… but it didn’t… Thanks to you,” he said, gripping her hand more tightly. “I told you, I’m not going anywhere… No one is getting rid of me that easily. I wouldn’t dream of leaving you or Juliette behind, ever…” "I don't think the sectumsempra curse takes your own stubbornness into account," she retorted, an edge to her voice even as she lacked her usual anger. There wasn't even her impatience or irritation, just a touch of frustration, though mostly she was a bit toneless and very tired. She was physically tired; she hadn't slept well the previous night, or much at all over the last few weeks, and fighting like she had took a lot out of anyone, even Claire. She could already feel the bruises and soreness and general exhaustion weighing down on her. But Claire was also so tired of doing this: the hospital, waiting nervously as healers worked on him, sitting anxiously beside his bed while he slept, getting annoyed and even furious with him when he woke up and irked her with his talk of invincibility until she moved past scared to angry. Claire wanted this - the hospital visits, the injuries - to be over, and she wanted the causes of them to be over so much it hurt.

[James Sirius Potter]

Over the past twenty years of being an auror Sirius had acquired a lot of skill – but that was often overshadowed by reckless and impulsive behaviors – yet this time was different; there really hadn’t been another option, aside from allowing the curse to hit Juliette, which in his mind had never been an option and he knew Claire understood that. It was probably the reason she wasn’t furious with him right now and he appreciated that she wasn’t giving him the lecture about how insane he was, how his actions were idiotic and how she would murder him herself if he ever tried something like it again – instead she seemed just drained both mentally and physically and that alone was enough to make him wish it had been able to go another way.

Despite herself, she smiled a little bit and said, ”I’ve been waiting for that for a long time.” For the second the smile lasted on her face, he couldn’t help but not worry about anything at all – if only it could stay that way, the lack of worry, a genuine smile coming from them both – he had to believe it was going to come soon, he wasn’t sure how much more of all of this he could keep up. Especially now, with how weak and pained he was, it was hard for him to keep thinking that they were coming out on the winning side of all of this – but he just couldn’t let himself believe that, even if the depressing thought lingered in the back of his mind.

”You lost a huge amount of blood. It isn’t surprising you don’t remember anything, and you also passed out pretty quickly.” Claire said, then continued to tell him what had happened back at Blackwell’s residence, how she had managed to get him and Juliette here safely. Sirius closed his eyes for a second, trying to recall any of what she was telling him, one of the things that he hated the most about ending up unconscious was the general loss of everything in the few minutes up to actually passing out; he could remember feeling the wounds start to close, hearing noise all around him, none of which he was able to identify now – but as always, he trusted that Claire hadn’t spared him any of the details, at least not the important ones.

”I’ve been getting updates from the office as well, and I have someone coming back every hour,” she added, summarizing the key points of the reports she had been getting from her aurors. It had been quite a few hours since Claire had brought him and Juliette to the hospital – the other aurors had been supposed to leave just behind her, grabbing Blaine on the way out. They hadn’t shown up right away as expected and she had sent another team in to find out what happened – they had all been brought here unconscious. “How are the others doing? Was that Blaine kid still with them? I don’t particularly like him all things considered, but I don’t want to have to tell Juliette he’s missing…” he said, being more kind to the situation than he wanted considering the boy was the soon-to-be father of his grandchildren with his fifteen year old daughter, but he was too tired to get worked up about that again right now.

All of it was giving him a headache, so he was glad to change the subject as quickly as he could. She had told him that he should be concerned about himself as well – to which he had countered that he had been, until he realized he was here and safe, at which point he became worried about them instead, because he was always fine in the end (something he forced himself to believe after the first time Blackwell had nearly killed him, and again and again since then, otherwise, he might not have kept going). ”I take back what I said. You're clearly not learning, or not enough,” she said immediately, sighing. ”I wouldn’t call this okay,” she snapped, although she didn’t raise her voice like she normally would. ”Alive, but certainly not okay.”

Sirius opened his mouth to speak, but he didn’t get a chance to before she continued saying, ”You can worry about me and Juliette and still worry about your own well-being. You can still be concerned about being alive and healthy.” He knew how much it drove her insane for him to always try and downplay his own situation, his own injuries, especially when they had been life threatening – and this had certainly been one of those times. However, it was really not something he did to annoy her, despite what she may think, rather, it was the only way he knew how to cope with the situation.

“So am I supposed to be honest and tell you I feel like hell? Because that’s probably still understating it, falling five stories actually feels better than this does…” he said with a sigh – and the worst part was that at one point, a fall like that during a quidditch match was the worst he had ever experienced; and at the time he could have never imagined he would have endured the injuries he had over the years. “It’s just easier to worry about you two… it helps… pain wise and all around, to just focus on something other than myself,” he told her, trying to explain another side to his invincibility act for the first time. “And I said I would be okay eventually – not that I already was. I’m not trying to lie to myself this time, I’d be a fool if I did.”

In the end, once she had gone over all of her injuries and explained that Juliette was resting now after being treated by the healers extensively, he told her tiredly that he was just glad it hadn’t been worse – and then he managed a tired grin as he apologized for ruining her clothes. ”Me too. If I had been hurt badly, I might not have been able to get us out of there myself,” Claire replied, shifting uncomfortably at the thought. ”And yes, you did ruin my clothes. Covered in blood. Thomas had to bring the back up clothes that I keep in the office, but that was a very nice shirt, you know,” she said, her usual levity falling flat. The grin didn’t fade right away as he spoke again, “I suppose I’ll have to find a way to make it up to you. I’m sure I’ll figure something out.”

It was another attempt at trying to break the tension that he hated – he knew how terribly difficult it must have been for her to sit there and wait as the healers worked, last time he had been the one to wait and he almost couldn’t contain himself the entire time, on the edge of losing it on everyone – and he just wanted her to be able to relax, at least for a little bit. After all, if anyone deserved a break from this living hell it was the two of them, who were sitting right in the center of all of it. Claire of course, wouldn’t let him forget the significance of what had happened that morning, and he once again tried to reassure her that he wouldn’t let it come to that. "I don't think the sectumsempra curse takes your own stubbornness into account," she retorted, an edge to her voice even as she lacked her usual anger.

Sirius took another somewhat deep breath and sighed heavily, knowing she was right – exhaustion written all over his face, yet he still managed a small grin as he said, “Then it’s a damn good thing I have you around, isn’t it?” His hand still gripped hers as tightly as he could manage, not wanting to let go – he wished so badly he had the energy to move himself, just enough that she could slide into the bed with him and then maybe they could both get the rest they needed. He could see she was exhausted, she wasn’t even cleared to be going on a mission like that and she had come out of it relatively unharmed, at least in comparison to him, but the fight had clearly taken its toll on her and he could tell in the way she spoke – there was no fight left in her right now.

It was moments like this when he couldn’t help but wish it were all over – he was tired of being tired all the time, he already lived with pain on a daily basis, injuries of this severity were becoming more than he could handle. Yet somehow, whatever it took, he had to stay determined that they could defeat Blackwell and the Nex, to create a better world for his daughter, his new family with Claire and Juliette and soon enough his grandchildren, not to mention his extended family and Claire's s well; he couldn’t let them live in fear forever. It just got harder to go back to after each and every thing that happened – he had almost given up after his family was murdered, but had decided that it he had, then the Nex won, Blackwell won, and he absolutely wasn’t going to let that happen. Sirius could only hope that the next time he came face to face with the leader of the Nex that it would be the last – and that it wouldn’t end with him here again or worse.

[Claire Pierce]

Apparently satisfied with her report about Juliette and her own status, he moved on, asking, “How are the others doing? Was that Blaine kid still with them? I don’t particularly like him all things considered, but I don’t want to have to tell Juliette he’s missing…” ”Michael is fine, just a bit roughed up, Davies has a concussion from hitting his head on something, and Gwen got hit with a weird curse, but they’ve been dealt with. They’re all doing okay,” she recited. For a split second, Claire considered brushing past the second question, pushing it off a later time when Sirius had a bit more strength and less worry. She could wait even a few hours. But she was always honest with him and never spared him any details, even when he was at his worst; she was pretty much brutally honest with everyone, even and especially Sirius. “Things didn’t work out perfectly after I left with you and Juliette,“ she admitted. ”I told them to get Blaine and themselves out of there, right after me, but something happened. They got out fine but Blackwell got Blaine.” She rubbed her eyes tiredly as she sighed, frustrated. ”Don’t worry, I’m already on it. I set a team to working on finding him. That’s part of my hourly updates. Hopefully we’ll have something soon.”

“So am I supposed to be honest and tell you I feel like hell? Because that’s probably still understating it, falling five stories actually feels better than this does…” he admitted, sighing. She tensed at the weak challenge in his voice and that memory he brought up. But then Sirius was trying to explain himself, saying, “It’s just easier to worry about you two… it helps… pain wise and all around, to just focus on something other than myself.” Staring at the ceiling for a long moment, Claire replied, ”I get it, Sirius, I do. But you do know that it’s fine to admit you’re in pain and let yourself know that you’re in pain, but recovering. I’m fine. Think of yourself now.” Normally she would rising to an argument, her anger driven by her frustration and fear and anxiety, but all she felt now was a muted fear weighing her down in her chair. “I don’t care if you pretend you’re feeling fine or that it really isn’t that bad or any of the things you usually attempt - with anyone else. But don’t bother pretending with me,” she tried, her voice level and tired. “I want to know if you’re in pain or your bandages are bothering you or you need a sleeping potion, whatever it is, I want you to tell me. You can be honest with me.” After saying it, she heard the shades of yesterday’s argument - about honesty and lies between them - but it hadn’t been intentional at all. It was actually the farthest thing from her mind now; she didn’t care about that at the moment, because it was far more important that Sirius had been very close to death only a few hours before.

He continued on, this time saying, “And I said I would be okay eventually – not that I already was. I’m not trying to lie to myself this time, I’d be a fool if I did.” Her only response for a long moment was a sigh. ”Very true,” she said then, looking back over at him. Claire felt her headache intensifying and her body getting more stiff from still sitting on that damn chair. Giving his hand a little squeeze, she stood up finally, stretching and adjusting her already wrinkled shirt. “Do what you want,” she said at last, tonelessly. ”I don't want to fight about this today. I don't want to fight, okay?” Instead of leaving the room, as it might have looked like she was about to do, she began to pace, starting by tidying her stack of papers from work, then the pile of ruined clothes and dirtied shoes, and then putting the rest of the already clean room in order, until she wasn’t just moving from thing to thing and was just pacing. She traced a limited path around the small room, almost wanting to go for a walk around the whole floor but not wishing to face anyone beyond the room, and she certainly didn’t want to leave Sirius here either.

As she glanced over at him, he managed to grin about the clothes and say, “I suppose I’ll have to find a way to make it up to you. I’m sure I’ll figure something out.” Claire rolled her eyes; Sirius, always trying to be light and joking, even while lying in a hospital bed. She was always the more serious of the two, even now. ”You owe me a shopping spree,” she said, somehow managing to lift her voice up from toneless into something resembling humorous, even with how tired everything about her was just then. ”A nice store.” The thought of going shopping for clothes was such a foreign idea, though, something she could hardly picture. She settled back in the chair, bored with the limited space but not wanting to be anywhere else but here with him. Sirius gripped her hand as tightly as he could and said, ”Then it’s a damn good thing I have you around, isn’t it?” Despite everything, she smiled then and replied, ”Very good. I hope you know how lucky you are.” Her tone was still lighter than before, some teasing injected in there, as much as she could muster. She extricated her hand to readjust the strap of the sling; she wasn't a fan of how she had only one arm to work with just then.

”Hey,” she said suddenly, quiet as she wrapped her fingers around his wrist before smoothing down an edge of one of his bandages. ”You know I love you.” It was somewhere between a statement and a question with ‘right?’ tacked on to the end. It wasn’t something she said very often, unlike him, but it had to be something he just knew anyways, and something that was clear in the other things she said and did, even when she wasn’t saying it a lot. Her voice was softer than before, and she finally said, relieved, ”I’m so glad you’re going to be okay.” Needing something to do, she pushed some of his unruly, too long hair out of his face and avoided touching a bruise that was beginning to show up, and admitted, not quite looking him in the eyes, ”That was… terrifying.”

[James Sirius Potter]

Once Claire had finished informing him about everything that lay ahead of him as far as healing went, as well as informing him of all of her injuries and ensuring him that Juliette was safe and healing, he moved on. Sirius needed to know how the rest of their mission had gone – he almost knew the answer before she told him. Blackwell had almost certainly gotten away but hopefully the rest of the team and Blaine had managed to get away before anything else could happen. ”Michael is fine, just a bit roughed up, Davies has a concussion from hitting his head on something, and Gwen got hit with a weird curse, but they’ve been dealt with. They’re all doing okay,” she told him and then she paused – as though deciding whether or not to tell him the rest, but before he could bother to ask her to continue she already had.

“Things didn’t work out perfectly after I left with you and Juliette,“ she admitted. ”I told them to get Blaine and themselves out of there, right after me, but something happened. They got out fine but Blackwell got Blaine.” She rubbed her eyes tiredly as she sighed, frustrated. – “Wonderful… At least the others got out of there,” he said with a heavy sigh as she continued. “Don’t worry, I’m already on it. I set a team to working on finding him. That’s part of my hourly updates. Hopefully we’ll have something soon.” – “Hopefully very soon… I guess being stuck in bed has benefits – I have an excuse for not telling Juliette sooner… and hopefully they find the kid before I have to tell her anyway.”

Finally he ranted for a short moment, with what little energy he had to put into to – it was never easy for him to admit when something was wrong with him – for years he had dealt with injuries by simply forcing himself to believe it wasn’t as bad as it was, at the moment however it was harder than usual. ”I get it, Sirius, I do. But you do know that it’s fine to admit you’re in pain and let yourself know that you’re in pain, but recovering. I’m fine. Think of yourself now.” she told him, to which he continued to try and explain his need to act as though he didn’t feel absolutely awful. “I’m not very good at that you know. Acknowledging pain makes it worse because then I can’t think about anything else… ignoring it seems to make it more tolerable…” – he was about to continue on, but during the moment he paused, she had started speaking again.

“I don’t care if you pretend you’re feeling fine or that it really isn’t that bad or any of the things you usually attempt - with anyone else. But don’t bother pretending with me,” she tried, her voice level and tired. “I want to know if you’re in pain or your bandages are bothering you or you need a sleeping potion, whatever it is, I want you to tell me. You can be honest with me.” Claire’s words hit him hard at the end – only the night before things had been very, very different, but the subject of honesty had been very much the same. It forced him to think for a moment, about how little she was really asking of him – it was just such a hard thing for him to do, to give in and just be honest about how he felt, what he needed and even harder to ask for anyone’s help with any of it, even Claire.

However, in the interest of being more honest, he looked up at her with a look that was somewhat almost playful with a crooked grin and spoke again. “I don’t think you really want to know the list of things that I would like to have about now… It starts with my usual insane requests of going home, a very, very large glass of whiskey, potions that actually eliminates pain, and I would love a cigarette.” Sirius said with just a touch more energy to his voice as the fog from all the potions started to lift. “I’ll then go on to slightly more reasonable requests, like real clothes to wear, and that we make sure our food later comes from somewhere other than the cafeteria here… Should I keep going?” The smile on his face only broadened as he continued – though he was still making light of things in a way, at least he was being honest, right?

“Do what you want,” she said at last, tonelessly. ”I don't want to fight about this today. I don't want to fight, okay?” Claire said as she stood up finally – stretching and smoothing down her shirt for a moment. “I don’t want to fight about it ever… I’m done fighting. I’ll be honest, I don’t even have the energy to keep it up if I wanted to.” he replied softly, and it was probably the truest thing he had said in ages. He was tired of the fighting – it had started early the day before and had only intensified throughout the night and the morning, up until the arrival of the owl that changed the tone of the entire day; and this wasn’t the usual fight that came after him being injured either – it wasn’t much of a fight at all. Sirius was tired the two of them fighting; and all he wanted was for them to try and bring some semblance of true normalcy into their lives – even if it was merely them no longer fighting with one each other.

After stretching he almost thought she was going to wander out to find a cup of coffee or something, but instead she tidied up her papers from the office, and continued to straighten things throughout the already clean room. Eventually he managed to grin through an apology about her ruined clothing and told her that he would have to find a way to make it up to her. ”You owe me a shopping spree,” she said, ”A nice store.” To which he couldn’t help but continue to smile at her, “Anywhere you like. Promise.” Though the thought of them actually going out for something other than work seemed rare these days, and taking Claire shopping a completely foreign idea to him in general, perhaps something of the sort was exactly what they needed – something he thought he should keep in mind for once he was feeling better.

Once again he found himself being reminded by her that the curses and spells that they are dealing with – especially the one he was hit with today – don’t exactly take his own stubbornness into account. To which he merely replied that he was damn lucky to have her – after all, if it weren’t for her, once again, he probably wouldn’t be around to have this conversation. Despite everything, she smiled then and replied, ”Very good. I hope you know how lucky you are.” She settled back down into the chair next to him and adjusted the sling on her arm as he watched her, still more concerned than he probably needed to be. Nodding at her statement, he said, “Luckier than I deserve, that’s for sure.”

”Hey,” she said suddenly, quiet as she wrapped her fingers around his wrist before smoothing down an edge of one of his bandages. ”You know I love you.” It was a rare moment between them – while he was open and quite happy to proclaim that he loved her rather often, she actually said it less often. Although, this was not to say he didn’t know she meant it every time she asked him if his knee was bothering him or how many drinks he had had – there were many ways to express love without those words specifically and Claire had been doing so with him for their entire lives. “I know, I've always known…” he told her tiredly. “I love you too, Claire…” It was one of those moments where everything sort of started to sink in – a few hours ago he hadn’t been sure he would get the chance to say that to her again – or hear her say it again.

It was quiet between them for a moment, as his grey-green eyes met hers, Sirius still fighting off a coming and going haze of being medicated – and then she said ”I’m so glad you’re going to be okay.” As she spoke she leaned closer, running her fingers in his long hair and pushing it off his face, he couldn’t help but still smile at her – it was still a mixture of relief that she was okay and relief that the situation was over with for now – their team was back safe, Juliette had been rescued and Claire and himself had made it back alive. ”That was… terrifying.” she added and his smile faded finally, a much more sobering look on his face as he thought back to the last thing he could remember clearly prior to the hospital, which was the curse cutting into him like a blade and the rest was a mess and a blur until black. “You’re not wrong…” he said softly.

It had been one hell of a horrifying experience – everything from the previous morning on blended together into the longest two days they had probably experience in long time. Now he just wanted to be able to put it behind him – like he had so many other horrible things that had happened before this. If he dwelled on it, even for a minute longer than he needed to, he was letting Blackwell and the Nex win. So he tried to push the thought from his mind once again – focusing only on what mattered from this point forward, most important being healing, and making sure Juliette and Claire stayed safe; and then hopefully finding Blaine and putting an end to the Nex and Blackwell as soon as they possibly could.

[Claire Pierce]

Claire’s thoughts momentarily drifted back to the office and the work that needed to be done, especially this urgent work of finding Blaine. It was always there, somewhere in her mind, but it came back to the forefront now as she gave him the report. “I’ve checked on Juliette, but I haven’t told her yet,” she confirmed. “Putting it off, honestly. She doesn’t need that information yet. I’m hoping we’ll just have good news for her.” The conversation shifted away from that problem, thankfully, but back to a subject she wasn’t thrilled about either. Sirius tried again to explain. “I’m not very good at that you know. Acknowledging pain makes it worse because then I can’t think about anything else… ignoring it seems to make it more tolerable…” For once, she didn’t really have the motivation to argue with him about this. “Fine,” she said. “It’s just… you know I don’t like the invincible act. That’s different.” She sighed, staring at the ceiling as she added, still talking despite expressing that she didn’t want to argue, “I know you’re not invincible. I’ve watched you almost die a number of times, and the newest entry to that list happened today, so I’m really not in the mood for it.”

But then he was looking at her, catching her gaze again with his crooked grin accompanying it. His ability to grin like that when he laid in bed after today’s ordeal was admirable, in a way. She certainly wasn’t capable of that. He was joking with her now too, replying, “I don’t think you really want to know the list of things that I would like to have about now… It starts with my usual insane requests of going home, a very, very large glass of whiskey, potions that actually eliminates pain, and I would love a cigarette.” Claire sighed, exasperated with him already; recovery was always a rough process with him, to say the least. ”Do you really think a cigarette would be a smart - or pleasant - choice in this state?” she pointed out, gesturing vaguely to his wounds and general weakness that went through his whole body. He continued though, of course. “I’ll then go on to slightly more reasonable requests, like real clothes to wear, and that we make sure our food later comes from somewhere other than the cafeteria here… Should I keep going?” ”I’ll get more potions from the healers. I’ll get some real clothes from home. I’ll pick up food,” she said, ticking off each of the requests she would allow. ”Anything for you, darling,” she added, dryly and mockingly. ”Anything but the things that are bad for your health, at least. You’re alive, and I want to keep you that way.”

As Claire started pacing, he dropped the joking, light tone he had adopted, saying, ”I don’t want to fight about it ever… I’m done fighting. I’ll be honest, I don’t even have the energy to keep it up if I wanted to.” She didn’t stop pacing, beginning to clean as she went, and she didn’t acknowledge what he said for a long moment. Finally, she said, ”I’m not saying yesterday didn’t matter, but this matters more.” She meant this situation in the hospital, those moments of watching him get hit by the curse, the way she saw him bleeding out and she tried and tried to save him, and here he was. It wasn’t that their fight of the previous night, and what had prompted it, didn’t matter to her anymore. She was still frustrated by that, because she simply didn’t forgive or forget easily, and she needed some time to process that. But she had been able to process the fact that it was far more important to her that Sirius was here with her, able to argue and talk and just continue being with her.

Obviously trying to lighten the mood again, Sirius smiled and said, ”Anywhere you like. Promise.” Claire was already too pensive and sad, though, and she hadn’t been able to keep up the jokes and light sarcasm. Instead, she said, ”Do you think we’ll ever get to that point? The time when we can actually do things like that, where we can sleep in and hang out at home and not worry about anything and just go shopping instead?” These were the thoughts she had at the late hours of the night when Sirius had gone to bed and she couldn’t sleep yet, the early hours of the morning when she went on long runs alone. She was far from an optimistic person; she’d always been a bit pessimistic, but had become far too cynical over the years. In the current situation, though, how could they not be cynical?

Claire found herself settling back in the chair as he agreed with her and said, nodding, “Luckier than I deserve, that’s for sure.” She smiled again, but it was more of a rueful one. ”It’s reversed, I think. I’m luckier than I deserve,” she said quietly. ”But no, Sirius, you deserve so much.” She meant that, beneath all of her jokes and sarcastic quips about how lucky he was. Apparently it took near-death experiences for her to express all of the reflective thinking she did in those lonely hours.

She had reminded him she loved him, not that she thought it was in any real doubt. It was in the way she teased and joked and laughed with him, in the way asked about his knee and his drinking and his smoking, in the way she made him coffee in the morning and worked with him and shared her life with him. It was so clear in the way she let Sirius in so completely, even if she didn’t say it very often, even if he said it so often and seemed to want to shout it from the rooftops. “I know, I've always known…” he told her tiredly. “I love you too, Claire.” At that, she smiled a bit and said, ”Took us long enough to get here. Although I admit I didn’t hope to be saying it in a hospital room. Multiple times.” Claire sighed and then leaned over to kiss him, soft and quick. Pulling back from him and the emotional moment, Claire said, in an effort to lighten the mood and avoid all of these emotions that she didn’t handle well, even though they were together now, ”I’ll put toothpaste on the list of things you need.”

[James Sirius Potter]

While they spoke of work, the team and Juliette he was surprisingly able to focus without much effort – something always seemed to click over and zero in on what he needed to know, even when waking from another round of being in the healers care (the only time this didn’t seem accomplish-able was when he was too enraged to think at all, like he had been that morning. “I’ve checked on Juliette, but I haven’t told her yet,” she confirmed. “Putting it off, honestly. She doesn’t need that information yet. I’m hoping we’ll just have good news for her.” To this Sirius merely nodded in agreement at first – it was best not to have her worrying, at least not right away. “Hopefully…” he said, though somehow he doubted it – if Blackwell had taken him, they would be lucky to find the kid before he would end up having to face his daughter asking about him.

It was probably a relief to them both when the conversation shifted – however the subject matter wasn’t all that much better as she attempted (for probably the hundredth time in their lives, or at least it would seem that way) to remind him that it was okay to admit when he was in pain – and he countered with how it was just better for him to try and ignore it – which she again countered with how ignoring it and his usual “invincible act” are two completely different things. “I know you’re not invincible. I’ve watched you almost die a number of times, and the newest entry to that list happened today, so I’m really not in the mood for it.” This time Sirius didn’t respond – all the talking about acknowledging or ignoring pain had brought it back to his attention and now he needed a distraction.

So he started rambling, in a way only he could, listing off a number of things that he would like to have – knowing full well that he wasn’t going to get hardly anything he was asking for. As he did so, his attention came back to amusing himself and hopefully – even if it was only in the slightest – Claire as well as he spoke with a crooked grin firmly in place despite his current situation. ”Do you really think a cigarette would be a smart - or pleasant - choice in this state?” Ignoring her comment at first and continuing to go on with slightly more reasonable requests and when he was finished, he finally added, “And would a cigarette be a good idea? No, probably not… Would it be pleasant? Eh, probably not either. Does that stop my brain from telling me it’s what I want? No…”

Claire went on to name off requests that she would allow – getting more potions from the healers, real clothes and real food – which was enough to satisfy him for now. It would be a long, well a long however long they intended to keep him there – and both he, Claire and the healers knew it. Sirius was never to most agreeable patient to deal with to say the least. When Claire ended her list of things he wanted and could actually have, she went on to say, “Anything for you, darling,” she added, dryly and mockingly. ”Anything but the things that are bad for your health, at least. You’re alive, and I want to keep you that way.” At which Sirius grin turned into a bit more of a smirk, while she may have been going for not entertained, he somehow found himself very entertained – perhaps it was the foggy feeling that just wouldn’t quite go all the way away…

“So going home is an unhealthy request, not just an unreasonable one? I’m sure it would be fine for me – more an inconvenience for the healers who want to keep me as their hostage for who knows how long this time…” he said, a bit more of his usual energy still trying to shine through his pained and tired body – even when he couldn’t hardly move it was like he was powered by a battery that just never dies somehow, and the only way to release that energy right now was to talk incessantly and continue to poke, prod and try to make light of his situation.

When they wound up on the subject of their fight the previous day that had led into early that morning, he admitted defeat in a way, saying he didn’t want to fight about it anymore – that he couldn’t if he wanted to. It wasn’t just his being physically tired that made him feel that way, but all the emotional energy that had gone into it – he didn’t like fighting with Claire and he hated that he had put them into that situation at all, and over a stupid fear of his. ”I’m not saying yesterday didn’t matter, but this matters more,” she told him and he nodded in silent agreement and acceptance. Things still weren’t all-okay between them – but for the moment those feelings were being put aside because they could have lost each other today, he had almost died today whether he would accept that or not – and being together now was just so much more important than that fight.

Eventually he promised her that he would take her shopping, get her new clothes to replace the ones that had ended up ruined after being soaked in his blood when she had saved him. That line of thinking brought them to a slightly deeper subject – one they didn’t talk about a lot – the future they were fighting this war for. ”Do you think we’ll ever get to that point? The time when we can actually do things like that, where we can sleep in and hang out at home and not worry about anything and just go shopping instead?”

“I have to believe that we will… It’s just taking longer than I had hoped to get to that point again…” Sirius sighed at these thoughts, his daughter would soon be bringing two more defenseless little lives into the world – a world he knew was currently falling apart around them or at least it felt like it. It was true, he had to believe they would be able to bring the peace back to their world, they had to, for his daughter, his grandchildren – they couldn’t grow up in the world Blackwell was trying to build or the war fighting against it, there had to be something they could do to soon to bring this to an end once and for all…

She asked him if he knew how lucky he was, and he answered honestly – luckier than he deserved, or at least from his point of view. Apparently, Claire didn’t quite agree with him. ”It’s reversed, I think. I’m luckier than I deserve,” she said quietly. ”But no, Sirius, you deserve so much.” Shaking his head, he softly said, “Not so much…” No matter how much time went by, he was always going to feel like he was never quite good enough for Claire – he had never been faithful to anyone, not even his wife; he was an alcoholic and now he couldn’t even fall back on the fact that he was in good shape and could keep up with her physically because in recent years that had not so often been the case. Sirius was glad when this line of thinking was interrupted by her telling him that she loved him – and no matter how many times he would ever hear it, it would always bring a smile to him, which didn't leave his face after she leaned down and kissed him - brief, yet filled with emotion.

“Don’t worry, I’ve got somewhere much nicer in mind for the next time… No more of this hospital room bullshit… I’m tired of fucking hospitals anyway.” Sirius said with a tired smile, getting ahead of himself he continued, “Somehow, we’re going to get just one goddamn night to ourselves… No work chaos, no kid chaos, no Nex chaos. I don’t know how but we will, because I don’t know how much more I can deal with if we don’t get a single night for that much…” He got ahead of himself and spoke too fast, ending up nearly out of breath because his body was so exhausted from the prior day, the earlier fight and now the intense healing process – after taking just barely too deep of a breath he exhaled with a cough from both the injuries and years of smoking. The pain from coughing radiated throughout his chest, causing the wounds to pull and hurt much more intensely than they had been.

“Potions first, please… On that list of my insane requests you’re going to allow… Something strong, preferably…” Sirius muttered, finally feeling defeated in his attempt at acting the part of perfectly fine, closing his eyes tightly as the pain from coughing slowly started to subside. In the years past, he would have tried harder to ignore it, or at the very least waited until a healer came back to ask for a potion, rather than letting Claire or anyone know he was in pain by asking them. But she had wanted him to be more honest about how he was feeling and as much as he hated it, he was trying to give in – but he wasn’t pleased about it in the least.

Even through the sudden pain, he was still thinking about how he could possibly be able to give them a night to truly relax, where they could pretend for just a couple hours that things weren’t entirely going to hell around them – they both needed it and now he had become determined to make that need a reality.

“And I didn’t eat breakfast… My breath can’t be that bad,” he added, relaxing some, opening his eyes and forcing a small grin back on his face, coping in the only way he knows how.